The lead in was made stronger by the additions you made; you added a good amount to the lead paragraph about Iranian pottery. This is helpful because it allows the reader to form more knowledge on the subject before proceeding to the rest of the article. It is important that you added information on the production and different styles so the reader can have a better understanding. Maybe you could mention how a lot of the pottery during this time took on textile-like patterns and how they relate. I do think it is repetitive in some areas of the paragraph where it uses the same terms very frequently. This can be avoided by using synonyms and discussing it in a different order. In the paragraph about Early Islamic period, you elaborate more about Nishapur which explains why this city was a popular center for pottery. In the article before your edit, it kind of left the reader at an awkward point not knowing what Nishapur was; you definitely filled that gap with your addition. I did notice a typo where it mentions “Kufic script”, but that was already existent in the article. It might be helpful to explain different uses for the pottery, religious or non religious, and what constitutes these differences. I did my article on Lusterware which is another variation of pottery that was made in iran, you could mention that if you feel necessary. The references you chose to cite seem reliable and legitimate online sources, but if you need to look for more, JSTOR really helped me find solid information topic. Overall, I think the additions you made are strong and definitely guide the reader in the right direction.
— Preceding unsigned comment added by Tuj25134 (talk • contribs)
Prof. Neumeier comments
editHi Bernice, some specific comments:
I do not see that you made any changes to the section on Early pottery from Susa, so perhaps take it out of the sandbox to prevent confusion. Same goes for sections on Safavid period, Contemporary, and Collections. Let me know if I missed something.
You should also edit the caption of the Buff ware bowl to indicate that it is from Nishapur, 10th century (so it looks like the captions of the other images in the article).
Olivia is right, you should fix the typo in "Kufic script" in the original article.
In the paragraph on Nishapur, create a hyperlink to the Wikipedia article on the city of Nishapur: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nishapur
Fix your footnote number 9, right now the link doesn't work, and I can't understand what the citation is.
You also need to fix footnote number 10, put the actual book reference under References and then in the note you need to put the page number you found that information on, like "Wilkinson, p. xyz"
Think about adding this essay to either the References or External links: https://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/nish/hd_nish.htm
You add a lot of information about Nishapur, but the material we saw in class about Kashan is also relevant to this section here. After the sentence mentioning "the production of minai ware" you could add a few sentences talking about the Freer Siege scene plate, and add a citation for Renata Holod's article that we read in class, something like, "Perhaps one of the most famous examples of the minai ware technique is the large bowl now at the Freer Gallery in Washington DC, which depicts...etc. etc."
And some edits of your text:
--"Agriculture was one of the political turmoil that gave rise to the baking of clay, and the making of utensils by the people of Iran." TO "Agriculture gave rise to the baking of clay, and the making of utensils by the people of Iran." Also, the sentence doesn't quite fit in that paragraph, perhaps move it up to the first paragraph after "Neolithic Age (7th millennium BCE)."
--"Relics from Iran introduced the two types of earthenware that was prevalent around 4,000 BC. The two types of earthenware was the red and black utensils which were simplistic in their decorative style." TO "There were two types of earthenware that were prevalent in Iran around 4,000 BC: red and black ceramics that were simplistic in their decorative style."
--"As the art expanded, earthenware incorporated geometric designs which resulted in complex decorative style.[4] Expansion in the decorative style meant expansion in the creation of potteries that were made." TO "As the art expanded, earthenware incorporated geometric designs which resulted in a more developed decorative style.[4] This increasingly complex style was accompanied by the creation of a wider variety of the kinds of pottery that were made."
--"The production of vessels in the Islamic culture included the mixture of clay, small pieces of various plants and straws, and water." TO "In the prehistoric period, the production of vessels included the mixture of clay, small pieces of various plants and straws, and water." (It wasn't Islamic culture in the 4th millenium BCE, right?)
--"This city fell in the rule of Islam around 651" TO "This city fell under the rule of Islam around 651"
--"and use fritware" TO "and the use of fritware" (I know this is not your sentence, but you could make the fix)
— Preceding unsigned comment added by E Neumeier (talk • contribs)