Talk:Tropical Storm Candy/GA1

GA Review

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Hi, I will be reviewing this article which is currently up for Good Article Nomination, I should have the full review up within an hour or so. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 19:45, 27 September 2009 (UTC)

• Lead
  • Make the first sentence something that was notable or interesting about the storm to get the reader's attention, just so it's not a generic, boring start to an article.
  • ...but only 2.7 million (1968 USD; 17 million 2009 USD). Don't use but here, just say that "...leaving $2.7 million (1968 USD; $17 million 2009 USD) in damages."
• Met. history
  • The disturbance that became Tropical Storm Candy was first noted during mid–June 1968. Where?
  • It continued to persist and on June 22, a depression with an elongated circulation formed just off the Mexican coast. → "By June 22, the system developed into a tropical depression just off the coast of Mexico in the Bay of Campeche."
  • Three separate and distinct circulation centers were noted from the Brownsville, Texas radar. → "Three separate and distinct circulation centers were found in weather radar images from Brownsville, Texas."
  • One was 40 miles (65 km) north-northwest of the radar, another 125 miles (2000 km) south-southeast, and the third 70 miles (115 km) east-southeast of the radar. Trivial information, not really needed
  • During the afternoon of June 23, a US Navy aircraft investigated the depression and found 50 mph (85 km/h) winds in the third circulation center causing the depression to be upgraded to a tropical storm and named Candy. → "During the afternoon of June 23, a United States Navy reconnaissance aircraft investigated the depression and found sustained winds of 50 mph (85 km/h), leading to it being upgraded to a tropical storm, at which time it received the name Candy."

This is only a partial review of the article. As you can see, basically every sentence of the Met. history needs revision, as well as the impact section. Since there are a lot of errors in the article. I am failing its GAN. If you would like to renominate this article, please address these comments and revise the article, possibly ask another editor to copyedit it, before doing so. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 19:59, 27 September 2009 (UTC)