Talk:Abdullah II of Jordan/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Stedil (talk · contribs) 18:27, 2 January 2018 (UTC)

Hello! I will review this article. I'll put general comments/progress towards meeting the criteria in the table, and will address specific areas for improvement below. Stedil (talk) 18:27, 2 January 2018 (UTC)

This article may take some time to review thoroughly. I'll add details for you to work on as I finish them. Stedil (talk) 22:07, 2 January 2018 (UTC)

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	I do a general copyedit during the review for minor corrections. A few sentences will need to be rewritten. Update: copyedit complete, all issues (all minor) have been resolved.
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.	Article is formatted appropriately.
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.	Sources are formatted accurately.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).	Most sources are reliable. Occasionally relies on primary sources, though the article is careful to apply this info only to non-controversial areas (ex: number of children, date of birth). The difficulty with this subject is finding sources that aren't distorted by the opinions of their authors. Update: Some issues with information that is not supported in the source cited. The more I'm digging into the sources, the more issues I'm finding with this category. Final update: after extensive revision (see below), all issues have been addressed.
	2c. it contains no original research.	may contain OR - if it exists, it is related to issue from 2b. Update: issue resolved through review process.
	2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.	Small issues with text insufficiently paraphrased. Resolved as part of review.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.	This article's greatest strength. It is comprehensive in its coverage.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).	The article summarizes, with appropriate weight, all parts of his reign.
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.	A content dispute with the nominator and another editor occurred over this article's neutrality. Will decide whether the issues raised are valid at the conclusion of the review. It appears at first glance that most of the issues were eliminated by the nominator after the issues were raised. Update: A few minor suspect sentences or phrases were resolved as part of the review.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.	I'm concerned by the presence of a content dispute for this article while it was nominated but before it was reviewed (see 4). The disputing editor has not made any new edits to the article in a few months, so I won't hold it against this article's promotion.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.	All images have a tagged copyright status. Attribution is accurate, as far as I am aware.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.	Images included directly support and reinforce the prose where placed.
	7. Overall assessment.	Thanks for your timely responses to this review and all the work you have done on this article.

Lead

• • "The ruler of Dubai, Sheikh Mohammed Al-Maktoum, is married to Abdullah's half-sister Princess Haya." Is this important enough to be included in the lead? It's not really about Abdullah II directly. Stedil (talk) 23:02, 2 January 2018 (UTC)

Early Life

• • "Abdullah was born on 30 January 1962 in Amman, to King Hussein during Hussein's marriage to his British-born second wife, Princess Muna Al-Hussein." The BBC source only says 1962; it doesn't say the specific day, or the location. It mentions the second wife is British-born, but refers to her by her European name. Is there a source that provides the missing information here?
  • "He is the namesake of his great-grandfather, Abdullah I, who founded modern Jordan." His official profile, the source cited here, doesn't say anything about his great grandfather. This source should be replaced.
  • "The Hashemites ruled Mecca for over 700 years—until the House of Saud conquered Mecca in 1925—and have ruled Jordan since 1921." This is historical information. Is there a more scholarly cite than CNN that can be used for this information? I mention this because there are some inconsistencies in the CNN story - while the war ended in 1925, I've seen other sources say that the Battle of Mecca was in 1924. The CNN source also lists the beginning of the Hashemite rule of Jordan as 1920, not 1921. "Over 700 years" Is non-specific. Is more precise dating available?
  • "The Hashemites, the oldest ruling dynasty in the Muslim world, are the second-oldest-ruling dynasty in the world (after the Imperial House of Japan)." I have serious doubts about the credibility of the source of this information. What are the parameters they are using to determine "second-oldest ruling dynasty in the world?" An obvious counter-example of a royal family that's been ruling longer is the Monarchy of the United Kingdom. I'm also skeptical of an organization who claims they can rank the most "influential" Muslims. Again, what are the criteria? What authority do they have in making this determination? The organization is also based in Jordan, so bias is also possible.
  • "Since Hussein had a daughter from his first marriage, Abdullah (as his eldest son) became heir apparent to the Jordanian throne under the 1952 constitution." The BBC source says nothing about a daughter from the first marriage, and also says nothing about the 1952 constitution.
  • "including a number of assassination attempts" While I don't have access to that particular version of Britannica, the Online Version doesn't mention anything about assassination attempts.

Update - I found the 2010 print Brittanica at a local library. The wording is very similar to the online version, with no mention of assassination attempts. Either provide another source for the assassination attempt section, or delete. Stedil (talk) 20:09, 3 January 2018 (UTC)

• • "Three more children followed Abdullah from Hussein's marriage to Princess Muna, two from the king's third marriage and four from his fourth. Abdullah has four brothers and six sisters—Princess Alia, Prince Faisal, Princess Aisha, Princess Zein, Princess Haya, Prince Ali, Prince Hamza, Prince Hashem, Princess Iman, Princess Raiyah—seven of whom are half-siblings." The source lists the sons and daughters of the last wife, as well as the names for all, but it doesn't specifically say which sons/daughters were born to which of the first three wives. Stedil (talk) 03:08, 3 January 2018 (UTC)

Military Career

• • This section relies too heavily on information from Abdullah's personal webpage. While WP:PRIMARY and WP:BLPSELFPUB say that such information may be used, it cautions about basing entire passages on this information. Would it be possible to add additional, secondary sources to this section to verify the accuracy of the primary source? This section also needs to be rewritten in places, as the language too closely mirrors what is used in the personal webpage. Stedil (talk) 17:38, 3 January 2018 (UTC)
  • "served a year in Britain and West Germany as a troop commander in the 13th/18th Royal Hussars" this information is not in the source cited (Britannica). Stedil (talk) 20:13, 3 January 2018 (UTC)

Accession and Coronation

• • In the first and second paragraphs, statements from the sources are lifted almost verbatim. per WP:YTCOPYRIGHT, rephrase and put in your own words without changing the essential meaning of the text.
  • Example of the above problem in the second paragraph - Source reads, "Hussein publicly criticized Hassan's management of Jordanian affairs and accused him of abusing his power as regent and crown prince" Wikipedia - "he publicly criticized his brother Prince Hassan's management of Jordanian internal affairs and accused him of abusing his powers as regent and crown prince." This is not summary - it is copying. Diversifying your sources within paragraphs may help eliminate this problem (most of the first paragraph is from one source. The entire second paragraph cites one source).
  • "Hussein, a respected statesman and renowned peacemaker" this is MOS:PUFF. Rephrase.
  • Final paragraph: is this blow-by-blow account of his coronation necessary? It comes entirely from the LA times article, and is in places nearly verbatim. Perhaps this section could be trimmed to cover only the essential details.
  • "the then youngest queen in the world." This phrase isn't in the cited source. Stedil (talk) 18:47, 3 January 2018 (UTC)

First Year

• • "his government is responsible before the Parliament" The meaning of this phrase is unclear. Please clarify.

Update - Ok, I still think it was unclear. I added some additional details that I think better clarify the relationship between parliament and the king based on the sources. Stedil (talk) 02:35, 17 January 2018 (UTC)

• • Is House of Deputies or House of Representatives the more accurate title for the lower chamber? Both sources use Deputies.
  • "a legacy of the 1990 Gulf War" Was it? Economist article seems to attribute the economic problems to a desert climate and lack of natural resources, not the war. Additional citation needed if this phrase remains.
  • "The king maintained his father's moderate pro-Western policy, supporting the 1994 Israel–Jordan peace treaty, but the royal transition prompted the United States and the Arab Gulf countries to increase their aid." I don't think 'but' is appropriate here, which would imply opposition to the first idea. Possible rephrasing along the lines of, "Because the king maintained his father's moderate pro-Western policy, including his support of the 1994 Israel-Jordan peace treaty, the United States and the Arab Gulf countries increased their aid during the royal transition."
  • "the country then had a population of 4.5 million." Is this relevant? It's also not in the source.

Update, per comment below - It's still unclear from reading this passage how the number of people in the country is connected to him going undercover. Consider rephrasing. Stedil (talk) 00:41, 6 January 2018 (UTC)

• • "The king exiled four Hamas officials to Qatar and barred 20 from political activity, closing their offices in Amman." If I'm reading the source correctly, it says that he pardoned (released the criminal charges against) 20 officials, but barred all Hamas members from political activity.
  • "The peace talks collapsed into a violent Palestinian uprising, the Second Intifada, in September 2000." This information is not in the cited source (written in 1999).
  • "Abdullah reportedly spearheaded efforts to defuse political violence to his west." This sentence is confusing. What is meant by "to his west?" Why is it "reportedly?" Does another source have more specific information about his "efforts?" Stedil (talk) 00:30, 5 January 2018 (UTC)

Update, per comment below - Ok, I still think it was a little vague, so I did some sentence restructuring. It should be clearer now that the "efforts to defuse the political violence" is connected to the sentences earlier related to the Intifada in Israel. Stedil (talk) 00:58, 6 January 2018 (UTC)

2000s

• • First two sentences: in the autobio source, specify the page numbers where this information can be found.
  • "During the 1990 Gulf War, King Hussein's impartiality was seen as siding with Saddam Hussein, which alienated Jordan from its Arab Gulf allies and the Western world" King Hussein's impartiality was seen as The NYT source contradicts that statement. It says he "leaned toward" Saddam, giving examples of positive statements King Hussein made about Saddam, including describing him as "a friend." The NYT is also vague about how he was alienated, though I think by "personally shunned" the source just means the United States, or possibly other Western countries. I don't see any evidence that Jordan was alienated from "its Arab Gulf allies" in the article.
  • "his stance precipitated an economic crisis triggered by the suspension of foreign aid and investment to Jordan" This information is not in the cited source. The source doesn't say much of anything about the first Gulf War.
  • "criticized by the Islamist opposition groups Islamic Action Front (the largest such group in the country) and the political arm of the Muslim Brotherhood" If my reading of the source is correct, the Islamic Action Front is the political arm of the Muslim Brotherhood. The Wiki sentence seems to suggest differently. Rephrase.
  • "Al-Qaeda in Iraq founder Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi claimed responsibility for a terrorist attack in Amman on 9 November 2005." NYT source said no one had claimed responsibility, though Zarqawi was the lead suspect (as of the morning after).
  • "deadliest attack in Jordan's history" not directly stated in the NYT article.
  • "What is coming is more vicious and bitter" NYT article states that this quote comes after a foiled April 2004 bomb plot, not after the successful 2005 attack.
  • "most have returned to Iraq," not in source cited. Stedil (talk) 07:21, 6 January 2018 (UTC)

Arab Spring 2010–2014

• • First two sentences - Could you find a source that discusses these events directly? The source cited only briefly mentions Egypt and Tunisia without any context, and doesn't mention Libya and Syria at all.
  • "The decision, later revoked, triggered large-scale protests across the country." Both sources are WP:DEADREF. Fix, if possible.
  • "The regime calmed the unrest by introducing reforms, amending about one-third of the constitution and establishing the Independent Election Commission." Cited source says he formed a committee to discuss amending the constitution, not that he actually amended it. Source says nothing about an Election Commission. Source is from 2011, which is out of place in this paragraph dealing with protests in 2012. Stedil (talk) 01:40, 7 January 2018 (UTC)

Regional Turmoil

• • ABC news source ("Abdullah says Syrian leader must go") is dead. perhaps it can be web archived, or maybe the BBC has the original report of the interview on their page.
  • "About the unrest in Syria and Iraq" source only mentions Iraq. Add source about Syria.
  • "One week after Jordan joined the international coalition against ISIL" not in source. Source mentions Israel planning to "take action" if the Islamic State infiltrates Jordan, not Jordan taking this action. Additional citation needed.
  • "Thousands rallied in Jordanian cities chanting "death to ISIS" and Abdullah cut short a visit to the United States, vowing an "earth-shattering" response." Not in the cited article. Check the "related articles" to the right of the cited one (on NYT website), as at least one of them may support these or similar statements. Also: Guardian article cited further down mentions "earth shattering" quote, though not attributed specifically to Abdullah.
  • "The airstrikes' death toll reportedly included a number of high-ranking ISIL officials." not in source cited.
  • "1.4 million Syrians, according to a November 2015 census" BBC source says 635,000 refugees registered with the UN. It mentions that Jordan claims "over a million" but doesn't mention specifics, and also mentions that figure includes Syrians who lived in Jordan before the refugee crisis and other non-refugees. The 1.4 million is stated by Abdullah in the interview, but I think the BBC article partially contradicts this figure. The census article (cited lower down in the paragraph) says the total Syrian population is 1.265 million.
  • "Proportional representation is seen as the first step toward establishing parliamentary governments in which parliamentary blocs, instead of the king, choose the prime minister" not in source cited. Stedil (talk) 02:44, 8 January 2018 (UTC)

Economic and Political Reforms

• • "providing the foundation for the Aqaba Special Economic Zone Authority and Jordan's flourishing information and communications technology (ICT) sector." Not in the cited source.
  • "Abdullah set up five other special economic zones: Irbid, Ajloun, Mafraq, Ma'an and the Dead Sea" not in source.
  • "between 2004 and 2008" Not supported by source, which is an IMF report from 2006.
  • "continued to increase" this is vague. What time frame is being referenced for this sentence? Source lists data from 1996-2004, and it appears from the tables that foreign investment did not consistently increase during this time frame. In fact, if I'm reading the chart correctly, foreign investment was lower in 2004 than it was in 1997, though there was a spike in investment in between those years (2000 and 2001).
  • "Under the agreement, Jordanian exports to the United States increased by about twenty times from 2000 to 2012" Source is from 2001. It does include the amount of exports from 2000, but of course contains nothing about export numbers in 2012.
  • "according to a 2015 study" source cited is from 2014.
  • "Jordan was dependent on subsidized Iraqi oil for its energy." When was it dependent? The cited article talks about Jordan being reliant on foreign aid and energy subsidies, though it says the countries Jordan relies the most on are the U.S and Saudi Arabia. It mentions collapsed trade with Iraq, but not subsidized oil or energy.
  • "begin importing gas from Egypt in 2006" Source doesn't say when energy imports from Egypt began. Source references energy usage back to 2009.
  • "forcing Jordan to import expensive Saudi Arabian diesel to generate electricity and straining the country's finances" This statement is not supported by the source. The source doesn't mention anything about Jordan being "forced" to do anything. The article says nothing about "expensive Saudi Arabian diesel," only that Jordan receives foreign aid from the Saudis. There is no causal link in the article drawn between Saudi aid/subsidies and "straining the country's finances."
  • "tourist arrivals have fallen by over 60 percent since 2011" Be more specific in the time frame. From when to when? Article cited is from 2011 and is a dead link.
  • "$35.1 billion, 95 percent of the country's GDP" Where did these numbers come from? The source says 90 percent in 2015. Something I've noticed - The Carnegie Endowment Source provides links to other sources as it discusses this topic. Perhaps the information that is stated in the WP article can be found in the sources that the Carnegie source cites. If so, those cites should be cited instead of Carnegie. I've noticed that most of the information in the WP article that's attributed to Carnegie isn't actually explicitly stated in the Carnegie article.
  • This section is rather long. It seems like it could be split quite naturally into one section for "economic reforms" and another for "political reforms." Beginning with, "Abdullah was criticized during his early years for focusing on economic, rather than political, reform," everything that follows is political. Stedil (talk) 02:34, 14 January 2018 (UTC)

Military

• • "Due to his military background, Abdullah believes in a powerful military and has followed a "quality over quantity" policy." Not in source. I think I saw this information, including a mention of "quality over quantity," in an earlier source. Find and place here.
  • "provide an indigenous capability for the supply of scientific and technical services to the Jordanian Armed Forces" This direct quote is not in the source. Rephrase or provide source with the direct quote.
  • "The bureau was successful, and Jordan's military sector thrived" not in source, and isn't neutral. Removal recommended.
  • "many of which are presented at the biennial international Special Operations Forces Exhibition security event" not in source.
  • "$72 million worth of products" not in source.
  • Janes.com ref is dead link.
  • "Its ground forces have acquired the Challenger 1 main battle tank, far superior to the T-54/T-55 and T-72 tanks which have traditionally dominated Arab armies" Several problems here: "far superior" sounds weasily and isn't supported by the source. "traditionally dominated" - same. Furthermore, article states that the original order for these tanks was placed in 1981, many years before Abdullah's reign. How is this relevant to Abdullah? Stedil (talk) 03:02, 14 January 2018 (UTC)

Energy Sector

• • Source in the first sentence is dead.
  • "Vandalism of the Egyptian pipeline supplying Jordan strained the country's electrical company, whose debt increased substantially" This needs to be cited. I think it was cited earlier in the economic reform section, but it would be helpful if there is a source that makes the connection between the Egyptian pipeline vandalism and the 10 year economic plan.
  • "During the 2010s, Abdullah inaugurated the 117 MW Tafila Wind Farm and the 53 MW Shams Ma'an Power Plant" Not in source. This information is mentioned in other sources in this section.
  • "The kingdom has set a target of 10 percent of Jordan's electrical consumption, about 1800 MW, obtained from renewable resources by 2020" Not exactly. Source says Jordan's targeting 1800 MW by the end of 2018. The 10 percent target is by 2020. This implies that 1800 MW is not 10 percent of energy consumption. Rephrase.
  • "According to government officials, Israeli gas is the only option available" In the source, the government didn't say this. An economist outside the government said they had "limited options," but the government itself didn't say this. Actually, the government statement seems to imply the opposite, mentioning that the Israeli gas is part of efforts to diversify Jordan's sources of energy.
  • "saves Jordan about $5 million a day" source says 1 million. Stedil (talk) 23:31, 14 January 2018 (UTC)

Religious Affairs

• • "The Islamic religious consensus was unprecedented in contemporary times" I couldn't find support for this statement in the source.
  • "eased restrictions and allowed men of all ages to pray at Al-Aqsa for the first time in months" copied word for word from source. Rephrase.
  • The custodianship of holy sites could be a potentially contentious issue. I recommend supplying information from third-party sources about this topic as much as possible. There is too much information cited directly to the Jordanian government. More information from outside sources confirming Jordan's custodianship dating back to 1924 would be helpful. Stedil (talk) 00:31, 15 January 2018 (UTC)

Successor

• • "Hussein received the title on 2 July 2009" Source link error. Stedil (talk) 23:20, 16 January 2018 (UTC)

Personal Life

(note: skipping ahead while I have access to the print Britannica).

• • "Rania, a marketing employee at Apple Inc. in Amman, met Abdullah at a dinner organized by his sister Princess Aisha in January 1993. They were engaged two months later, and were married in June 1993." None of this information is in the cited article. Source (Britannica) only mentions the year of marriage (1993) without any other specifics. Stedil (talk) 20:25, 3 January 2018 (UTC)
  • "Abdullah has listed skydiving, motorcycling, rally racing, scuba diving, adventure films, football, and science fiction as his interests and hobbies" None of this is in the source. I know BBC profile source in "Early Life" section had some of these, but not all. The Telegraph article/video mentions a few as well. Some of these may not need to be included if they're discussed in more detail, with appropriate citation, further down in the article, or if no reliable source can be found for them.
  • "(he is not a member of the Screen Actors Guild)" no mention of this in the source.
  • Is there a better source for info on the Discovery documentary than IMDB? Its use as a reference is discouraged on WP since its content is user-generated, per WP:IMDBREF.
  • "on a Harley-Davidson in July 2010" date not specified in source. Source implies perhaps more than one trip, but is vague on details.
  • "has said that the king is the Jordan national football team's biggest fan; Abdullah was the association's former president until he became king" not in the cited source. Source only says that his brother is the current head.
  • "Abdullah also enjoys stand-up comedy." source link error.
  • "38 military helicopters" number of helicopters not specified in source.Stedil (talk) 00:17, 17 January 2018 (UTC)

Follow up

@Stedil: I double starred all the issues I addressed.

• As for the Hashemites ruling Jordan since which year, the rule started at the end of 1920 and beginning of 1921, so you will find multiple conflicting sources most of which point towards 1921..
• The Muslim 500 is a widely respected publication.[1] However, I have removed the second oldest ruling dynasty in the world claim as I didn't find any other sources supporting it.
• I am removing info that doesn't seem to be mentioned in any source, even if true..
• The military career section was paraphrased several times, this is probably the best possible version. Makeandtoss (talk) 22:22, 3 January 2018 (UTC)

@Makeandtoss:Ok, good work so far. Thanks for clarifying about the Muslim 500. Stedil (talk) 22:56, 4 January 2018 (UTC)

@Stedil:

• The appointed government is responsible before the elected parliament.. This is just to clarify that Jordan is not an absolute monarchy.
• The official English translation is House of Representatives representatives.jo/en
• Its important to note the 4.5 million population, to point out to Jordan's limited potential when he assumed the throne, and since the population later doubled in the first 20 years of his reign.
• To the west of Jordan.. No I didn't find any source that had detailed information about his diplomatic intervention. Makeandtoss (talk) 10:50, 5 January 2018 (UTC)

• @Stedil: The autobiography does not have page numberings, but the content can be verified by searching "Greek islands".
• There are no sources directly claiming Iraqi refugees have returned, so I referenced instead 2015 census that shows so. Makeandtoss (talk) 11:08, 6 January 2018 (UTC)

@Stedil: Jordan claims 1.4 million registered and unregistered Syrians, while UN says 600,000 are registered. Most sources just say "over a million" as compromise. Makeandtoss (talk) 19:44, 8 January 2018 (UTC)

@Makeandtoss: Heads up: I'm going to be very busy with work for the next few days. I'll do the next section on Saturday. Stedil (talk) 01:56, 9 January 2018 (UTC)

@Stedil: Addressed the issues. Makeandtoss (talk) 11:19, 14 January 2018 (UTC)

@Stedil: There aren't much sources discussing the custodianship. This source cuts off exactly where it begins to discuss it. Check if you can access p.138? Makeandtoss (talk) 17:30, 15 January 2018 (UTC)

@Makeandtoss: Hmmm...I did my own research here and the evidence of the connection between Hussein bin Ali and the holy sites is scant. The source above shows that Abdullah I claimed custodianship, but not that it was granted by the British Mandate. Sources I could find say that the Islamic holy sites were administered by the Supreme Muslim Council, which was controlled by local Arab groups, not the Jordanian government See here. This article here by the Times of Israel has the most complete history I could find, and says that Hussein bin Ali was appointed by the council. I would rewrite this section based on these three sources instead of the government. For future work (particularly if you have ambitions for Featured Article), I would look into getting access to print books for the sections of the WP article that discuss historical context. Stedil (talk) 20:59, 15 January 2018 (UTC)

@Stedil: Interesting. Particularly the $1 billion part.. I wonder why the reporting is so scant. Sure go ahead. Makeandtoss (talk) 22:11, 15 January 2018 (UTC)

@Makeandtoss: Ok, the initial review is complete. Now, I'm going to check to make sure all the review points were satisfactorily addressed. I'll put "update" next to any review points if I have additional thoughts on a topic. Stedil (talk) 01:44, 17 January 2018 (UTC)

@Stedil: Okay, I did the rest. Makeandtoss (talk) 09:09, 17 January 2018 (UTC)