Talk:Ian Kennedy/GA1
Latest comment: 3 years ago by Sanfranciscogiants17 in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 11:39, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
I will be reviewing this! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 11:39, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
References
edit- 116 references, and they all look good!
- And props to you for wading through all of those! — GhostRiver 13:39, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
Lead
edit- ”as a freshman, and was” – No comma needed.
- ”Despite a slump” – “Though he slumped”
- ”Kennedy was unable to hold his minor-league momentum with the Yankees, however, and missed most of the 2009 season with an aneurysm in his arm.” – “Kennedy spent parts of three seasons with the Yankees, missing most of the 2009 season with an aneurysm in his arm.”
- ” After two strong seasons in San Diego, a hamstring issue soured Kennedy's 2015 performance” – “He spent two strong seasons in San Diego before a hamstring issue soured his 2015 performance.” End the sentence there.
- ” and he opted to become a free agent at the end of the year, allowing him to sign with Kansas City. These injuries continued for several more seasons until the Royals moved Kennedy to the bullpen for the 2019 season.” – “He opted to become a free agent at the end of the year, then signed with the Royals. Injuries continued to plague him until the Royals moved him to the bullpen for the 2019 season.”
- ”leading MLB in saves” – “recording 30 saves that season.” (I’d also recommend mentioning the save total in the text later on.)
- ” Kennedy signed with the Rangers, under new management from his former teammate Chris Young, in 2021.” – “Kennedy signed with the Rangers in 2021.” – The Young thing’s good to mention in the body but probably too specific for this article’s lead.
- No comma needed after setup man
Early life
edit- From the same place as Balester! (Don’t mention that in the article, haha.)
- ”fractured patella, but managed” – No comma needed.
- ” Kennedy finished his high school career in 2003 with a 39–2 record” – “Kennedy graduated high school in 2003 with a 39–2 record”
College career
edit- Link no-hitter on first mention in the first paragraph, and delink it in the third paragraph.
- ”USC fell” – “the Trojans fell” – just to make that plural verb seem a little more natural.
- No comma needed after Super Regional.
- ”scored a hit” – “recorded a hit”
Minor leagues
edit- ”of June, and won” – No comma needed
- ”129 strikeouts, and was” – No comma needed
New York Yankees
edit- ”after straining” – “because he strained” (to avoid repeating after so quickly)
- Link International League
- Put the date of his start against the Angels.
- ”in Triple-A, but began” – Comma not needed.
- ”his biceps, and underwent” – Comma not needed.
Arizona Diamondbacks
edit- ”70 batters, and led” – No comma needed.
- I wouldn’t bother to mention Hudson, unless they’d both been competing for the Opening Day start.
Done swapped for his spring training stats — GhostRiver 13:48, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
- ”Don’t need to mention Putz”
- I’d mention that he finished fourth in Cy Young voting. (Still think he should’ve won it, though Kershaw did also have a good year.)
- ”among the top in the NL” – “among the leaders in the NL”
- What day did Arizona clinch?
- ”regular season luck” – “regular season success”
- ”division rivals the” – “the division rival”
- ”Kennedy accidentally struck three batters with a pitch: first, a sixth-inning fastball glanced off of Yasiel Puig's face; the next inning, Kennedy struck catcher Miguel Montero in the back.” – “Kennedy accidentally struck three batters with a pitch. First, he glanced a fastball off of Yasiel Puig’s face in the sixth inning. In the next inning, Kennedy struck catcher Miguel Montero in the back.”
- I think you have the wrong catcher listed—Montero was his catcher.
- ”After striking” – “After Kennedy struck”
- ”After the incident” – Take this out to avoid repeating after; I think it’ll be pretty evident what Kennedy was suspended for.
- ”for 10 games, for” – No comma needed.
San Diego Padres
edit- Don’t mention Ross in the second paragraph, especially as Kennedy (the No. 2) wasn’t behind Ross (the No. 3).
- I put "between" instead of "behind", as I think that's what I meant to say, but would not be opposed to taking Ross out as well. — GhostRiver 13:39, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
- ”4.28 ERA, but showed” – No comma needed.
- Can take out as anticipated in the last sentence—redundant.
Kansas City Royals
edit- ”Manager Ned Yost referred to the injury as "slight", and his removal precautionary” – “Manager Ned Yost said the removal was precautionary for a “slight” injury.”
- ”He later” – “Kennedy later”
- ”when Kansas City defeated Detroit 3—1” – I’d take this out, as you don’t describe the last win before the drought.
- That actually describes the win that broke the drought, so I clarified — GhostRiver 13:39, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
- ”2016 season, going” – “2016 season, in which he went” (Also change “striking” to “struck”).
- At the end of the 2018 paragraph, “in which he went” instead of “where he went”
- Add “For the period” to the start of the “Between May 30 and September 23…” sentence.
- Instead of the amount of games finished, I’d put the amount of saves Kennedy recorded (and perhaps the amount of blown saves as well).
- I’d link injured list on first mention, since non-baseball people might think it’s different from the disabled list.
- ”ground ball, but began” – No comma needed.
Texas Rangers
edit- ”and his fellow” – Probably don’t need “his”
Philadelphia Phillies
edit- ”to serve as” – “hoping he would serve as”
- Probably don’t need “in turn” in the last sentence”
Pitching style
edit- ”have drawn” – “has drawn”
- ”to Mike Mussina” – “to that of Mike Mussina”
- ”have also become” – “became”
Personal life
edit- ”wedding, but were” – “wedding, but they wound up being”
- I’d move the sentence about Isaac to after the sentences about Evelyn, since she’s older.
Nice start as usual; mostly minor fixes. Let me know when you’ve finished, and I’ll give it another look! (Still think he should’ve won the 2011 NL Cy Young Award, but oh well…) Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 12:34, 31 August 2021 (UTC)
- Sanfranciscogiants17 I think I hit everything! As for the Cy Young, well, Kershaw was obviously for optic reasons, but I'm not going to say Kennedy was more deserving than two of the Four Aces ;) — GhostRiver 14:12, 1 September 2021 (UTC)
- GhostRiver Looks good now, passing. Nice job on a long article! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 02:37, 2 September 2021 (UTC)