Talk:1990 Andhra Pradesh cyclone/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 04:11, 7 April 2010 (UTC) Comments.

• and started to rapidly intensify - poor grammar, you should avoid the split infinitive. Either do "started rapidly intensifying" or "started to intensify rapidly".
  • FixedJason Rees (talk) 19:39, 7 April 2010 (UTC)
• Please make sure units are consistent, as in proper parenthesis for converted units. Similarly, make sure there is proper comma usage for numbers in the thousands or greater.
  • FixedJason Rees (talk) 19:39, 7 April 2010 (UTC)
    • No, it's not. Anything over 999 needs to have a comma in the digits, be it acres, dollars less than million, or animals. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 20:14, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

Im fairly sure thats not the case as ive also been taught to put a space in but ive added them.Jason Rees (talk) 20:31, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

Yea, it should be "100,000 animals", not "100000" animals. Check WP:MOSNUM - Numbers with five or more digits to the left of the decimal point (i.e., 10,000 or more) should be delimited into groups so they can be easily parsed... Numbers with four digits to the left of the decimal point may or may not be delimited. As the numbers in the article have six digits, they need the comma. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 20:34, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

• The second sentence of the MH is really long, please fix it.
  • FixedJason Rees (talk) 19:39, 7 April 2010 (UTC)
• Likewise, the 2nd sentence of the 2nd paragraph of the MH is also really long. Try and find a better flow of wording/sentences. Also, the 3rd is just as bad. "However the turn turned out to be more to the north than anticipated" - this is awkward, the "turn turned", "turned out" itself is vernacular, and you could explain more clearly how its turn to the north allowed more strengthening. This is a problem throughout the article, having confusing sentence structure or just overall too long-winding sentences.
• "warnings were provided throughout the cyclonic storm" - warnings occurred inside the storm? Clarify the wording
• The 2nd sentence of the impact is long and could be a lot clearer.
• Overall, use active voice more. "The review is made by me" is longer and more complicated than "I made the review". I suggest you remove every instance of passive voice in the article.
• "7000 people were left stranded on Edurumandi Island after they refused to be evacuated.[5] Edurumandi Island" - can you find a way not to list the island name twice? Also, you shouldn't start a paragraph, or even a sentence for that matter, with a number.
• I won't go on more about the writing. Overall, the content is pretty good. You should check if there was impact in Sri Lanka. The biggest problem, by far, is the writing, as most of the article could use a copyedit. So many of the sentences just go on and on which makes me confusing when I read the article which I was in the process of reviewing and I am putting on hold. I suggest you use an outside copyeditor, in case you don't see where it needs work. I'm leaning toward failing it, but I'll leave it on hold for seven days. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 04:11, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

Most things should be fixed - but ive asked a copyeditor to take a look over the article.Jason Rees (talk) 20:31, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

I copyedited the article from top to bottom. It's not perfect, but better. –Juliancolton | ^Talk 13:00, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks Julian and HinkJason Rees (talk) 13:50, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

Looks good - passing. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:28, 12 April 2010 (UTC)