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Talk:2012 24 Hours of Le Mans/GA1

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Latest comment: 4 years ago by Epicgenius in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 4 years ago48 comments2 people in discussion
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Reviewer: Epicgenius (talk · contribs) 03:59, 2 February 2020 (UTC)Reply


Wow, this has been there for a while. Also looks like a pretty long article. I'll highlight major issues below. epicgenius (talk) 03:59, 2 February 2020 (UTC)Reply

GA review
(see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar):  
    b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references):  
    b (citations to reliable sources):  
    c (OR):  
    d (copyvio and plagiarism):  
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):  
    b (focused):  
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):  
    b (appropriate use with suitable captions):  

Overall:
Pass/Fail:  

  ·   ·   ·  


Prose and coverage

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Will check this on Monday.

@MWright96: Here are my initial comments.

Lead

  • with 30 of the race's 56 entries contesting the championship - Does "contesting" in this case mean competing?
  • Is there a wiki link to "test day"?
  • The car ran without trouble in the opening hours of the race until a Toyota TS030 Hybrid shared by Alexander Wurz, Kazuki Nakajima and Nicolas Lapierre overtook it for the lead that it relinquished during a safety car period for circuit personnel to tend to a major accident at the start of the sixth hour - this is a pretty long sentence. Any way to condense this?

Background

Regulation changes

  • With the introduction of hybrid electric vehicles for the first time at the 24 Hours of Le Mans, the ACO and the world governing body of motor racing - So hybrid electric vehicles were never used in previous 24 Hours of Le Mans races? Or was this the first time hybrid vehicles were allowed at any motor race, ever?

Automatic entries

Entry list

Garage 56

Reserves

  • accumulating the necessary budget - as an American, "budget" sounds weird to me. Would this be the maintenance/operations fund, the entry fee, or something else?

Testing and practice

  • Duval set the fastest time in the first session with a lap of 3 minutes and 27.738 seconds in the No. 3 Audi R18 Ultra,[20] but McNish improved to a lap of 3 minutes and 25.927 seconds in the No. 2 Audi R18 e-tron quattro though he crashed at Tertre Rouge corner with one hour remaining and was unable to continue.[21] - I get the feeling this is a run-on sentence.
  • with a 3 minutes and 39.669 seconds lap - is it "3-minute and 39.669-second"?

More later. epicgenius (talk) 18:08, 3 February 2020 (UTC)Reply

Thanks for the prompt replies. I will leave more comments when I get home in several hours. epicgenius (talk) 20:58, 3 February 2020 (UTC)Reply
@MWright96: Have a little more time to look at it now, so here goes. epicgenius (talk) 16:47, 5 February 2020 (UTC)Reply

Qualifying

  • The first of three two hour qualifying sessions - this doesn't look right, did you mean "two-hour qualifying sessions"?
  • followed by Kristensen overtaking Jarvis - after the first few minutes?
  • Weather conditions continued to be clear for the second session on 14 June. - If I'm understanding this correctly, did this start in the early hours of 13 June and then continued for at least another day? Or did it start in the late hours of 13 June, and this was only several hours long? If it's the former, I'm not sure that the wording "continued to be clear" is right.
  • Lotterer in the No. 1 R18 e-tron quattro set a new fastest lap of 3 minutes and 23.787 seconds thirteen minutes in - also a little confusing, I think you meant that the record occurred 13 minutes after the start of the third session.

Qualifying results

  • Nothing wrong here. Actually, this makes the previous section a lot clearer.

Warm-up

  • Jarvis' No. 4 Audi was fourth, the quickest Toyota was fifth after a time from Wurz and his teammate Sarrazin was sixth. - I don't quite understand this either. It's probably missing a comma somewhere, unless this is supposed to be a serial list, in which case the wording needs to be improved.

More later. epicgenius (talk) 16:47, 5 February 2020 (UTC)Reply

Start

  • The conditions on the grid were dry and sunny before the race with an air temperature between 10.5 to 21 °C (50.9 to 69.8 °F) and the track temperature ranged from 15.5 to 26 °C (59.9 to 78.8 °F) - the second half of the sentence doesn't sound right. I suggest you replace the track temperature ranged from with "a track temperature between", similar to the phrasing for air temperature.
  • Light rain fell on the north section of the track though it was not heavy enough to affect the race - I suggest replacing it was not heavy enough to affect the race with "it did not affect the race". I think readers can probably assume that light rain wasn't heavy, unless there is something I'm missing.
  • The hour had the first retirement with the No. 29 Gulf Racing Middle East Lola sustaining a broken front-left wheel alignment from an accident leaving the Porsche Curves by Rostan as the No. 79 Flying Lizard of Pilet and later Spencer Pumpelly took a clear lead in LMGTE Am after the No. 99 Aston Martin of Simonsen developed a misfire - I am slightly confused, since there are no commas to set off the sentence.
  • LMGTE Pro continued to be close battle - a close battle?
  • I just realized I never asked what lapping means. I might just be ignorant, or else this is a bit of jargon.
  • 26 minutes and 34 seconds pit stop - should be singular, e.g. "26-minute and 34-second"; or else have "pit stop of 26 minutes and 34 seconds"

Evening to night

  • Davidson was found to have fractured the T11 and T12 vertebrae - This is in passive voice, but in my opinion, it may be better in active voice.
  • Toyota lost its one remaining entry when the No. 7 car retired after 10½ hours with an engine failure - I don't have any problem with this, just noting how Toyota sucked badly in this race. Overall this section is very engaging to read.


Morning to early afternoon

  • when Makowiecki's Luxury Racing Ferrari picked up a right-rear puncture and forcing the team's mechanics to replace it. - "Picked up" and "forcing" are different verb forms. It should be either "picked up a right-rear puncture and forced the team's mechanics" or "picked up a right-rear puncture, forcing the team's mechanics".
  • crashed heavily in the Porsche Curves and sending the car facing in the opposite direction - same issue as above, with "crashed" and "sending"
  • fifth class victory, first class win - just a question. Is it a fifth instance of a "class victory"/"class win", or a victory in the "fifth class"? Same question with third class victory, etc.

Finish

  • the first hybrid electric vehicle to win the 24 Hour race,[5] and the first for a four-wheel drivetrain - this does not sound right either, because if you eliminate the first phrase, you have the [first for a four-wheel drivetrain] to win the 24 Hour race. I suggest "the first four-wheel drivetrain to do so" or something similar.

Post-race

Championship standings after the race

  • All good.

@MWright96: These are all my prose comments for now. epicgenius (talk) 17:52, 16 February 2020 (UTC)Reply

POV

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Seems neutral to me.

Sources

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Haven't looked at these closely yet, but I see no blatantly disallowed sources or citation needed tags.

Images

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