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Talk:Frank McGee (ice hockey)

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Latest comment: 1 year ago by Kaiser matias in topic Copy editing notes
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Featured articleFrank McGee (ice hockey) is a featured article; it (or a previous version of it) has been identified as one of the best articles produced by the Wikipedia community. Even so, if you can update or improve it, please do so.
On this day... Article milestones
DateProcessResult
May 26, 2008Good article nomineeListed
October 21, 2022Peer reviewReviewed
October 27, 2022Featured article candidateNot promoted
March 10, 2023Guild of Copy EditorsCopyedited
August 8, 2023Featured article candidatePromoted
On this day... Facts from this article were featured on Wikipedia's Main Page in the "On this day..." column on January 16, 2019, January 16, 2022, and January 16, 2023.
Current status: Featured article


Copy editing notes

edit
Latest comment: 1 year ago2 comments2 people in discussion

Hey there, I edited this article as part of the GOCE March 2023 Drive. Pinging @Kaiser matias, who made the request.

My edits related to copy editing for MOS, clarity, and conciseness. I did a bit of trimming of repetitive or redundant information.

I have some notes related to edits that might require extra attention or consultation of sources. Some are edits I didn't feel comfortable making due to my unfamiliarity with aspects of the subject. Some of these might seem pedantic, but I guess that's why I'm here. :] If there are any issues or questions about my edits or these points, don't hesitate to reach out.

  • I've done my best to clean up this issue, but it may require more work.
  • A portion of this article was plagiarized nearly verbatim without correct attribution. More information about these guidelines can be found at WP:PLAGIARISM, including the advice that states that "No in-text attribution, no quotation marks, text closely paraphrased, inline citation only" is unacceptable.
  • Here is the comparison after my revisions.
  • It would be great if "senior" could be defined in this article. Not sure if it's a Canadian thing or a hockey history thing, but I'm unfamiliar with the term. Either way, a wikilink (Senior ice hockey?) or ~five-word description could go a long way for contextualizing McGee's career. For example, in these sentences, I don't understand the meaning or importance of the word "senior":
  • After missing two years of play due to the injury, he joined the senior Ottawa team in 1903.
  • In addition, McGee scored five or more goals in eight other senior matches[1]
  • While I was cursorily checking this sentence's source to see if I could reword it, I couldn't find evidence of its claim on the referenced page.
  • The game was also the most lopsided in Stanley Cup history, with Ottawa's 23 goals setting a record.[2]
  • Add pronoun to this sentence:
  • The Battalion left for England in May 1915, and after spending the summer there, was transferred to the Western Front in France on September 14, 1915.[3]
possibly to
  • The Battalion left for England in May 1915, and after spending the summer there, it (The Batallion)/he (McGee) was transferred to the Western Front in France on September 14, 1915.[4]
  • Clarify this sentence:
possibly to
or
  • Clarify?
  • During a Stanley Cup challenge against the Toronto Marlboros on February 25, 1904, he scored five goals in one game, setting a new record for most goals in a Cup game.[11] He repeated the feat in a game on March 9 against the Brandon Hockey Club.[12]
possibly to
  • During a Stanley Cup challenge against the Toronto Marlboros on February 25, 1904, he scored five goals in one game, setting a new record for most goals in a Cup game.[13] He repeated the feat in a again scored five goals in one game on March 9 against the Brandon Hockey Club.[14]
(Unless the Brandon game was also a Cup game, then I don't think we should call it repeating the feat.)
  • Use more active/specific language here than "war broke out", i.e. something akin to "when Canada joined the war".
  • When war broke out in August 1914, both were mobilized for active duty.
  • Just double-checking that these are separate facts: he tied Marshall in goals two separate times?
  • He also played in all four Stanley Cup challenge games,[d] scoring seven more goals and tying Jack Marshall for lead goalscorer.[16]
  • After a brief retirement from the sport, McGee returned, playing in six of the eight FAHL games and tying Marshall for best goalscorer in the league, with 17 goals each.[17]

Wracking 💬 21:07, 10 March 2023 (UTC)Reply

@Wracking: Thanks for your help here, and for the feedback above. I'll go through it again and ensure everything is cleared up. Kaiser matias (talk) 03:29, 11 March 2023 (UTC)Reply

References

  1. ^ Coleman 1964, p. 805
  2. ^ McKinley 2009, p. 34
  3. ^ Reddick 2002, pp. 48–49
  4. ^ Reddick 2002, pp. 48–49
  5. ^ Wong 2005, p. 69
  6. ^ Coleman 1964, p. 85
  7. ^ Wong 2005, p. 69
  8. ^ Coleman 1964, p. 85
  9. ^ Wong 2005, p. 69
  10. ^ Coleman 1964, p. 85
  11. ^ Coleman 1964, pp. 96–97
  12. ^ Coleman 1964, p. 98
  13. ^ Coleman 1964, pp. 96–97
  14. ^ Coleman 1964, p. 98
  15. ^ Wong 2005, p. 69
  16. ^ Coleman 1964, p. 85
  17. ^ Coleman 1964, p. 110


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