Wikipedia:Peer review/Treaty of Axim (1642)/archive1

Treaty of Axim (1642)

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for April 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I have listed this article for peer review because this article deals with a rare and special treaty between the African state of Axim and the Netherlands, dating from 1642. In it a diplomatic, political, and economic relations are defined, some of which would last for 230 years.

The article is brief but succinct, with all the necessary information and a link to the full text of the treaty on Wikisource. It is my belief that the article is already at GA-level, or very close to it, and deserves a serious assessment and commentary eventually leading it towards that status. Also, the layout of the article could well serve as a model for other short bilateral treaties in Wikipedia, so also look at it with that in mind.

Thanks, Michel Doortmont (talk) 11:01, 29 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Pretty much the same comments as made here: perhaps alter the content so that the treaty itself occurs in the article after the events leading to it and before the later developments, add more relevant links (Axim isn't even linked to yet), and expand the information in the lead section to more accurately reflect the content of the article. John Carter (talk) 13:26, 29 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article, but I think it needs some work to get up to GA status. Here are some suggestions to help:

A model article is often useful for ideas and as something to follow for style, structure, etc. I note that Treaty of Devol is a FA and may be useful as a model.
The lead needs to be expanded per WP:LEAD and should summarize the whole article.
Please also try to provide constext for the reader - see WP:PCR For example, Axim is not wikilinked in the lead at all and Netherlands is not linked until the second sentence - both should be linked in the first sentence, as should Gold Coast (region).
Also useful to let people know this is in Africa in the first or second sentence in the lead (for those not familiar with Axim or who think the Gold Coast is part of Queeensland, Australia or Florida or Chicagoin the US).
Be consistent - the infobox spells it "Axem" but the article spells it "Axim". If Axem is a common alternate spelling, say that in the article.
Also did the Dutch leave / treaty end in 1872 (infobox and lead) or 1842 (Background)? Is it "Fort St. Anthony" (caption) or "fort St. Anthony" (lead and Background)?
WP:MOS#Images asks that the image be places in the top right corner of the article.
Article could use a copyedit - some awkward sentences like The treaty regulated the jurisdiction of the Netherlands and the Dutch West India Company in the town and polity of Axim after the Dutch West India Company had successfully attacked the Portuguese who were the occupants of fort St. Anthony in the town. or phrases like ... fortified with the fort St. Antonio (St. Anthony) since the early sixteenth century.[1][2]
The bold in Content is discouraged by WP:MOS and the treaty summary is unreferenced.
I note from your user name that you appear to be the author / editor of two of the three sources listed - you might want to read up on WP:COI and WP:NPOV

Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 01:04, 3 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

As John Carter notes above, one thing I look for when I read this article is what effect this treaty had on the local inhabitants, both immediately & in the later 230 years. But a more important point that needs to be addressed in this article before you can consider this for FAC (& also applies to the Treaty of Butre below) is this: what were the motivations & objectives of all parties involved? This far more important than it might appear at first glance. Taking an example from the part of Africa I know best (Ethiopia), when European explorers & adventurers arrived & made attempts to convince the local rulers to sign treaties, the local rulers were either very passive or indifferent to these documents. It was only when Tewodros came to power that they encountered a potentate who took a clear interest in the matter, who not only treated the negotiations as an important matter with serious consequences, but actually read the documents. (I say this not to make them look foolish, but to point out that these documents are also artifacts of the encounter of two civilizations who doubtlessly had little previous experience with each other.) -- llywrch (talk) 06:18, 12 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]