Talk:Scott Kingery/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 20:13, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

I will be reviewing this! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 20:13, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

References

• Ahwatukee feels like it should be a misspelling, but it isn’t! All refs look good!

Lead

• ” Central Arizona College, but ultimately followed an offer” – “Central Arizona College but ultimately accepted an offer”
  • Done
• I’d link the positions in the lead (shortstop, outfield, second base, etc.)
  • Done
• No comma needed after Player of the Year
  • Done
• ”and was outrighted” – I don’t think “was” is needed here.
  • Done

Early life

• Did their father coach the Little League team? If so, I’d move this info to that sentence.
  • Done and reworded that paragraph to the best of my ability
• ”As a baseball player at Mountain Pointe High School in Ahwatukee, Kingery's coach referred to him as having” – “While Kingery played baseball at Mountain Pointe High School in Ahwatukee, his coach said that he had”
  • Done
• ”He continued that momentum as a senior” – “He posted similar numbers as a senior” – I feel like momentum makes more sense in the context of a game or a season.
  • Done

College career

• ”coaches for his” – “coaches because of his”
  • Done
• ”there may be room” – “there might be room”
  • Done
• No comma needed after Division I coaches
  • Done
• For Cape Cod All-Star Game, may want to link All-Star
  • Done
• ”he scored 15 doubles, five triples, five home runs, 36 RBIs, and stole 11 bases in 54 games” – “he recorded 15 doubles, five triples, five home runs, 36 RBIs, and 11 stolen bases in 54 games.”
  • Done
• No comma needed after fielding percentage
  • Done

Minor league career

• .270 isn’t that much higher than .250, so I’d cut how he did in his first 31 games and jump straight to giving his stats for the year.
  • Done
• Also, I’d recommend putting at bats instead of plate appearances, as batting average (mentioned) is tabulated from at bats, while on-base-percentage (not mentioned) is tabulated from plate appearances.
  • Done
• Just noticed that ref 21 mentions Kingery enjoyed watching Dustin Pedroia while growing up—might be a good thing to mention in the early life section
  • Done
• No comma needed after Grapefruit League games
  • Done
• ”the Phillies promoted Kingery” – “Kingery was promoted” – I know this throws it into the passive voice, but it makes clear that the prior clause was modifying Kingery, and not the Phillies.
  • Done
• ”after he made” – “after he had made”
  • Done
• I’d take out the comma after Rule 5 draft—they are both independent clauses, but they seem to read better without the comma, probably because they’re both reasons for the first clause. If that makes any sense…
  • Done

Philadelphia Phillies

• Take out the comma after .381
  • Done
• ”that they had signed Kingery to a six-year, $24 million contract extension, and that he had been named to the team's” – “that they had signed Kingery to a six-year, $24 million contract extension and added him to their”
  • Done
• ”he scored his first” – “he recorded his first”
  • Done
• ”he scored a grand slam” – “he recorded a grand slam”
  • Done
• How did he fare in his pitching debut?
  • Better than expected, for a position player!
• No comma needed after .226
  • Done
• How did he know Aaron Judge? If it was from childhood, might want to include this in the early life section.
  • Apparently they're offseason workout buddies; that's the most I could find
• I’d add “private” before Richard Schenck—was wondering why there wasn’t an article about the Phillies’ hitting coach for a minute!
  • Done (and technically we don't have an article for one right now because we, uh, don't have a hitting coach at the moment)
• ”Kingery's batting average improved to .258 and 19 home runs” – “Kingery had better offensive numbers, batting .258 with 19 home runs.”
  • Done
• Herrera suspension…hmmm…where have I read about that before?
  • 2019 was a rough year in the outfield...
• The last sentence of the 2020 paragraph doesn’t need a comma.
  • Done
• ”struggled in spring training” – I’d put 2021 before spring training (then take it out at the end of the sentence)
  • Done
• ”Torreyes was unavailable” – “Torreyes became unavailable”
  • Done
• No comma needed after that May
  • Done
• Lehigh Valley stats for 2021?
  • Added
• A few days ago, I thought about reviewing this one but decided to wait until after the season so the 2021 coverage could be complete. Guess there wasn’t any need to wait for Kingery!
  • I had a similar moment where I was going through my GANs after the season ended to add some stats and maybe analysis, and then I went, "Oh, I guess I can skip over Kingery!"

Player profile

• If you mention that Schenck was an independent hitting coach earlier (I said “private” but independent works too), you can cut “an independent hitting coach” here.
  • Done
• ”by focusing on finding gaps in the field and hitting more line drives” – “by encouraging him to focus on finding gaps in the field and hit more line drives”
  • Done
• ”the Phillies transitioned Kingery to” – “Kingery became a” – Also, the Mark DeRosa of the future? (Hey, he’s already hitting about as well as DeRosa did with the Giants!)
  • Done
• ”He has attributed his decreased confidence” – “In 2021, he attributed decreased confidence” – Let’s hope this isn’t something he struggles with his whole career!
  • I mean, I did see a headline earlier that amounted to "the Phillies finally admit the Kingery deal was a mistake"
• I’d move the last sentence of this section to the Phillies section, making it the second-to-last sentence of the 2020 paragraph.
  • Done

Personal life

• This section looks good!

Not many changes; excellent job as always! Let me know when you’ve had a chance to look over these, and I’ll give the article another look! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 20:51, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

Sanfranciscogiants17 Thanks for taking a look at this! Everything should be addressed! — GhostRiver 22:29, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

GhostRiver Excellent work, passing! Nice job once again! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 23:48, 10 October 2021 (UTC)