Talk:Alex Parrish/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Numerounovedant (talk · contribs) 16:51, 29 July 2017 (UTC)

I'll put up comments soon. NumerounovedantTalk 16:51, 29 July 2017 (UTC)

Prose

• You could avoid repetiton of American in the opening paragraph.
• Same with FBI, I believe the the "FBI recruit" can simply be "recruit" as the mention of the "FBI Academy" makes it obvious.
• "U.S intelligence"
• I prefer "on and off relationship" as it is lest colloquial.
• "as a completely white character" - completely seems to be an odd choice of words.
• Not sure what a "talent holding deal" is.
• "For her performance as Parrish" - odd phrasing, also, be consistent with use of "Alex" or "Parish" in the article.

Looking at the rest. NumerounovedantTalk 16:47, 3 August 2017 (UTC)

• @Numerounovedant: Done.Krish | Talk 20:48, 4 August 2017 (UTC)

• The article could do without use a lot of trimming, as it has a lot of the lengthy direct quotes, in the production section in particular. NumerounovedantTalk 17:32, 16 August 2017 (UTC)

• Removed few long quotes and trimmed others.Krish | Talk 02:27, 18 August 2017 (UTC)

Some other concerns :

• "talent holding deal" - not sure what this means.
• "Apart from being the lead in an American series and working in Hollywood" - rather unnecessary.
• "Having never auditioned in Bollywood" - same.
• "that ABC was doing for the 2015–2016 television season" - doing a script?
• "the show became all about her" - sound encyclopedia like at all?
• "as a flawed human being who takes charge of her own life" - same.
• "becoming the lead character" - repetitive.
• "Alex is the focal point and the protagonist of the series" - I think the reader gets it by now.
• For the reception section you might want to restructure the paragraphs, each of which could begin with a one line summary of what it talk about.

• @Numerounovedant: Done.Krish | Talk 02:19, 18 August 2017 (UTC)

I an sorry it took me s long, but this was the first thing I looked at on coming back. There are some obvious neutrality concerns, I hope you re-read it and make necessary changes to make it read more in a more encyclopedia-like fashion. Ping me if you have questions, but you want to go through te article once more. I will re-read once you're done addressing my comments. NumerounovedantTalk 17:32, 16 August 2017 (UTC)

• @Numerounovedant: You can take a look now.Krish | Talk 02:19, 18 August 2017 (UTC)

Final Comments

The article needs some cleanup and formatting fixes, but I'll take care of that. Other than that, it looks fine to me. Good job Krish!. It's a Pass. NumerounovedantTalk 10:43, 20 August 2017 (UTC)