Talk:Amanda Seyfried/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 08:12, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

General

• Checklinks shows nothing concerning- all external links working
• All images are appropriately captioned and licensed. No problems there.
• It would probably benefit from a copyedit to improve the grammar and the flow of the prose

Specific

• I'd suggest, but you're free to ignore me, removing the "career" heading and changing the 2 level 3 headings to level 2 headings rather than splitting the section up.
• I'd suggest changing "...started her career as a child model at age eleven" to something like "began her acting career at the age of eleven"- it's redundant to call her a child model since that's implied by here age.

 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 08:49, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

• "Allentown, Pennsylvania" should be linked

 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 08:49, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

• Can you find a way of incorporating "(where she lived at the time)" into prose rather than having it in parentheses?

 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 08:49, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

• "Seyfried's modeling career ended when she was seventeen"- how? Why?

I have not found any sources with reasons/explanation(s) to why her modeling career ended. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 08:53, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

• Careful with the overlinking- common terms (like "film producer", for example) should not be linked

 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 08:49, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

• Lohan should be given her full name and linked for the first mention

 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 08:49, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

• "Marks" (end of the third paragraph in "early work") should be in the past tense

 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 08:50, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

I've only got as far as the bottom of "early work" but I'm not seeing any major issues so far. the article seems to be of very good quality and there are no significant hurdles to GA status. I'll be back later (could be a day or so) to give you some more feedback but I should be able to answer any queries if needed. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 08:37, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

A little more

I've got to the bottom now.Apologies if it looks like I'm nit-picking (I'm not, honest!) but there are a few minor issues that could be addressed though nothing fundamental so it shouldn't take too long to rectify them:

• The first two sentences of "career success" appear to repeat themselves- they should be ironed out to remove the redundancy

 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 23:51, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

• "is set to be premiered on January 10, 2010" should be updated

 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 23:51, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

• Is there any more information on her role in Solstice?

I have not been able to find reliable sources on information about the film and Rotten Tomatoes does not have any info of the films critical reception and Box Office MoJo does not have any info of the films box office revenue. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 00:13, 6 March 2010 (UTC)

• The description of Mama Mia! needs to be reworked- assume your reader has never seen the film

 Fixed Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 00:20, 6 March 2010 (UTC)

• I'm guessing "alongside her boyfriend Cooper" means Dominic Cooper? For the first mention, he should have his full name and a link

 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 00:16, 6 March 2010 (UTC)

• The article mentions "disappointing" box office performance- are there any statistics to back that up?

 Fixed Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 23:53, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

• Similarly, can you find any reviews that discuss Seyfried's performance?

 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 00:39, 6 March 2010 (UTC)

• Marmaduke and Dear John seem to be the wrong way around- the article should be chronological unless there;s a good reason to do it another way

 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 23:51, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

• Terms like "summer of 2009" should be specified per MOS:DATES

The source I provided in the article does not specify the month; would it be better if I removed the filming time period altogether? Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 23:51, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

• Song titles should be in "quote marks"

 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 23:51, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

• United Kingdom is not an adjective so should be piped to "British", which is

 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 23:56, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

The prose could do with some work- a lot of sentences start with "the film" and "in the film". It would be good if you could vary the sentence structure a little to make it more engaging to read but I'll give it a copyedit if you want.Any questions, I'll be around so feel free to drop me a line. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 22:36, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

• OK, I've given it a copyedit and I'm happy to promote this. If you're looking to take it further (towards FA status) it'll need more copyediting- I'm happy that it meets the GA requirements for quality of prose but FA status requires a "professional" level and you'll need more and better sources- using IMDb is generally frowned upon but is useful for basic facts about roles/films etc. Other than that, I'd say this is a very nice piece of work. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 06:51, 6 March 2010 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.