Talk:Arthur Blackburn/GA1

Latest comment: 5 years ago by Eddie891 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 13:42, 1 January 2019 (UTC)Reply

Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose ( ) 1b. MoS ( ) 2a. ref layout ( ) 2b. cites WP:RS ( ) 2c. no WP:OR ( ) 2d. no WP:CV ( )
3a. broadness ( ) 3b. focus ( ) 4. neutral ( ) 5. stable ( ) 6a. free or tagged images ( ) 6b. pics relevant ( )
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked   are unassessed

Sources

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  • If there's a way to add ISSN's to the gazette articles, that would be useful, but won't hold up promotion
  • I note that Faulkner 2008 and Stauton 2005 are unused. What's the point of having them? again, won't hold up promotion.
  • Both will (probably) contain additional detail, and consulting them will be necessary to meet the comprehensiveness criteria when this gets to FAC. I generally add such sources early on as a reminder to consult them before a FAC nom (often before Milhist ACR actually). I don't think they need to be consulted for GAN purposes though. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 23:28, 1 January 2019 (UTC)Reply

Prose

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  • I've lightly copyedited, feel free to revert or change anything back
  • Blackburn enlisted in the Australian Imperial Force in August 1914 maybe add a mention of what war it is here, like Upon the outbreak of World War I...
  • Why would an army officer be made coroner?
  • They entered camp at Mena maybe say "The Australian Military Camp at Mena" and link to Mena House (per this) so the reader know where it is.
  • in the shadow of the Great Pyramid of Giza on the following day,: Is that the best way to say it? Shadow seems very non wikipedia-esque.
  • The 3rd Brigade had been chosen as the covering force why not "The 3rd Brigade was chosen as the covering force" unless this leads into something?
  • Might be my American-ness slipping in, and feel free to revert, but I removed a few 'the's, 'that's, and 'was's that read as unnecessary or repetitive
  • Sydney is dup-linked in the body
  • Blackburn, as the senior Allied officer present, accepted the surrender of Damascus on 21 June. seems to be directly lifted from here and should be rephrased.
  • There seems to be inconsistency between "Gallipoli Campaign" and "Gallipoli campaign". I changed instances to a capital C per the page title, but I really cannot tell which is correct.
  • Blackburn went on leave in France from 29 April to 7 May,[18] and the battalion was committed to fighting on the Western Front in June not sure how these are related.
  • About 05:30, a am or pm? (or, if going for 24 hour time, convert the earlier time to that (began rowing ashore at about 4:30 am))

Thanks for the review so far. I think I've addressed all the above. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 00:01, 2 January 2019 (UTC)Reply

  • Doesn't the VC citation say "Sargeant" not "Serjeant"? per this...
  • Did he make it back into service before being discharged? If so, add mention. If not, it's fine as is.
  • On 6 April 1918 maybe say "In early 1918...and was elected on 6 April 1918" because as is it gives the impression that he only ran on 6 April 1918 (might just be my American english though...).
  • he was elected president of the: later you say state president...
  • was also downplayed with the Vichy Forces maybe say "was also downplayed as the Vichy Forces" because downplaying wouldn't make the opposing forces have stronger force?
  • SS Orcades, minus its machine guns and vehicles, and less one company I personally think that "SS Orcades, with one less company and no machine guns or vehicles" would read better, but its personal preference. Also this sentence could use a mention of where they went
  • Shouldn't it be "Luitenant-generaal Hein ter Poorten"?
  • Done.

Categories

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Overview

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  • I just wanted to say how much of a genuine pleasure it has been for me to read over and review this article, to the point that I had to pull out my magnifying glass and really pick apart the article to find any faults. Keep up the great work! I'd be greatly indebted if you could take a look at my first ever A-class nomination, but by no means do not feel like you have to. Eddie891 Talk Work 00:17, 3 January 2019 (UTC)Reply