Talk:Alto's Odyssey/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 01:17, 25 April 2023 (UTC)

I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 01:17, 25 April 2023 (UTC)

Earwig finds no issues.

• Both the images need the {{fur}} templates filled out more completely -- there are some "n.a."s in the current FURs.
• What's the reason to include the gameplay screenshot? The FUR currently says "I want to show the new dynamic weather system present in Alto's Odyssey" but to a reader like me who knows nothing about the game it's just an image of a balloon on a hillside. A fair use image has to enhance the reader's understanding per WP:NFCC.
• What makes file770.com a reliable source? As far as I can see this is Mike Glyer's fanzine.
• The lead is too short. It's a short article, so we don't need a long lead, but there's room for two or three more sentences about the gameplay, development and reception.
• "Alto's Odyssey keeps the same basic gameplay of the original, being a side-scrolling endless runner based around snowboarding (now sandboarding).". I think "being" isn't a very fluent way to introduce the gameplay description, and then it's not ideal to have the new mechanic (snowboarding) introduced inside a parenthesis. And we haven't explicitly said it's a sequel to Alto's Adventure yet, except in the lead; we should say that in the body too. How about "Alto's Odyssey is a sequel to Alto's Adventure and has the same basic gameplay as the original game: both are side-scrolling endless runners. Alto's Odyssey is based around sandboarding, instead of snowboarding as in the original."?

  One more suggested tweak: how about changing "At its core the game remains a side-scrolling endless runner based around snowboarding. With the change to the desert setting, the player character now sandboards instead." to "At its core the game remains a side-scrolling endless runner, in which the player character now sandboards through a desert setting, instead of snowboarding as in the original game."? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:52, 27 April 2023 (UTC)

• "The sequel is set in a desert which features three "biomes" you can unlock that each focus on different mechanics." Avoid second-person pronouns in gameplay; see the video game MoS.
• The first paragraph of the gameplay is unsourced, as is a sentence at the end of the third paragraph. This seems to say secondary sources are required -- I think I've seen video games with gameplay cited only to the game itself, though. I can ask at the VG Wikiproject if you don't know.

  Still one uncited sentence. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:52, 27 April 2023 (UTC)

• "Another biome is the canyons, which highlights the new wall riding mechanic, allowing the player to climb up the side of canyon walls by holding down on the screen": either "canyons, which highlight" or "canyon, which highlights", whichever is correct. And "highlights" isn't right -- the biome allows (or requires) the use of the mechanic, or perhaps introduces it, but to highlight it would mean to place focus on it.
• Same subject/verb number agreement problem in the next sentence: "temples, which has".
• "The game adds new features, such as wall-riding ...": We've already mentioned wall-riding so perhaps "In addition to wall-riding, new features include ..."
• There's an unsourced sentence at the start of the "Reception" section.
• "The game was released on February 21, 2018, a day earlier than the date shown in the trailer." This is cited to the trailer, which can't be used to cite the actual release date since it predates it.

  You've added a new source, but it still predates the actual release so can't be used to say it did happen, only that it was planned for that date. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:10, 27 April 2023 (UTC)

• "Wall-riding and balloon bouncing were added in order to add": can we avoid the repetition of "add"?

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 12:02, 26 April 2023 (UTC)

Okay, finished all of the above. I also reworked the first paragraph of the gameplay section, so you might want to double check in case something sounds a bit off. FlyingKangeroo (talk) 07:26, 27 April 2023 (UTC)

A couple of issues left above. I'll do spotchecks next. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:52, 27 April 2023 (UTC)

Spotchecks -- footnote numbers refer to this version:

• FN 15 cites "A version for Apple Arcade with an additional city area was released on July 16, 2021, under the title, Alto’s Odyssey: The Lost City." Verified except for the date -- this needs to say "announced for" or some similar language, as the source predates the release date.
• FN 2 cites "Code from the original game was used in Odyssey, but was significantly modified." Verified.
• FN 12 cites "On June 4 of that year, the game was awarded with an Apple Design Award for Outstanding Design and Innovation." This is a dead link; this is a link to an archived version, but it only says it won an award, not what the category was, so you may need another source for that. I don't regard this as a failed verification though since I would think the original link did verify this.
• FN 21 cites "Pocket Gamer thought that Alto's Odyssey's visuals improved over its predecessor, remarking "Alto’s Odyssey manages to one-up Adventure in terms of creating a gorgeous atmosphere". However, the outlet criticized the game for sticking too close to the first game, making the game feel familiar." Verified.

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:10, 27 April 2023 (UTC)

Made those changes. For the Apple Design Award one, I changed that to be general as its apparently a collection of ten games and apps chosen each year, not really a specific award. FlyingKangeroo (talk) 22:23, 28 April 2023 (UTC)

I went back through and there are three outstanding points:

• The lead is too short.
• There's an uncited sentence in the gameplay section.
• I don't think builtbysnowman.medium.com is a reliable source; medium.com seems to be a blogging platform. You're using it for the release date on Apple Arcade; I think you might have to do what you did for the iOS release date and just give the announced planned date.

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) Fixed the sourcing issues. I expanded the middle section in the lead a bit, which I think gives more context to what the game actually is.FlyingKangeroo (talk) 22:42, 29 April 2023 (UTC)

I think the lead is still a bit shorter than it could be, but since it's such a short article I'm going to go ahead and pass this now as the other issues are fixed. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 01:58, 30 April 2023 (UTC)

Thanks for doing the review! FlyingKangeroo (talk) 17:14, 30 April 2023 (UTC)