Talk:Alcohol advertising on college campuses

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Encouragement

Latest comment: 12 years ago3 comments2 people in discussion

Hey! So far your article is coming along really well! Some advice for you when it comes to adding more to your article could be you could use examples from movies, commercials or shows that show advertisers and writers pushing the ideas and inflence on college students as well so you have more examples instead of just statistics. Even in shows on channels like ABC Family advertise the idea of young kids drinking and going to a party to get drunk which influences even younger viewers to drink. Another idea for college drinking could be the idea of football and tailgating and how drinking is the main aspect of college students coming together. I hope this helped a little bit! So far it looks great and can't wait to see more! Daniellecomm375 (talk) 19:21, 30 October 2011 (UTC)Reply

You’re page is very interesting and definitely has a lot of good information for a wikipedia! I think maybe you should try using other words to make it sound like less of an essay and more factual, getting rid of words like “According to”, “Therefore” and “Futhermore”. By removing those words your article will sound a lot more factual and less of an essay. I really like the amount of surveys and sources you have that back up your points--you have a lot of great information that backs up your topic maybe just work on organizing the information into sub topics. GirlWithTheMostCake (talk) 03:31, 31 October 2011 (UTC)Reply

Hey! Your article has come a long way since the last time that I looked at it. I think the way in which you broke down your topic was very interesting and I liked how you personalized it by writing about alums and homecoming weekends because as college students we can easily relate to this topic. I'm sure you're not finished and I am seeing your article in the process of being finished so I'm sure you already know that for your conclusion it should be a bit longer and come out very strong to make your ending point. I also noticed at the top of your article that there's a banner saying that its more of a personal article so in ways to fix that maybe there could be more facts and points from sources so it isnt only your opinions being mentioned. Other than that I think it is coming along great. keep up the good work! Daniellecomm375 (talk) 02:43, 28 November 2011 (UTC)Reply

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