Talk:Arkangel (Black Mirror)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 07:46, 13 January 2021 (UTC)

Comments

• "current vision and hearing and automatically"... maybe a comma after hearing.
• I would start the second para with the "main theme" before hitting some of the lower level details about actresses and EC pill errors.
• I have reservations over the fair use of File:Black Mirror S04E02 - ArkAngel.png. I'm not convinced this enhances the readers' understanding of the episode at all, thoughts? Maybe the tablet with the view through Sara's eyes or similar would be more likely to stand up to scrutiny in this regard? Or the "censor" effect?
  • So there's a lot of mixed feelings at WPTV to screenshots being used as fair use, whereas there seems to be (though I'm less of a regular there) overwhelming support at WPFILM for movie posters as permissible infobox images, and this poster is definitely close enough to a film poster for this to apply. I can see the pros: much easier to claim respect for commercial opportunities and wide publication on something designed with widespread republication in mind. I'd say the poster conveys some of the tone of the episode and it is described explicitly in "Marketing" so I think it's definitely fine. — Bilorv (talk) 14:28, 13 January 2021 (UTC)
• "After three-year-old Sara..." sentence feels too long, perhaps split in the mid.
• If you link "tablet computer" might be worth linking "stroke".
• "which Marie is notified of as" -> "of which Marie is notified as"
• porn->pornography
• " friend's house " is quickly repeated.
• "an Arkangel notification" what kind?
  • Ah, well I'd like to know as well. It's not shown onscreen and so anything I say is WP:OR for the article. Marie gets an alert, immediately buys the EC and puts it in Sara's smoothie the next day. I think it's implied to be a notification that Sara is pregnant, part of the misunderstanding about how contraception works, but in order to retcon the error we could say that the notification is "given she had sex X hours ago, this is your last chance for her to take EC before she could become pregnant" and that the nurse simply misspeaks. Anyway, it's clearly the cause of Marie's next action but the information it gives is unknown. — Bilorv (talk) 14:28, 13 January 2021 (UTC)
• "in how he felt protective" -> "in how protective he felt"?
  • Yeah that's much more natural. — Bilorv (talk) 14:28, 13 January 2021 (UTC)
• Apparently our article calls it "Orange Is..." not "Orange is..."
• "by Foster. Foster also" jarring.
• "n Hamilton, Ontario was " comma after Ontario.
• "more whacks were filmed" doesn't feel encyclopedic to describe those blows raining down as "whacks"!
• "fourth series of the show" I don't think "of the show" is needed (and it's USEng too!)
• "The episode has a theme of helicopter parenting; Entertainment Weekly's Darren Franich saw it as a "straightforward parable"." semi colon, how are these sentences linked?
  • You're right, not closely enough. Think a semicolon with the second clause and following sentence works though, both being about the simplicity of the message. — Bilorv (talk) 14:28, 13 January 2021 (UTC)
• I would explain RFID rather than just use the acronym.
• "briefly thinks her baby has died until Sara begins crying, which is "every parent's worst fear"." I know what you mean but this makes it sound like "until Sara starts crying" is "every parent's worst fear"...
  • Taken out the "until Sara starts crying" because it's not important to the point being made. — Bilorv (talk) 14:28, 13 January 2021 (UTC)
• " critics had criticisms" yuck
  • Oh dear, bit "haters gonna hate". Now "reviewers had criticisms". — Bilorv (talk) 14:28, 13 January 2021 (UTC)
• Ref 34 spaced hyphens -> en-dashes.

That's all I have. Thanks for giving me the chance to review and revisit the episode. I think I liked it more than the critics but agree there was so much more they could have done with it, but it would have been hard to squeeze that into a nice bite-size episode. As always, most comments are suggestions, nothing to do with GA criteria really, just aiming for excellence. On hold while you take a look. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 10:40, 13 January 2021 (UTC)

Yeah I'd agree with that. I think this one gets a bad rep because much of the Black Mirror audience is a bit younger than parent age, but I just cannot stand the ending—I'm with Bramesco on the incredulity of Sara's extreme violence. — Bilorv (talk) 14:28, 13 January 2021 (UTC)

Happy with this so promoting to GA. Well done. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 15:16, 13 January 2021 (UTC)