Talk:2003 24 Hours of Le Mans/GA1
Latest comment: 4 years ago by Sanfranciscogiants17 in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 18:28, 10 April 2020 (UTC)
1. Prose
Lead
- 24 hour race - should there be a hyphen between 24 and hour?
- No I wouldn't say so in this instance MWright96 (talk) 08:24, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- That's fine Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 14:44, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- No I wouldn't say so in this instance MWright96 (talk) 08:24, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- from pole position - from the pole position
- with a Alex Job Racing - with an Alex Job Racing
Background and regulation changes
- Again, clarify that Faroux's proposal started the 1st 24 Hours of Le Mans, not this one specifically.
- Link Charles Faroux
- the president of the automotive group, the Automobile Club de l'Ouest (ACO) - president of Automobile Club de l'Ouest (ACO), I think the link is enough explanation.
- Then, put a comma before you start talking about Coquile
- entered into the LMGTS - I think it is supposed to be in. Into technically is used when moving from outside to inside.
- over a white line - should it be "the white line"
- Add a ; after kerbing, and put a comma after otherwise
- It granted 50 invitations to the 24 Hours of Le Mans - probably can take out to the 24 Hours of Le Mans
Automatic entries
- As entries were pre-selected to teams - As entries were designated for teams, or as entries were pre-selected by teams, whichever is accurate
- Chose the former MWright96 (talk) 08:24, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- they - change to "the teams," because the preceding clause modifies the subject (they makes it seem like entries is the subject)
- Last 2 sentences of paragraph start with Audi - one thing you could do is simply add However to the start of the 2nd sentence
Entry list
- composed the field with 22 different makes - composed the field, representing 22 different makes - wording's just a little awkward the way it is now.
- wanted the field to be heterogeneousness, "This - wanted the field to be heterogeneous. "This
- Have changed it a little MWright96 (talk) 08:24, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- I still don't think wanted the field to be heterogeneousness is grammatically correct. Doesn't wanted the field to be heterogenous work? Or, is there another way you could phrase it? @MWright96:
- Reworded MWright96 (talk) 14:58, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- I still don't think wanted the field to be heterogeneousness is grammatically correct. Doesn't wanted the field to be heterogenous work? Or, is there another way you could phrase it? @MWright96:
- Have changed it a little MWright96 (talk) 08:24, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- Is Cosson's quote a translation? If so, try this instead - This is certainly not the right solution for the 24 Hours. We can only agree with our decisions, and we do not appreciate the people who spit in the soup. We will remember them.
- Have actually written it into my own words instead. MWright96 (talk) 08:24, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
Bio-ethanol car
- Change its to "The car's" on the second-to-last sentence.
Testing
- was caught out by - spun out on
- Done with a minor difference to the one suggested MWright96 (talk) 08:24, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- a top three sweep - a top-three sweep
Qualifying
- Eight hours...was available - change to were
- and Johnny Herbert bettering his effort - and Johnny Herbert, who bettered his effort
- was held in lower asphalt - was held with lower asphalt
- after seven minutes for an accident - after seven minutes because of an accident (the way you have it, it looks like the accident was planned (:)
- from the car by removing - from the car. They removed because putting him in the ambulance wasn't part of removing him from the car.
- to test cars in race conditions - to test cars under race condtions
- remained much of the same - remained mostly the same
Warm-up
- sessiion - extra I
- session commenced Romain Dumas - comma after commenced
More to come! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 19:00, 10 April 2020 (UTC)
Start
- Thunderstorms were forecast, and at the start the weather was clear although a heavy rain shower fell on the track. - If a heavy shower fell on the track, the weather was not clear when it was coming down. Elaborate when the shower happened - if it preceded the race, then you can say that despite a heavy shower before the race, the weather was clear when the race began
- Rewritten MWright96 (talk) 08:24, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- passed Magnussen's Team Goh Audi in third - passed Magnussen's Team Goh Audi for third or passed Magnussen's Team Goh Audi, which fell to third whichever is correct
- Used the former MWright96 (talk) 08:24, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- for a return to the pit lane was unsuccessful - for a return to the pit lane proved unsuccessful
- Not long after Capello - Not long after, Capello
- to stop the car spinning - to stop the car from spinning
- In the third hour Kristensen - In the third hour, Kristensen
- car relinquished the lead - car lost the lead (sounds less stilted). Or, you could change to Noël del Bello Racing's Reynard car of Didier André passed the RN Motorsport Zytek car as it was having its alternator changed
- 3 hours and 40 minutes in safety cars were deployed to slow the race - Safety cars slowed the race for 3 hours and 40 minutes
- Done differently because the safety cars did not slow for 3 hours and 40 minutes MWright96 (talk) 08:24, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- to the category lead until - to take the category lead until
- to rectify a water leak and ceding - to rectify a water leak, ceding
Night
- vehicle - take out an e :)
- chicane but the car still led - run-on sentence, put period after chicane. "He managed to retain the lead."
- "Soon after" - comma after after
- between the two Prodrive pair - redundant wording? Take out two, unless you are referring to two pairs.
- Changed the wording MWright96 (talk) 14:20, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- Take out the comma after tyres, as well as the comma after laps
- C-Ford with all three drivers covered by 20 seconds - C-Ford; all three drivers were within 20 seconds of each other, more correct verb usage
- mechanic holding a jack to lift the car from the ground and a rear tyre fitter - since you've linked jack, probably safe to shorten it to mechanic with the jack and a rear tyre fitter
- through faster pace - through its faster pace
- Soon after Beretta - Soon after, Beretta
- second placed car - second-place car
- was hindered with a - was hindered by a
- 1-minute and 40 second - dashes between each of these words, since the time is being used as an adjective
- Luhr's No. 83 Alex Job Racing Porsche succumbed to a punctured radiator caused by a sharp rock penetrating it and raising its oil and water temperatures - Luhr's No. 83 Alex Job Racing Porsche succumbed to raised oil and water temperatures caused by a sharp rock penetrating its radiator
- Reworded MWright96 (talk) 14:20, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- Take out the comma after replaced
- Mulsanne Straight and ceded - Mulsanne Straight and he ceded the way it is written now, it looks like the engine ceded the position
Morning to early afternoon
- he sustained - he had sustained, since it happened prior to the examination
- a door and was taken - a door; he was taken
- Not long after a - Not long after, a
- for a replacement battery and losing two - for a replacement battery, losing the car two
- for four minutes and relinquishing the position - for four minutes, giving the position works better grammatically, kind of a run-on sentence the way it is now.
- only those two cars - which two cars?
- Clarified MWright96 (talk) 14:20, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- Take the commas out of the last sentence of this paragraph, not needed
- a left-rear puncture and he lost control of the No. 15 Racing For Holland car under braking - a left-rear puncture, losing control of the No. 15 Racing For Holland car when he braked
- locked up ad made - locked up and made (reminds me of when I put "dingers" on Bruce Kison :) )
- a change of alternator in six minutes - for concision, a six-minute change of the alternator
- Soon after Wallace's - Soon after, Wallace's
- Chicane and causing - Chicane, causing
Finish
- a pit stop b - take out the b
- and to be relieved by co-driver Pirro - and a driver switch with co-driver Pirro
Once these changes are addressed, it should be ready for GA status! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 12:21, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
- @Sanfranciscogiants17: Have made the necessary changes to the article. Please do re-read the article to see if there are any more outstanding issues. MWright96 (talk) 14:20, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
2. Verifiability
- Ref 20 seems dead
- Ref 25 seems dead
- Ref 30 seems dead
- Ref 33 seems dead
- Archived all four references MWright96 (talk) 08:24, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
3. Depth of coverage
4. Neutral
5. Stable
6. Illustrations
7. Misc.
@MWright96: Now looks good, passing. Well done! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 15:20, 11 April 2020 (UTC)