Talk:Battle of Jackson/GA1
(Redirected from Talk:Battle of Jackson, Mississippi/GA1)
Latest comment: 3 years ago by Hog Farm in topic GA Review
GA Review
editGA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 14:26, 24 February 2021 (UTC)
Intend to review. Ping if I forget. Cheers, Eddie891 Talk Work 14:26, 24 February 2021 (UTC)
- Comments
- What's the thinking about 'Campaign' vs. 'campaign' this week? I note that our article is at Vicksburg campaign
- lowercase is the norm as far as I'm aware. I've edited the first sentence of the lead and the heading of the campaignbox to reflect this.
- "Grant decided to move south of the city on the opposite side of the river, and then cross south of Vicksburg" I think one of these 'south's is redundant
- Agree. Rephrased, but the new version is still a little awkward
- "would have been expected" by whom? Presumably not longer than the confederates themselves expected?
- That was a bit of editorializing, so I've rephrased it to "prolong the battle"
- "bloodied men, although additional reinforcements were expected" I don't think it's clear what 'bloodied' here is intended to mean. Perhaps "recently defeated" is more explicit?
- Rephrased. I was introduced to the ACW by popular history writers like Bruce Catton, so it's sometimes a struggle for me to avoid more florid popular history phrasing.
- The sentence beginning "Johnston decided that Jackson" doesn't seem to flow very well, imo. Could you take a stab at rephrasing?
- I've cleaned up part of it, does that help?
- "Johnston sent Pemberton a misleading message" any idea why? was it intentionally misleading?
- I've added some more detail on this.
- "Brigadier General W. H. T. Walker and Colonel Peyton Colquitt " suggest making clear at the outset of the sentence that they are confederates.
- Done
- "Sherman's advance met less resistance. Only small amount of artillery fire resisted his advance, " perhaps replace one of the two variations of "resist" in such close succession?
- Done
- I think linking African American is overlinking
- Links removed
- "In addition to the seven cannons capture by " tense?
- Fixed typo
- "destroyed infrastructure in the city. Factories, warehouses, and other military and economic sites were destroyed" could we find a way to not use 'destroy' in such close succession?
- Done
- "For a time, Grant had is "?
- Corrected to "his"
- "Estimates of casualties suffered in the battle vary somewhat. " you could lose the 'somewhat' and not lose anything, I think.
- Removed
- "as does the National Park Service. " The NPS has the same estimate of confederate casualties, or those of both sides?
- Both. Clarified
- "with 46,00 men to follow " tyop?
- Yes. Corrected
- Sources are reliable
- Images are appropriately licensed
- some minor suggestions. Eddie891 Talk Work 16:10, 28 February 2021 (UTC)
- @Eddie891: - Thanks for a thorough review, as always. I'm just a naturally bad copy editor, which results in obvious errors like "46,00" sneaking in. Hog Farm Talk 05:19, 1 March 2021 (UTC)