Talk:Alice in Borderland (TV series)/GA1
Latest comment: 3 years ago by The Rambling Man in topic GA Review
GA Review
editThe following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 19:42, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
Comments
- Lead is a little brief, and I always aim to have no references there to ensure that everything in the lead is mentioned in the article, expanded upon and referenced there instead.
- "science fiction suspense-thriller drama streaming television " this is a WP:SEAOFBLUE.
- "lost in an abandoned Tokyo alongside" well he's not lost, he's just in Tokyo when everyone else bar a few people have "disappeared".
- "in a city in which they are forced to participate " -> "in a city where they are forced to participate " (to avoid three "in" in quick succession).
Done Removed. Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 16:18, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
- There's no real introduction in the main body to the premise of the show.
- Why are there two "main" characters, one of which is not mentioned at all in the lead, while two recurring characters are mentioned in the lead?
- Done Removed. Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 16:18, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
- " in games of Hearts," etc. this makes no sense to readers until you explain what that means.
- Done Removed. Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 16:18, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
- "was transported into the empty city" how?
- I mean, I don't think the show ever explained how they "arrived" in the empty city of Tokyo, and a character only mentioned that the only logical explanation was that they were "transported" as seen in the opening scene. Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 16:18, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
- "who's in a cult" avoid contractions.
- "transported into the empty city" again, how did these people get "transported"? Didn't they just "come round" and find the city almost completely empty? Like the main characters were in a public toilet in the station when everyone disappeared, they didn't get "transported" anywhere did they?
- As I mentioned above, the characters arriving into the empty city was never explained, and it was mentioned that they could have potentially arrived in a controlled parallel universe after being "transported" there. Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 16:18, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
- " to steal Hatter's deck of cards" you haven't even mentioned who Hatter is.
- Link terms like katana.
- a "dealer". - what does that mean in the context of this show?
- Done Add a description. Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 16:18, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
- "extend their visas" we haven't even been told how they win visas or what they're for.
- Done Mentioned in the lead. Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 16:18, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
- I think expanding the lead to cover the basic concepts of cards, suits, visas and a few more main characters will really help with understanding the rest of the article.
- "Hiding in a bathroom" in the station.
Not done The plot for episode one is already 200 words per MOS:TVPLOT. Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 16:18, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
- "they won't be" avoid contractions.
- " and kills them once expired" the visas don't kill them, lasers (or something) from the sky (or somewhere) kills them.
- Done Reworded. Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 16:18, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
- "there's no" no contractions.
- Done Reworded. Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 16:18, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
- No need to link common terms like diesel.
- Done Removed links. Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 16:18, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
- " that it's" contraction...
- Not done The plot for that episode is already 200 words per MOS:TVPLOT. Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 16:18, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
- " film".[12][1][13]" order.
- Music "Overview" section is unreferenced.
- "On October 28..." maybe "Four days later..." (to avoid a third consecutive sentence start with "On date".
- " the original manga the series is based on, announced" overlinked.
- "of Kento Yamazaki and Tao Tsuchiya, " overlinked.
- "that "Few of " sentence case.
- Avoid SHOUTING in the ref titles.
- Ref 21 has two spaced hyphens, should be en-dashes per MOS:DASH.
- Aren't there any television series-specific categories that can be added here?
- Done Added 6 categories. Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 16:18, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
That's it for a first run, I'll need to take a closer look at the episode synopses next pass but my main concern is the lack of explanation of the basic principles of the show before you start talking about them like we already know what they mean. So on hold for now. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 12:19, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
- Please do not use contractions. MOS:PLOT is not a rigid policy, it will allow for an extra few characters. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 11:25, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
- @The Rambling Man: I think I fixed it, so thanks for the suggestions! Some Dude From North Carolina (talk) 14:47, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
- Please do not use contractions. MOS:PLOT is not a rigid policy, it will allow for an extra few characters. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 11:25, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
Ok, cool, it makes more sense now and is written well enough as far as I'm concerned. Passing to GA. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 19:27, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.