Talk:1969 Curaçao uprising/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 14:38, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

Comments

• "They took place..." mildly confusing, as it was either the uprising (sing.), the series of riots (sing.) or the riots (pl.)...

• Changed to "The uprising took place..." Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• "violent and led to widespread looting and destruction of buildings and " and and and ... little too many run-ons here.

• Changed to "A protest rally during the strike turned violent, leading to widespread looting..." Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• " under a 1954 Charter" shouldn't that be "the 1954 Charter" since it's a specific thing?

• Wouldn't saying "the 1954 Charter" presume that readers know about this charter. Maybe "...under the 1954 Charter, which re-defined the relationship between the Netherlands and its former colonies"? Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• I think it might be okay as it stands as long as you decapitalise Charter, or else go with your reword suggestion which makes it clearer. The Rambling Man (talk) 20:40, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• "Black power sentiments " usually capitalise that P.

• Changed throughout the article. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• "A demonstration by workers and labor activists on May 31" your opening para said they mainly took place on May 30, so the timeline seems a little off here. Plus not sure why this info needs repeating in the lead?

• Oops, good catch. Changed to "A demonstration by workers and labor activists on May 30 became violent, sparking the uprising". Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• "By 1969, Shell only employed around 4,000 people." just something reads a bit off here, maybe make it clear, "By 1969, the number of people employed by Shell in Curaçao had dropped to 4,000", or something?

• Changed. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• In fact, that region of the article seems to employ quite a few short sentences in a row, making for a bit of a jarring read.

• I've merged several sentences. Does that make it a better read? Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• Suriname is overlinked in the Background section.
• As is Netherlands, Netherlands Antilles, and Kingdom of the Netherlands.

• Removed links. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• " Similarly, black power movements.." see above.
• "This tranquility was ..." I don't think you said tranquility, just that it was "thought an unlikely site for political turmoil". Perhaps "The relative tranquility " or something similar?

• Changed Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• Is CIO the common name? (I've never heard of it). I would normally use the full title in most cases other than the extreme (e.g. NASA, UEFA).

• Changed to "...the Puerto Rican section of the American labor federation Congress of Industrial Organizations (CIO) aided..." Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• " The police, with the mere sixty officers " "a" mere, rather than "the" mere.

• Changed. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• " rule[32]. " ref after punc.

• Changed. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• "September 5, 1969 elections " comma after year.

• Changed Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• "first black governor of the Netherlands Antilles" our article capitalises the G in this kind of usage.

• Changed Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• Probably just a pref, but for page numbers, I usually just use p. and for multiples or page ranges, I use pp.

• I've become accustomed to using pg., but don't really care either way, so I've changed it. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• "117&ndash, 125." needs fixing Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• Something must've changed in the cite-templates, because that used to be displayed as an en-dash. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• " pp. 433&ndash, 477." needs fixing too.
• pp. 239&ndash, 260. and pp. 117&ndash, 131. and pp. 597&ndash, 614. too.
• You have "May 1969 events" as a cat, but in the lead you say "but continued until June 1, 1969" so presumably "June 1969 events" as a cat is permissible too?

That's all I have, cheers, so I'll put the article on hold. Good work. The Rambling Man (talk) 15:50, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• Added Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

• Responded to one comment above, I'll re-read in due course and hopefully close this down! Cheers. The Rambling Man (talk) 20:40, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

Thanks a lot for your feedback, The Rambling Man. I've addressed all your points to the best of my ability. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)

All good, passing. The Rambling Man (talk) 21:11, 13 November 2018 (UTC)