Talk:An End to al-Qaeda/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 13:11, 11 February 2018 (UTC)

I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 13:11, 11 February 2018 (UTC)

• The "Further reading" section uses Harvard anchors, but the citations are not set up to point to them; this is not really a references section, rather a list of books by Nance, so use "ref=none" to disable the Harvard anchors. Are all these books relevant to this article? The Plot to Hack America appears unrelated, for example.
• The list of "See also" is very long; some of these could probably be cut. It should be limited to articles that are directly related to the topic of this article but not linked; why do we need a link to Arab Spring, for example?
• Nance criticizes the approach of the George W. Bush Administration, including the optics and verbiage used in the War on Terror: I'm not clear what's meant by "optics" in this context. Do you mean something like "the way the conduct of the War on Terror appeared to the public"?
• Nance writes the United States should do much more to engage traditional believers in Islam around the world to denounce al-Qaeda through education and a public relations campaign: Not very clear. I think you mean that the US should convince traditional believers in Islam that they should denounce al-Qaeda, and that the US should achieve this goal via education and a PR campaign.
• provides a thesis attempting to prescribe how to vanquish: much too wordy; four nested verbs here. Something like "describes how Nance believes al-Qaeda and bin Laden can be defeated" would be much clearer.
• The summary section is full of "The author explains... The author asserts... Nance writes... He suggests..." Much of this can go; the reader understands they're reading a summary.
• He asserts the Muslim people exist spiritually along a broad scope of practice: vague.
• traditional Muslim people want the same goals and aspirations for their families as the desires of U.S. citizens: needs rephrasing; the desires don't want the same goals.

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 13:25, 11 February 2018 (UTC)

Sagecandor, are you planning to work on this? If not I'll fail the article in another week. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 14:12, 18 February 2018 (UTC)

Mike Christie If you are willing to wait up to a week from now, I'll work on Sagecandor's remaining GANs. Bennv3771 (talk) 09:19, 24 February 2018 (UTC)

Bennv3771: sure. So long as work is going on, I'm happy to let the nominations stay open. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 13:11, 24 February 2018 (UTC)

@Mike Christie: - I have addressed everything but the Harvard notes. I'm not familiar with that aspect at all. Could you explain what needs to be changed, or change it yourself and provide me a diff? Argento Surfer (talk) 14:44, 1 March 2018 (UTC)

Argento Surfer I've fixed the Harvard anchors. Bennv3771 (talk) 14:59, 1 March 2018 (UTC)

I think this is just about there, though the prose is still a bit clunky in places. Promoting. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 02:05, 2 March 2018 (UTC)