User:Aemoe85/State violence/Grackle.cackle Peer Review
![]() | Peer review
Complete your peer review exercise below, providing as much constructive criticism as possible. The more detailed suggestions you provide, the more useful it will be to your classmate. Make sure you consider each of the following aspects: LeadGuiding questions:
ContentGuiding questions:
Tone and BalanceGuiding questions:
Sources and ReferencesGuiding questions:
OrganizationGuiding questions:
Images and MediaGuiding questions: If your peer added images or media
For New Articles OnlyIf the draft you're reviewing is for a new article, consider the following in addition to the above.
Overall impressionsGuiding questions:
Examples of good feedbackA good article evaluation can take a number of forms. The most essential things are to clearly identify the biggest shortcomings, and provide specific guidance on how the article can be improved.
Additional Resources |
General info
edit- Whose work are you reviewing?
Aemoe85
- Link to draft you're reviewing
- User:Aemoe85/State violence
- Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
- State violence
Evaluate the drafted changes
editLead
editI like your addition to the lead-- it makes sense and adds information to the main article. It also provides a solid outline of the content you intend to add to the article. Maybe in the lead, you might reference all of the sub topics you intend to add?
Content
editLove where you're taking the article, it definitely addresses equity gaps. Curious about maybe adding in a sub-section about poverty as well? as a form of state violence.
I would also recommend maybe zooming the lens out to be a little less U.S.-centric and examining forms of state violence that are more common to other contexts, like what you mentioned about Israel. The Arab spring comes to mind. State-sponsored genocides. internment camps and the like. Ethnocides and instances of cultural suppression (boarding schools, language suppression, etc)-- this would all fit pretty neatly under colonialism. Surveillance. State responses to indigenous or minority sovereignty movements. taxation (that one is maybe controversial, or considered differently in different contexts)? Corporal punishment in state institutions or as punishment for crimes. Ooooh, union busting too: like, states sending out their military peeps to bust strikes. Since your chosen article is basically a stub (right, i think i'm using that word correctly) the world is kinda your oyster which is cool.
Tone and Balance
editIt feels hard to provide feedback about this with the current state of the draft, but maybe initially i'd recommend adopting as global of a perspective as possible?
Sources and References
editThe link for reference #4 is broken
beyond that, i'd just recommend continuing to build your bibliography.
Organization
editYou have a few typos in your lead section. The organizational layout you've provided so far looks good. There's a few places where I think the nesting order might be backward (e.g. i think police brutality would go under prison industrial complex and not vice versa? or maybe it would all go under something like 'judicial violence and policing')
Overall impressions
editExcited to see where you go with this. Mostly just the obvious feedback-- continue fleshing out the material, adding to the bib, checking for typos. Expanding focus to be as global as possible.
Thank you for your feedback. Adding poverty is a great idea. As much as I love the other ideas that you gave, I'm trying to focus on maybe three or so as to not get overwhelmed. Turns out that adding to a stub comes with its own unique challenges. lol -Aemoe85
Thank you for your feedback. I think you have presented several great ideas . Honestly we probably have too many headings as is. I agree we need to take a look at the organization of our headings and subheading. Good catch on the typos and broken links. Thanks again -Skyjay999