Talk:A New Day Has Come/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 04:05, 22 January 2013 (UTC)

Can't believe this has been on GAN for so long! Here's my review.

• "It's her first new studio album" - I think "it's" should be "It was". It's a personal editing choice, but I think given ambiguity between "it is" and "it was", I'd rather see it written out in the past tense.
• "Dion returned after a two-year hiatus where she gave birth to her first child." - where -> when
  • What about this? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 16:17, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
    • "Dion returned to the music scene after a two-year hiatus". When? On March 22, 2002 - the date is in the previous sentence. Max24 (talk) 01:11, 24 January 2013 (UTC)
• "including the new Swedish team" - was that their nickname? I think that sounds unencyclopediac, since there's nowhere else in the article where that term is mentioned.
  • Were those Swedish musicians new to music scene, or just new to Dion's crew? If the latter, I'd say "including [X and Y] for the first time." --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 16:17, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
    • Done. Max24 (talk) 01:11, 24 January 2013 (UTC)
• "reaching top forty" - for here and other instances, shouldn't it be "reaching the top forty?"
• "Since then, she has performed publicly only a handful of times, including September 21, 2001" - shouldn't this be "she had performed"?
• "According to Dion, the album's title, A New Day Has Come, acknowledged a chapter in her life and career" - I hate to ask, given the title, but would it be "acknowledged a new chapter?" Is this a quote?
• "However, she was also deeply affected by the events of September 11 and wanted the words to serve as a reminder of the tragedy as well." - "as well" isn't needed
• "Angélil, Dion, and the Sony family began fielding songs at the beginning of 2001" - The previous mention of "Angélil" was Dion's newborn, so I don't think that's what's meant here. Also, "fielding"? Maybe "selecting prospective" would work better and more natural?
• "seven-months old baby" - IMO that should be "month"
• I've never felt more powerful." I want this album to be soothing," - parenthesis problem?
  • There's still something wrong here. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 16:17, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
    • I have removed part of the citation. Max24 (talk) 01:11, 24 January 2013 (UTC)
• ""If people need a partner, a helping hand, to cry, to dance, whatever it is, I want it to be like a little shoulder to lean on. As we all know, the world is going through a lot."" - this seems a bit extraneous, IMO. Your call though.
• "which Dion first heard three years ago" - ago -> prior
• "1947's song" - 's isn't needed
• Ref 11 seems unreliable, given it's from Amazon. Can you get a better source for that info?
  • Could you add a source when you compare the two lengths of "The Greatest Reward"? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 16:17, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
    • Done - I have added two sources, one for the album with short version and one for the album with extended version. Max24 (talk) 01:11, 24 January 2013 (UTC)
• "The Destiny's Child" - remove "The"
• "For the finale, the divas performed a special Elvis Presley medley which included Dion's "Can't Help Falling in Love." - so was that song off a Dion album? Or was that Dion's solo in the medley? If that's the case, it should be rewritten.
• "at number twenty-two" - any reason you didn't do "22"? Ditto elsewhere in the article for numbers above 10.
  • Per WP:MOSNUM, this still needs to be done. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 16:17, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
    • At first I have changed the numbers from words to figures but I have read the WP:MOSNUM and it says: "As a general rule, in the body of an article, single-digit whole numbers from zero to nine are spelled out in words; numbers greater than nine, if they are expressed in one or two words, may be rendered in numerals or in words (16 or sixteen, 84 or eighty-four, 200 or two hundred). So I have restored the words. Max24 (talk) 01:11, 24 January 2013 (UTC)
• "Critical reception" is good, largely because it uses so many quotes.
• "and as of December 5, 2010, it has sold 3,307,000 copies in the United States" - any more recent?

All in all, pretty good. Lemme know when you deal with these. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 04:05, 22 January 2013 (UTC)

Done :) The source form December 5, 2010 is the most recent. Thank you for the review! The article has been on GAN for so long... Max24 (talk) 11:49, 23 January 2013 (UTC)

Yea, it was on GAN way too long. I reposted a few things that weren't quite done. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 16:17, 23 January 2013 (UTC)