Talk:Start Early

Peer Review by Kelly McGowan

I like how your intro is short and sweet - as it should be. But be sure to add the "Introduction" header at the top of the page. Is there more history to this organization? You jump from 1982 wen it was founded to 2010. Try to find more information on history of the company in between those years. Maybe lead up to who and what Harriet does. You just go right into how she stepped down from president. Same goes for Diana. I like how you linked off Diana's name to her own wiki page. Does Harriet have a wiki page? If so, link hers off as well. Why did she step down as president? Do you know this information? You write, "focuses on emotional development in the early stages of their lives as well as academic". Instead you should write, "focuses on emotional and academic development in the early stages of their lives" because it flows better. You write, "in 2009 to do further research and build education models that help children and families in low income areas be able to succeed in school and in life". Get rid of "be able". This flows better. You write, "Started in Fall of 2013" add "the" to it. "Started in the fall of 2013". I don't think "fall" should be capitalized but double check on that. I like how you wrote about their partnerships and had its own section for it, it is informational. Does this nonprofit have more achievements? There are only two listed which seems a bit low. In the last paragraph you write, "ran by J.B Prizker and His wife." His should be lowercase and you spelled the last name wrong. Also, maybe link off to Pritzker's wiki page? I know he has one. And his first name is spelled with two periods (J.B.). In the last sentence you write, "In 2013, Ounce of Prevention Fund’s Demonstration Project provided service to 160 families, however has encountered funding problems." What happened to their funding?

I think this article looks good overall, you clearly did your research on this nonprofit. I would suggest adding more history information and achievements if there are more. I like your Partnerships section as well as your introduction because it is smooth and short and sweet, but be sure to add in the Introduction header. Though it is clear what the organization is about in the first paragraph so good job with that. There were a few places where I thought you should add or take away a few words, which I mentioned above. You used good citations, 15 is a decent amount. But try to use less sources from their website and more outside, yet credible, sources. The article as a whole seems a little short, is there anything else you can add to this that is informational and important for the readers to know about this organization? There were a few grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes, such as J.B. Pritzker's name which I mentioned above. I like the order of information and headers shown. Each section is about equal in length which is good. The content seems to be from a neutral point of view. Overall I think you guys have a good start to this article, just be careful with the small mistakes.

Kmcgow7 (talk) 01:53, 6 November 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review by Maeve O'Donovan

I think you guys did a really good job of writing the article with no bias, or emotion. It is very factual and to the point which is impressive to me.

In the sentence, “They base their programs off of privately-funded research done in the area of early childhood development.” I would say, “Their programs are based off of…”

I think the page could use more content. The article is very short, I think it would benefit from adding a section or two, for example, maybe one having to do with events. Also adding some more recognition and recent news would help us get a better sense of what they’re doing.

This article is very straight forward and gives us great information of what they do, but when reading it I’m interested and want to know more.

Adding a little more depth to the article. For example, in the achievements section the sentence “The Ounce has an annual operating budget of $74 million and has secured a multimillion-dollar contribution from the Pritzker Children’s Initiative ran by J.B Pritzker and His wife.” I would like to know what the $74 million is going towards? Does $1 million go to something specific and $5million go to something else?

I found this article from the Chicago Tribune (link below), I thought it might be interesting for you guys. In the article it takes about how half of the kids worldwide experienced a traumatic event in their life before the age of 17, according to government data. The article talks about how a school teacher from East Garfield Park says that each of their kids have experienced a traumatic event. If this sounds like some interesting content you could add on to the article check it out, and i bet there are more like it. I think it would be cool to add statistics.

Overall, great article! The Ounce of prevention fund seems really cool. A little more information and a few simple edits will be awesome. Great work so far!

Modono3 (talk) 02:59, 7 November 2018 (UTC)Maeve O'Donovan

https://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/sc-fam-illinois-children-trauma-schools-0522-story.html

Peer Review by Eris Spicer

I think this is a very well written, unbiased, article that describes factual statements about The Ounce of Prevention Fund. The lead is good, but I found some transparency in the first sentence, "that promotes healthy early childhood development in impoverished communities" - what exactly does healthy entail? How do they promote these kinds of childhood developments? Adding these kinds of specific details will aid in readers who have absolutely know idea what you're talking about. Are you able to find anymore history on Harris and his affiliation with the company? Is Harris from Chicago? It would be interesting to know how Harris became interested in childhood development and combating poverty. I would love to know more about the events that took place between the years of 1982-2010. The article jumps from it's founding to Meyers leaving without ever introducing her or acknowledging what she did for the company. Why is her departure so important that it's included in the Wikipedia article? What significant attributes did she make for the organization? Additional information about Rauner would be nice as well. Who is Diana Rauner? What did she do prior to working for The Ounce of Prevention? I feel like this section is missing a lot of connections between the gaps. This can be solved by finding out more history about the organization and it's employers, as well as finding out more details regarding the information and people you already know. Even if it seems unrelated to the organization, the more information you find out the more dots you will be able to connect.

In the opening sentence for the Educare section, "Educare Chicago is a school on Chicago's South Side for children ages 0 to 5 ", I find ambiguity within the word "school". Is Educare a public school? Who can attend this school? In the next sentence, "The curriculum of the school provides classrooms that focuses on emotional development", how? Can you provide examples of what the program does to focus on emotional development? I find myself kind of lost in understanding what the school does, details of even the most basic thoughts will be key in adding to your article. How does the school put emphasis on parental involvement? Do they encourage parents to attend the classes? Also, where else in the country has the model been expanded to?

"to do further research and build education models that help children and families in low income areas be able to succeed in school and in life" - This sentence seemed kind of vague to me, how are these education models helping families in low income areas to succeed? What classes or programs are being created within the model?

"Started in Fall of 2013, the program focuses on helping homeless families get the medical attention and health-related resources they need" - doesn't sound right to me. Perhaps, "In the Fall of 2013, The Ounce of Prevention partners provided home visits to the community and homeless shelters to bring medical resources to homeless families. The program focuses on helping homeless families get the medical attention and health-related resources they need.[4]"

Overall, I think you guys did a great job writing this article from a non-biased perspective. The tone and the unbiased language worked well! I think you guys can just try to continue to research as much as you can to try and fill in the blanks with the history. Also, try to tighten any vague and ambiguous sentences that you guys had. Even explaining in detail some of the vague concepts you guys had will help in adding words and length to your article.

Erisspicer (talk) 04:17, 7 November 2018 (UTC) Eris Spicer