Draft talk:Bollate Prison

Autumn 2024 Educational Project Page

This page is part of an Educational Project by students of LIUC, Italy, with a course page at: [1]https://outreachdashboard.wmflabs.org/courses/LIUC_-_Universit%C3%A0_Cattaneo/Digital_Technology_(October_-_December,_2024) . The users of the group are new to the Wikipedia platform, have completed mandatory Training for Students, and are learning to edit following Wikipedia rules. They are open to any advice on improvements of the page in conformity to Wikipedia requirements and guidelines, and any help useful for the enhancement of the page will be gladly accepted. The student Usernames are:

• Margheritaliuc9
• ArtDoom1
• LIUCmaxi
• afterthecomet
• LIUCsalvatore9
• LIUClaura
• Gianlucabonacina27

Issues or questions can be referred direct to the users or to their tutor @Limelightangel Limelightangel (talk) 14:02, 28 October 2024 (UTC)

Feedback 06/11/24

@Margheritaliuc9, ArtDoom1, LIUCmaxi, Afterthecomet, LIUCsalvatore9, LIUClaura, and Gianlucabonacina27:

• Use the appropriate representations, e.g., to identify the logalization of the location (e.g., the map).
• Images and tables: each image needs a caption and page position relevant to both the topic and the section of the page in which it is located.
• Chapter titles should be self-explanatory and should suggest to the reader what topic is covered in that chapter (e.g. Programs, Structures, are too general). Then take cues from titles used by Wikipedia pages that cover the same topics.
• Language: language should not be narrative (e.g. “as previously mentioned”). Use appropriate and objective language.
• Bibliographic references: make use of bibliographic references of historical articles, books, referencing them as appropriate.

Greentree97 (talk) 12:52, 06 November 2024 (UTC)

Feedback 06/11/24

@Margheritaliuc9, ArtDoom1, LIUCmaxi, Afterthecomet, LIUCsalvatore9, LIUClaura, and Gianlucabonacina27:

• Needs an Infobox, not a Wikitable. Understand what the Infobox is, find a relevant Infobox template from Wikipedia:List of infoboxes, or similar pages, and probably use Template:Infobox prison. Use this template correctly. Note that these are templates with rules on how they are used and for acceptable field content/format
• References: fundamental issues. See Wikipedia:Referencing for beginners
  • references 1, 2, 4, 8 and 12 are incorrectly formated with no use of the correct Cite templates
  • references 3 & 5 have errors in red which need fixing. Use the help link with the red error messages
  • reference 5 has a basic grammar error
  • there are formatting inconsistencies across the references, including different uses of italics
  • reference 6 should reference the original book publication, not Google Books
  • several references have no authors and better sources could be obtained
• External links: incorrectly formatted and duplicates the poor reference. See Wikipedia:External links
• missing sources for 7 of the notable inmates, with no other evidence of their 'notability' or brief details for each entry
• irrelevant/inappropriate See Also links. See 'See Also's in Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Layout
• style: avoid words like 'essentially', 'furthermore', 'additionally',personal tense e.g. 'you see', etc. Understand why, and see Manual_of_Style#Vocabulary
• linking: do not link out from text to external websites. There are at least 3 errors here. Understand the different types of links (wiki, references, see also, external links), and how they can be used. See Wikipedia:Linking_dos_and_don'ts and Wikipedia:linking
• note and comply with the guidelines and good practice on lead (introductory) sections and look at good practice other pages. They do not have an 'Introduction'. See: Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Lead section. Use this to develop this section. See also Wikipedia:Writing_better_articles#Lead_section.
• structure & content: consider developing a History section, escapes/attempted escapes,list of govenors, tabulated statistics on inmates over time, location section (with map) and a section for any curiosities/mentions in popular culture (books, film and music)
• italics: there is inconsistent use of italics in both the text and references. See Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style/Text_formatting#Italic_type
• images: the topic needs acceptable, licensed images. Look at similar pages e.g. HM Prison Manchester (not a great page) and similar
• the grammar related to Giacomo Bozzoli is incorrect, with no date on imprisonment
• grammar: correct 'It has place for a total of 1267 inmates, but as in 2024, a total of 1427 prisoners were registered'

Limelightangel (talk) 18:24, 6 November 2024 (UTC)

A number of the recent additions are close paraphrasing, just replacing some of the words with similar ones and maintaining the flow and thought of the original. I suggest reading WP:FIXCLOSEPARA as it has excellent suggestions on how to avoid this problem. — rsjaffe 🗣️ 16:18, 8 November 2024 (UTC)

Material and Info from the prison

I emailed the Bollate prison and I'm waiting for the response. When I'll get the respose with the additional information/pictures of the prison I will send them to the groupchat so that everyone can collaborate. LIUClaura (talk) 10:53, 13 November 2024 (UTC)

Perfect, in the meantime I am looking for other informations to include LIUCsalvatore9 (talk) 12:02, 13 November 2024 (UTC)

Feedback 13/11/24

@Margheritaliuc9, ArtDoom1, LIUCmaxi, Afterthecomet, LIUCsalvatore9, LIUClaura, and Gianlucabonacina27:

• references:
  • make references consistent in format. Remove the upper case text from refs. 3, 21 and 31
  • ref. 4: use the original source and journal part/page details (Italian Journal on AddictionVol. 2 Numero 3-4,2012) not Google Books (a search engine)
  • consistently format non-English references with the source language (e.g. 'in Italian', etc.)
  • ref. 9 has no 'data accessed'. Use the Cite>Web template
  • several refs. have no publication dates: ref. 11, 12, 21, 23
  • link for ref. 22 does not work
  • ref. 23 has no publication date
  • ref. 24 has no author
  • ref. 28 has no author
  • ref. 31 has no website name/publisher
  • ref. 32 has no publication date, and the author is ROBERTA RAMPINI, not Liguori, Arnaldo.
  • ref. 33 has no publication date

• External links: use the correct format for these, and look at good practie on other pages. Not just URLs. See Help:external links
• See Also section:
  • understand the differences between these and External links section. See Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style/Layout#"See_also"_section and Wikipedia:external links for guidance. See and understand what goes here and what goes in External links
  • don't link See Also's to external websites
  • grammar: 'The Court of Justice of the European union'
  • don't use See also links for links already used in the page e.g. Bollate
• Categories: Need adding prior to submission. See Help:categories
• page structure and sections: needs significant restructuring:
  • the prison restaurant content is in 3 places and needs better structure
  • history and layout need to come before education programs
  • internal structure needs renaming, perhaps in a section on Location in a sub-section on Layout
  • Sections on books and documentary film are probably better as sub-sections in a section on In Popular Culture or Media
  • several sections and sub-sections need better headings e.g. 'Restaurant inside the prison'; 'book'; 'documentary film'; 'social categories'; etc.
  • the content in 'social categories' should go in prisoner demographics (tabulated) and the content on staff go in a section under prison management
  • Internal Structure: needs a better title. It is unclear if this relates to physical layout or management structures. The sequence of sub-sections within this section needs better prioritization: the layout of the location is clearly more important than the little red house and resteraunt, etc.
  • the 3 sections on history, incidents and notable inmates need better structuring e.g. The history section contains no history, just an incident; the incidents section does not contain escape attempts (a type of incident?); Briaidich is arguably a notable inmate, and his escape arguably an incident; etc.
• images: the page needs images in the Infobox and in relevant text sections
• demographic data:
  • very large section from a single source with extensive vocabulary issues, rather than factual synthesis
  • consider the use of tables here, and elsewhere, to better present data in the text - as has been done well for notable inmates section - and remove the inappropriate text content
  • the prisoner data under 'social categories' could be tabulated and incorporated in this section
  • The opening text under 'operators' needs to be clear what the sub-sectionh is about, independent of the sub-heading title i.e. not start with 'They have different functions and jobs.'
• note and comply with the guidelines and good practice on lead (introductory) section and look at good practice other pages. See: Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Lead section. Use this to develop this section. See also Wikipedia:Writing_better_articles#Lead_section. The text here on 'Additionally each housing section has its own kitchen, and numerous workshops support work-based rehabilitation programs for inmates.' is not appropriate here, but this could go elsewhere. By contrast, the important fact that it is an upen prison and one of few of its type belongs in the lead section, not under Social Reintroduction Programs. The lead section needs to summarise the topic and it's notability, not document detail.
• style:
  • avoid subjective, redundant and biased language. See section on Vocabulary in Wikipedia:Manual of Style and Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Words to watch
  • avoid words like e.g. ; 'Notably'; 'extensive'; 'Additionally'; 'numerous'; 'Usually '; 'even if '; 'for instance'; 'stark contrast' (twice); 'This indicates'; 'In contrast,'; 'a diverse array'; 'Additionally' (at least twice); 'significant trends'; 'Following this,'; 'sheds light'; 'significant portion'; ' Following this' ; 'critical insight '; 'Analysis reveals '; 'In terms of'; 'loved ones'; 'thanks to'; 'Furthermore,' (twice); 'not only'; 'but also'; 'A considerable number '; 'first buildings you see'; 'kids'; 'However'; etc.
  • remove content that offers subjective interpretation of facts e.g. 'This educational profile indicates challenges related to access to education, economic opportunities, and social mobility, which may correlate with higher instances of incarceration. The low levels of education among a substantial portion of the inmate population highlight the need for educational programs and vocational training within the prison system to facilitate rehabilitation and reduce recidivism, ultimately improving outcomes for individuals upon their release back into society.[4]'; 'This can influence their mental health and the dynamics of family connections during and after incarceration.'; 'These statistics underscore the emotional and social repercussions of imprisonment, not only for the individuals incarcerated but also for their loved ones'; 'The implications of this gender imbalance are multifaceted,'; 'suggests the potential for long-term incarceration and raises questions about'; 'These statistics highlight Bollate’s comparatively lower rate of hunger strikes, which may be indicative of better conditions or a different approach to inmate grievances and protests compared to other prisons in the region'; 'who have been enduring such incidents for years'; 'offering a unique moment of self-expression and connection with their role models. '; etc.
• grammar: 'and a place about 40 kilometres away from Bergamo. '; 'It has place for a total of '; 'foresees 560 agents'; 'It was Luigi Pagano's idea'; 'possible thanks to the employ of'; 'A newspaper created, written and financed by the inmates of the prison.' (not a sentence); 'able to realise the newspaper. '; etc.
• content: there are several large sections of flat text in inappropriate style from single sources, with limited or no linked content, no images or multi-source synthesis, and with fundamental issues with style, subjectivity and vocabularly e.g. demographics, inyernal structure, history, etc.
• linking: See Help:linking
  • do not link out from text to external websites e.g. CELAV (Centro di Mediazione al Lavoro) and the AEI Cooperative. Use these as External links or references.
  • do not duplicate links out; you link out on the first occurence of the linked term
• conventions on use of Italics and text formatting e.g. (Centro di Mediazione al Lavoro). See Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Text formatting. Use bold and italics consistently and correctly.
• sources: the entire Documentary film section has no sources

Limelightangel (talk) 17:14, 13 November 2024 (UTC)

@Limelightangel Italic words were corrected and formatted according to the manual. Afterthecomet (talk) 15:36, 14 November 2024 (UTC)

@LimelightangelThe references that had errors have been corrected. LIUCmaxi (talk) 15:21, 15 November 2024 (UTC)

@Limelightangel Words such as “notably, additionallyaly, usually, even if,...” were corrected and alternatives found. LIUCmaxi (talk) 16:05, 15 November 2024 (UTC)

Nursery inside the prison

I added a paragraph about the nursery located inside the prison. LIUCsalvatore9 (talk) 13:38, 14 November 2024 (UTC)

Great, thank you LIUClaura (talk) 17:29, 15 November 2024 (UTC)

I added the picture Margheritaliuc9 (talk) 15:14, 29 November 2024 (UTC)

Edits

I can be in charge of writing small introductions to the chapters and fix the structure of the "Demographic Data" chapter. LIUClaura (talk) 16:51, 15 November 2024 (UTC) I don’t know why but i cannot reply to you, I’m doing the last minor editing to the page.

Introductions

I added some introductions to chapters that needed them, let me know what you think! LIUClaura (talk) 17:28, 15 November 2024 (UTC)

Demographic Data

I just fixed the structure of the "Demographic Data" chapter by making the text a table so that the content looks more organized. LIUClaura (talk) 17:45, 15 November 2024 (UTC)

@LIUClaura Perfect, it could be useful to create charts and graphs representing the data. -@Aftethercomet Afterthecomet (talk) 07:26, 18 November 2024 (UTC)

I just proceeded with adding the charts, let me know what you think! LIUClaura (talk) 12:08, 18 November 2024 (UTC)

@LIUClaura Perfect! -@Afterthecomet Afterthecomet (talk) 16:57, 18 November 2024 (UTC)

The prison population and staff section was incorporated to the Demographic Data section. Let me know if it is actually more neat or if it was better before. Feel free to modify. Afterthecomet (talk) 17:07, 18 November 2024 (UTC)

I think it was a great idea but I would personally put the general information paragraph before the inmate population paragraph.. LIUClaura (talk) 17:38, 18 November 2024 (UTC)

Done! Afterthecomet (talk) 17:39, 18 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you! LIUClaura (talk) 18:09, 18 November 2024 (UTC)

I deleted the text section within the first table. Let me know if it is better, otherwise feel free to edit it back.Afterthecomet (talk) 07:52, 25 November 2024 (UTC)

Organization and Facilities

I have just created the new sub-heading (organization and facilitites) and moved text parts from the service offered section to the new section. In my opinion, the text did not fit into the “service offered” section. Please let me know what you think.LIUCmaxi (talk) 16:52, 20 November 2024 (UTC)

for me it’s fine, thank you Margheritaliuc9 (talk) 15:15, 29 November 2024 (UTC)

Feedback 21/11/24

@Margheritaliuc9, ArtDoom1, LIUCmaxi, Afterthecomet, LIUCsalvatore9, LIUClaura, and Gianlucabonacina27:

• External links: format without urls
• See Also's:
  • See Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style/Layout#"See_also"_section and Wikipedia:external links for guidance. See and understand what goes here and what goes in External links
  • could be better e.g. include similar open prisons from either Italy or, better, rest of world
  • some See Also's lack relevance
  • while you can duplicate links used in the text, there needs to be a clear reason for this e.g. Bollate
• notable inmates: while Renato Vallanzasca may have been in prison since 1977, it needs to say when he was incarcerated at Bollate, operational from 2000, and when the court ruled his move out.
• issues with too much text; some of this is irrelevant detail, some poorly structured and some incorrect style; the use of correct data tables and images should be developed, and text content reduced.
• images:
  • there is a lack of images in both the article and Infobox
  • the pie charts and text-based table are better as a statistical table
• incorrect, extensive and repetitive style; avoid subjective, redundant and biased language, sometimes imported from sources. See section on Vocabulary in Wikipedia:Manual of Style and Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Words to watch e.g. 'a unique moment of self-expression and connection'; 'he author recounts innovative decisions,'; 'designed to ensure dignity and hope'; 'These books offer a comprehensive exploration'; 'analyzes two publications that provide in-depth insights'; 'provides an in-depth look '; 'Essential services within the facility include'; 'It's a unique place, the Biobab Nursery School.'; 'an innovative preschool.'; 'The program is an innovative step in addressing the unique needs of families '; 'As a result,'; 'This lessens stigma and supports family relationships, both of which benefit children's development and parents' rehabilitation. architecture.'; 'has been a cornerstone of inmate rehabilitation for about twenty years. '; 'Today, '; 'runs an unusual project'; 'there is a significant gender disparity,'; etc.
• structure;
  • the overall structure needs reviewing
  • section headings could be better e.g. 'Services offered'; etc.
  • History may be better structured as a chronological sequence, with sub-headings for time periods
  • Concert may be better as a subsection under Prison Events
  • Books could have a better section title, with the publication dates and authors in the subheadings; perhaps it is a subsection under popular culture, with the film section, called In Popular Media or In Books and Film
  • sections don't start with 'This section....'.
  • pages do not have an Overview - this is the lead or introductory section. See: Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Lead section. Use this to develop this section. See also Wikipedia:Writing_better_articles#Lead_section.
  • the lead section has issues with style and summary purpose
  • the text 'Through the initiative of the prison's restaurant, inmates are offered the opportunity to develop new skills, gain a sense of purpose, and reintegrate into society.' belongs in the restaurant section, not the film
• incorrect text formatting; use bold, numbers and italics consistently throughout the content and with the correct formats. See: Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Text formatting
• references:
  • Italian sources need balancing with more English language sources for an English soeaking audience ;
  • Ref. 20 is wrong;
  • citing websites: 20 of the references to websites are missing publisher information and/or correct website names. Note the differences between website name, page title, and publisher, although they may be the same. The publisher is sometimes at the page bottom. e.g. ref 1. the website name is Cancere Bollate; the publisher is Casa di Reclusione di Milano Bollate
  • ref. 5 needs referencing as a thesis, and needs the date and publisher
  • ref. 9 is missing the publisher/website name (Europis)
  • ref. 10 the. publisher is Antigone Association - Detention Observatory; the website name is Antigone
  • ref. 11 publisher is Editrice Industriale
  • ref. 12 the publisher is 'Ragione Sociale abc la sapienza in tavola coop.soc' I think
  • ref 14 publisher is Italian Botanical Trips
  • ref. 15 website name and publisher is Baobab Schools
  • ref. 16 website name is Fondazione Veronesi Magazine; publisher is Fondazione Umberto Veronesi
  • ref. 17 website name is TGCom24, publisher is TI S.p.A. Business Digital
  • ref 18 website name is AGI Agenzi Italia; publisher is Agi - Agenzia Giornalistica Italia
  • ref 19 author is Sara Ribold
  • ref. 20 should reference originak book, not this website; use cite book with publisher, date, ISBN, etc. ; the title and author fields need seperating;
  • ref. 21 may be problematic, or not. Go to YouTube entry in Wikipedia:Reliable_sources/Perennial_sources#Yahoo_News. Is it needed with ref. 20? Is it better as a potential External link? Either way, See Wikipedia:Video links
• inconsistent text e.g. Senza sbarre, Senza Sbarre, Senza sbarre (in refs.)
• non-English terms need consistent translation and correct formats e.g. Senza sbarre, Storia di un carcere aperto; ' ergastolo ostativo (irreducible life sentence)'Pugni Chiusi (Closed Fists) '; 'Benvenuti in Galera'; 'The Bollate Prison (II Casa di Reclusione di Milano)'; '"Little red house"'; etc.
• linking: you link out once, when the term is first used. e.g. see the use of [[life sentence]

Limelightangel (talk) 08:30, 21 November 2024 (UTC)

@Limelightangel references were corrected and modified,

I have also linked various pages to bollate prison:

• Marco Bergamo
• List of prisons
• Prisons by Country (Category)

LIUCmaxi (talk) 17:31, 22 November 2024 (UTC)

Links in

I just added a link in of the prison on the Bollate City Wikipedia Page. If you know other relevant pages feel free to link in. Thank you. LIUClaura (talk) 15:04, 22 November 2024 (UTC)

I added a link of the prison to the Wikipedia Page, Category:Prisons in Italy Afterthecomet (talk) 17:09, 22 November 2024 (UTC)

Great, thank you! LIUClaura (talk) 14:59, 24 November 2024 (UTC)

Pictures

I fixed the pictures in width and the captions to make the page visually better and clearer. Let me know what you thunk! LIUClaura (talk) 14:59, 24 November 2024 (UTC)

they are perfect for me, thank you laura Margheritaliuc9 (talk) 15:15, 29 November 2024 (UTC)

Inmate population charts

I removed the charts in the "Inmate population" section since prof Walker told us they were not clear so i added the tables as he recommended but i do not know how to put them next to each other, if you know how to do it please fix it, thank you. @Afterthecomet @Margheritaliuc9 @ArtDoom1 @LIUCsalvatore9@LIUCmaxi @Limelightangel LIUClaura (talk) 16:17, 24 November 2024 (UTC)

From my understanding it is not possible to put them next to each other. Afterthecomet (talk) 07:50, 25 November 2024 (UTC)

History section

As suggested by @Limelightangel, history section was reorganised according to crhonological order, starting from the 2000s to the present day. Afterthecomet (talk) 07:56, 25 November 2024 (UTC)

i did a couple of small changes but just in the text, the chronological order for me it’s perfect Margheritaliuc9 (talk) 15:16, 29 November 2024 (UTC)

Feedback 26/11/24

@Margheritaliuc9, ArtDoom1, LIUCmaxi, Afterthecomet, LIUCsalvatore9, LIUClaura, and Gianlucabonacina27:

• General Comments
  • The draft is rich in content and offers a well-rounded view of Bollate Prison, covering history, facilities, rehabilitation programs, and notable initiatives. However, certain sections need better alignment with Wikipedia's guidelines for neutrality, relevance, and readability.
  • Some areas are overly descriptive or promotional, which can detract from the encyclopedic tone. Ensure all language is neutral and adheres to Wikipedia's Manual of Style.
• Lead Section
  • The lead provides a good overview but could be more concise. Focus on summarizing the prison's unique aspects (e.g., Open Prison model, rehabilitation programs, low recidivism rate) without diving into too much detail.
  • Avoid subjective language like "renowned for its focus on rehabilitation." Replace with factual descriptions supported by reliable sources.
• References
  • Many references lack consistency and complete information:
    • Ref 2: Missing publication details and access date.
    • Ref 6: Ensure accuracy and verify reliability.
    • Ref 7: Include all authors and publication dates.
    • Ref 40: Reassess the reliability of sources like YouTube videos and local publications.
  • Balance Italian sources with more English-language references to make the article accessible to a wider audience.
• Images
  • Relevance: Some images (e.g., Biobab Nursery School, Bollate Prison's nursery) are informative but not directly relevant to the core content. Ensure images complement the narrative.
  • Captions: Improve captions for clarity. For example, "InGalera restaurant at Bollate Prison" could be "InGalera: Italy's first prison restaurant, located within Bollate Prison."
  • Organization: Reorganize images to appear near relevant sections (e.g., the athletics track image near "Sporting Activities").
• Style and Language
  • Avoid promotional or subjective phrases:
    • "Prestigious recognition" → Simply state "featured in the Michelin Guide."
    • "Groundbreaking project" → Use "first athletics track built in a prison."
    • Eliminate redundancy in descriptions (e.g., "providing opportunities for rehabilitation and reintegration").
    • Simplify technical terms and avoid jargon unless absolutely necessary (e.g., "ergastolo ostativo" could be briefly defined for non-Italian readers).
• Content Specific Comments
  • History
    • Expand on the dual inauguration in 2000-2001 for historical context. Clarify why this was significant.
  • Facilities
    • Subsections on the organization of cells and recreational areas are detailed but could be condensed. Highlight unique features like "dynamic supervision" and the Open Prison model.
  • Rehabilitation Programs
    • The section is well-detailed but could focus more on outcomes, such as success stories or measurable impacts (e.g., recidivism rates).
    • Consider merging smaller subsections like "Plant Nursery" and "Biobab Nursery School" into broader themes (e.g., "Educational and Vocational Programs").
  • Inmate Activities
    • Sections on carpentry workshops, the Living Library, and equine-assisted rehabilitation are compelling but need consistent formatting and tone. Avoid overemphasis on individual anecdotes unless they are crucial to understanding the program's impact.
  • Educational Programs
    • Highlight partnerships with universities like Bocconi and Milan-Bicocca. Provide data or examples of how many inmates benefit annually.
  • Employment Programs
    • Discuss the significance of external employment opportunities and their role in reintegration. Mention any long-term tracking of former inmates' success.
  • Cultural Activities
    • "Theatre and Cinema" is a strong section but could be streamlined. Emphasize community integration efforts like public performances and cinema projects.
  • Notable Inmates
    • Avoid excessive detail on crimes committed by notable inmates. Focus on why their incarceration in Bollate is significant (e.g., treatment of life-sentenced prisoners).
• Neutrality
  • Some areas contain subjective or opinionated language:
    • "The prison is considered a model, also known as the Bollate Model." → "The prison has been described as a model by criminal justice experts."
    • "This initiative highlights the value of collaboration and support within the prison community." → Remove or substantiate with references.
• Linking
  • Avoid overlinking common terms like "Italy," "prison," or "COVID-19." Use links selectively for topics requiring further explanation (e.g., "ergastolo ostativo").
  • Ensure internal links point to relevant Wikipedia articles, avoiding broken or irrelevant links.
• Suggestions for Improvement
  • Summarize Overlapping Content: Combine repetitive sections like "Rehabilitation Programs" and "Educational Programs" under broader headings for clarity.
  • Include Data: Add quantitative data wherever possible, such as annual recidivism rates, number of programs, or inmate participation levels.
  • Highlight Innovations: Focus on what makes Bollate Prison unique (e.g., dynamic supervision, InGalera restaurant) rather than generic descriptions.
  • Address Recent Issues: Mention challenges like overcrowding or incidents (e.g., Cristian Filippo Braidich’s escape) in a balanced manner.

Greentree97 (talk) 14:15, 26 November 2024 (UTC)

Photos

Today @LIUClaura was permitted within the prison, and one of the professors giving the tour generously suggested to send photos of the overall structure with the permission of the prison itself. We are waiting on their approval of the draft page so we are kindly asking not to edit the page from tomorrow 28/11/2024 at 13:00 pm. until further notice. Afterthecomet (talk) 18:12, 27 November 2024 (UTC)

Okay perfect! LIUCsalvatore9 (talk) 20:15, 27 November 2024 (UTC)

I've just proceeded adding the pictures Dott.Bezzi sent me! LIUClaura (talk) 09:42, 29 November 2024 (UTC)

Feedback 28/11/24

@Margheritaliuc9, ArtDoom1, LIUCmaxi, Afterthecomet, LIUCsalvatore9, LIUClaura, and Gianlucabonacina27: I have just spent 2 hours editing this draft to help get it ready for submission, particularly correcting grammar, structure, relevance and style. I have only got as far as the end of the History section and need help with the remaining large volumes of text on the page. Issues include many identified in earlier detailed feedback, including:

• excessive and inapproriate use of bold
• issues of generic and irrelevant content e.g. 'Effective communication with the outside world is an essential element in any penitentiary system, as it plays a key role in the rehabilitation process,'; 'The general prison population description as well as demographic characteristics of the inmate population, including gender distribution, nationality, age, marital status, and educational attainment is crucial to understand the prison's philosophy.'etc. This type of text needs removing.
• extensive use of inappropriate style e.g. 'Effective communication with the outside world is an essential element in any penitentiary system, as it plays a key role in the rehabilitation process, which aims to facilitate the rapid reintegration of prisoners into society. Inmates can make regular phone calls, exchange and send letters at Bollate Prison and are also entitled to visits from their family members. Thus, prisoners feel support from ..'; 'skills of preparing and serving exquisite cuisine.'; 'This collective effort highlights the value of collaboration and support within the prison community'; 'continuing Michelina's vision.'; 'Society, in turn, learns to look at prisoners differently: not as outsiders, but as people who can also make mistakes, bbut as people capable of change and deserving of second chances.' ;'bringing together selected inmates and experts to foster a deeper understanding of the issue'; 'In Bollate, the Living Library has become popular. People come to listen, understand, and perhaps change their attitude towards those who were previously judged only for their mistakes'; etc. - there are many more to address and it needs a systematic and thorough check of the entire page text, with the removal of this text.
• there are several minor issues related to grammar, spacing and punctuation e.g. 'Prison Art association,', ' bbut as people capable'; etc.
• extensive duplicate content in the area of 'aims of developing inmates' skills, promoting their social reintegration and improving their physical and mental well-being.' It needs a systematic and thorough check of the entire page text to reduce/remove duplicate content.
• there remain repetitive issues with over-linking
• some content is both irrelevant and is unacceptable style, and needs removing e.g. 'Inmates who remain at Bollate for extended periods are more likely to receive opportunities for employment outside the prison and to be granted permission for daytime releases. Providing these job opportunities and supporting their transition into the labor market may significantly contribute to our findings'; etc.
• image captions: some are good but others need improving e.g. 'Biobab Nursery School.' See Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Captions
• see the help links provided in earlier feedback to resolve the many issues

Limelightangel (talk) 15:35, 28 November 2024 (UTC)