Talk:Alexander Onassis/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 09:04, 14 November 2014 (UTC)

Infobox

• "New York City, United States" → "New York City, New York, United States"
• No need to list step-relatives here
• parents should have their own field
• It might be worth adding cause of death

Lead

• Needs work. It currently doesn't fully summarize the article per WP:LEAD. For example, there is no mention that he was Jacqueline Kennedy's stepson. Why is his niece mentioned here but nowhere else in the article?
• "The eldest child"..... not really needed, just say he was the son of Aristotle and Athina.

Early life

• When mentioning he is the elder child, it would help to introduce his sister in this section
• "(1906-1975)" → "(1906–1975)" per WP:DASH
• same for "(1929-1974)"
• "Aged five, Onassis pressed the button that launched the Tina Onassis, one of his father's largest oil tankers in 1953"..... this seems to be thrown in out of nowhere without any context or connection to other text
• "In the mid 1960s" should have a comma after "1960s"
• Per WP:SURNAME, an article's subject should generally be referred to by last name after first mention unless ambiguous
• Per WP:OVERCITE, a citation should only be used once in a row per paragraph, so FN4 should only be used at the end of the second paragraph

Family tensions

• "which had seemed a possibility during the waning"..... seemed possible towards the end
• "Onassis and his sister did warm to her children, Caroline and John"..... John Jr., and I'm not sure if "warm to" is the best term

Relationships

• I don't see the need for an image of his father in this instance
• "He also disapproved of his secret relationship with Fiona Thyssen"..... make it more clear for readers that it was Alexander and not Aristotle that had a relationship with Thyssenn.
• "Following the dinner party Onassis and Thyssen"..... add a comma after "party"

Death

• "In the late 1960s Onassis was put in charge of Olympic Aviation"..... try to include a specific year, and include a comma after said year
• "Onassis died on January 23, 1973 at the age of 24"..... add a comma after "1973" per MOS:DATE
• No need to mention Donald McCusker's nationality
• "Alexander stood no chance"..... had no chance

Notes

• FN8 gives a HARVref error that needs to be addressed

References

• Fix the HARVref errors for Nemesis: The True Story by Peter Evans and American Legacy: The Story of John and Caroline Kennedy by C. David Heymann

Overall

• Well-written?: Needs rewriting and doesn't meet MoS
• Verifiable?: A few reference errors
• Broad in coverage?: While not as long as many biographies at GAN, this seems to address all major aspects
• Neutral?: Nothing of concern
• Stable?: All good
• Illustrated, if possible, by images?: All licensing is OK, but the only pictures needed in this case would be of Alexander himself.
• Pass or Fail?: Failing for now, prose needs attention. Could help taking this to the WP:GOCE