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Talk:2012 Spanish Grand Prix/GA1

< Talk:2012 Spanish Grand Prix
Latest comment: 3 years ago by SSSB in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 3 years ago7 comments2 people in discussion
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Reviewer: SSSB (talk · contribs) 09:17, 26 August 2021 (UTC)Reply

This was the first Grand Prix I watched, so this should be fun. It will take me a few sessions to complete the review.

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar):   b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section):   b (citations to reliable sources):   c (OR):   d (copyvio and plagiarism):  
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):   b (focused):  
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):   b (appropriate use with suitable captions):  
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:  

Infobox

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  • The infobox has an attendance parameter, it may be worth utilising this. Y

Lead

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  • 22nd time the Spanish Grand Prix was held in Catalonia. - this is confusing. I think you mean that it was the 22nd Spanish GP at the Circuit de Catalunya, but not the 22nd in Catalonia as other venues in Catalonia have also hosted the Spanish Grand Prix. So this statement needs to be changed either to say that it was the 22nd race at the circuit, or the 32nd GP in Catalonia, whichever is supported by the sources. Y
  • he began from the back of the grid due to a post-qualifying fuel irregularity. - we're missing a step here, he started from the back because he was excluded from qualifying. I suggest changing it to he was excluded from qualifying [reason], forcing him to start the race from the back. Secondly, the note under the quali results table says he was excluded for not providing enough fuel for a sample. This seems like a contradiction. I would have though that an insufficent sample would mean that the FIA are unable to determine that there isn't an irregularity, not that there is an irregularity. Reading the sources which accompany the note confuses me more. The sources claim that you need 1L and Hamilton had 1.3L, but he was excluded because he was unable to drive the car back to the pits (because if he had, then he wouldn't have the 1L. I therefore suggest you make the reason in the lead the same as the reason given in the post-race section, i.e. he was excluded from qualifying after the technical requaltions on refueling, forcing him to start the race from the back. Y
  • Maldonado thus inherited pole position but was overtaken by Alonso at the start of the Grand Prix. - "but" is a WP:W2W, can just be replaced with "and". Same can be said of the previous sentence, Hamilton qualified his McLaren fastest in qualifying but he began from the back. Y
  • first two cycles of pit stops for a new set of tyre compounds, - you can run the same compound multiple times. So this sentence neds to have "compounds" removed, and "tyre" should be pluralised. Y
  • Maldonado's strategy enabled him to reclaim the lead as Alonso remained out for an additional two laps and was delayed by a slower driver during the second pit stop cycle. - are you saying that Alonso was held-up when he remained out for an additional two laps, or that Maldonado under-cut him and Alonso was also held up? I suggest using the approximate wording I did, wikilinking under-cut to Glossary_of_motorsport_terms#U to clarify this point. Y
  • retook first place after passing two-lap leader Răikkönen on lap 47 - this almost sounds like Raikkonen was leading by two laps, and Maldonado managed to regain those two laps somehow. I suggest simply removing the reference of how many laps Raikkonen had lead before he was overtaken. Y
  • drew close to Maldonado but was not able to pass Maldonado who maintained the lead for the rest of the race to win. - would red better if you changed the second "Maldonado" to "him". Y
  • and Răikkönen took third after being put on a strategy intending to win him the Grand Prix. - Maldonado and Alonso were also on staergies to win. Also, "intending" needs to be past tense. Perhaps include the word "alternate", so it reads and Răikkönen took third after being put on an alternate strategy intended to win him the Grand Prix. Y

Background

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  • 22nd running of the event in Catalonia. - same issue as in the lead. Y
  • The company had been criticised by drivers over the extreme sensitivity of their tyres, - the sources in this paragrapgh only contains critism from on driver (and one team prinipal), and Pirreli are complimented by another. Therefore to claim that multiple drivers is unsourced (at best WP:OR if you suggest that Button and Hamilton critised Pirelli through Whitmarsh. We either need more sources to claim that multiple drivers have critised, or you need to name Schumacher and Whitmarsh individually. Y
  • Alonso was fastest in the first day - should be "on the first day" Y
  • Red Bull team principal Christian Horner said he felt consistency in races teams could not win would determine who would win the championship - this sentence doesn't make sense in its current format. Are you trying to say "Horner said he felt consistency would determine who would win the championship"? or "Horner said he felt consistency in non-winning teams would determine who won the championship"? I would suggest "Horner said he felt the championship would be won by the team that was most consistent across they races they didn't win." - this wording is significantly clearer. Y
  • The important thing is to make progress, reducing the gap as much as possible, first this weekend, then again in Monaco and after that, in Montreal, Valencia, Silverstone…" - this part of the quote isn't cited. Y

Practice

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Several of the sources discuss long-run pace, it may be worth including some of this. Y

Qualifying

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  • Cars in the final session were not allowed to change tyres, using the tyres with which they set their quickest lap times. - huh? Not allowed to change tyres within the third session? Between the second and third session? Between the third session and the race? Quickest time from the second session? Quickest time in the third session? Please clarify. Y
  • right-hand scrubbed - scrubbed is WP:JARGON Y

Race

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Paragraph 2
  • The Sunday Telegrapgh source should be identified as being behind a pay-wall by including the |url-access=registration parameter in the citation template (Template:Cite web#Subscription or registration required) Y
  • ... to avoid tyre damage and discover where... - should be "to avoid tyre damage and to discover where" (bolding is for your benefit, not for insertion into article) Y
  • left front and rear tyres wear on lap six. - do you mean left front and both rears, or left front and left rear? Y
  • Webber had earlier almost got caught out and avoided hitting the rear of an early braking Karthikeyan trying to pass the HRT driver. - the source lists this as happening after Vettel's stop (so not earlier). If this is clarified in the Telegrapgh source (to which I don't have access, ignore this).
Paragrapgh 3
  • Räikkönen and his teammate Grosjean drove on used soft tyres since Lotus thought those compounds would be faster than the hard compounds. - they were faster than the hards. This needs to be reworded for accuracy. "since Lotus thought the lap time difference between the hard and soft tyres would be larger."? Y
  • but Schumacher struck the rear of Senna's vehicle following a late move. - two issues here:
  1. "but" is a WP:W2W. I suggest removing "but" and starting a new sentence. Y
  2. A late move from whom? My initial thought (reading this) was a late defensive move by Senna, whereas sources Schumacher made a late move. Also needs to be changed to "late atacking move", or "late move across the track". Y
Paragraph 4
  • He struck a detached left-rear tyre during the tyre switch, lifting his car into the air and dropping him to 14th. - he struck the tyre when pulling out, it reads as if the he hit the left-rear whilst he was stationary (when they were physically changinf the tyre. I suggest "He struck a detached left-rear tyre pulling away from the tyre switch, lifting his car into the air and dropping him to 14th. Y
  • Grosjean used DRS to pass Rosberg on the outside for sixth entering turn one on the following lap but was 20 seconds behind his teammate Räikkönen by being behind Rosberg. - again, "but" is word to watch. This sentence also reads strange, change to "Grosjean used DRS to pass Rosberg on the outside for sixth entering turn one on the following lap, he had lost 20 seconds to teammate Räikkönen whilst behind Rosberg"? Y
Paragraph 5

No issues

Paragrapgh starting "Pic was imposed a drive-through2
  • Vettel made an pit stop for a front wing replacement since he sustained front-left cone damage and tyres on lap 43, - what's a cone? If it refers to a front wing part it is WP:JARGON which either needs to be explained or rewritten to elinamte the jargon. Also the word order sounds wierd. Perhaps change to "Vettel made an pit stop on lap 43 for new tyres and a front wing replacement since he sustained front-left cone damage [footnote explaining what a cone is]," or "Vettel made an pit stop on lap 43 for new tyres and a front wing replacement since he sustained damage on the left of the wing", I also don't see the reference for cone damage, unless you mean nose damage, in this case you can leave the word nose without the note. Y

Post race

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  • All the Autosport refs should be identified as being limited access by including the |url-access=limited parameter in the citation template (Template:Cite web#Subscription or registration required) Y
  • Grosjean stated the start of the event was difficult since he found it hard to get - I would argue that the event includes practice and quali, change to "start of the race"? Y
  • Rosberg said tyre management was the issue with his Mercedes team and was bemused i slowed him during the race. - typo (bolded), I assume it should be "it"? Y
  • spark from the KERS unit - WP:ACRONYM should be spelt out in first use. Y KERS could also be wikilinked.
  • Another telegrapgh source needs |url-access=registration, please make sure all the telegrapgh have them.

Other comments

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@MWright96: review is complete, good work. I have raised a few things above (I am probably being unresonable picky), I'll place it on hold pending updates. If you have any questions, or you are done then drop me a line here. I see that you have already made some changes, I'll tick them of later (unless you beat me to it). SSSB (talk) 11:44, 7 September 2021 (UTC)Reply

@MWright96:, that all looks good. Passing. Congratulations on another good article. SSSB (talk) 14:56, 8 September 2021 (UTC)Reply

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