Talk:Assembly of the Poor

Expanding and Improving "Assembly of the Poor"

I nominated this article! Samewat2013 (talk) 02:32, 18 November 2011 (UTC)

Hello! I'm a Mills student working on expanding this page. Here are a few things I am looking to add.

--A deeper look at the background: who begin the assembly, where, why? Was there a preceding event that forced it to begin? Were there similar previous organizations?

--More information on representation, who is it representing? Who actually gets say? How do decisions get official?

--Political background: details on their achievements. How long did it take? What were the struggles?

--Opposition and obstacles: do they have opposing organizations or politicians? Why do they oppose them? How is this used against their progress?

--Current issues: How are things coming along? Has the recent struggles been more successful due to experience and time? Is it the same? Details on the given current issues

--Clear up the last few sentences with grammar and editing

Duthomas (talk) 02:57, 21 September 2011 (UTC)

Topics to improve "The assembly of the poor" page

Hi I'm a Mills student working along side Duci Thomas to improve this page. These are some of my ideas on how to improve this page. 1) Why was this group established? (I would like to elaborate on this) 2) What is currently going on with this organization? Any polictal power? 3) Who is in charge of this organization now? 4) How well is this organization estalbished in Thailand? Is it well-known? 5) What legislative proposals have the Assembly of the Poor come up with? What was the outcome? 6) Lastly I want to improve the format of this page. Possibly add some pictures, and work with the grammer and overall editing. Samewat2013 (talk) 20:05, 29 September 2011 (UTC)

Hi Duthomas and Samewat2013, This sounds like a very good set of topics -- maybe a bit ambitious for a semester but hopefully you will complete at least those parts that most interest you. Let me know if it becomes very difficult to find info on the topics. (Sam - don't forget to sign your entries with "~" four times) Prof M Johnson (talk) 18:38, 21 September 2011 (UTC)

So I have added some history of the Mun River Declaration in order to get into what is currently going on with the AOP. I am working on the bibliographies and will have them by later this afternoon. In the next couple weeks I plan on going into what is currently going on in the AOP and how it relates to the development of Thailand and it's people. Looking forward to making this page more interesting and more reliable for everyone. Samewat2013 (talk) 20:48, 20 October 2011 (UTC)

I am going to be editing and adding more information for clarifcation throughout the entire page, but I will be adding some new information on the history of why and how the AOP came about. Samewat2013 (talk) 02:15, 6 November 2011 (UTC)

Bibliography

Baker, Chris, 2000. Thailand's Assembly of the Poor: background, drama, reaction. 8 (1), pp. 5-29. DOI: 10.5367/000000000101297208

Missingham, Bruce, 2002. The Village of the Poor Confronts the State: A Geography of Protest in the Assembly of the Poor. Urban Studies, 39 (9), pp. 1647-1663.

McCargo, Duncan, 2002. Democracy Under Stress in Thaksin's Thailand Journal of Democracy 13 (4), pp. 112-126

Duthomas (talk) 03:38, 7 October 2011 (UTC)

It looks like you have some great plans for this article! What you've done so far looks good. If "NGOS" means non-governmental organizations, it should be written "NGOs". I look forward to seeing what you make of the article. Neelix (talk) 20:07, 14 October 2011 (UTC)

Thank you! I have changed it, thank you for pointing it out. We will soon be adding much more! Thank you for stopping by to comment and I am excited to continue working on this article with your help.

Duthomas (talk) 22:31, 18 October 2011 (UTC)

I have added quite a bit of new information. In the next couple days I am going to be researching

• why the political divisions are weakening the movement of the AOP
  • why there is a lack of unity among the poor
    • what are the outcomes of the lack of unity in paticular. What has happened to these villages and their people? Possibly focusing on the farmers who use the Pak Mun Dam for fish mirgration

Samewat2013 (talk) 03:41, 6 November 2011 (UTC)

We have now added sections to the page. Have narrowed down the Mun River Declaration that established their political platform. Noted key stratergies that caused their ability to mobilize locally and nationally. Will continue with specific political activity that has linked national and local grievances and thus resulted in helping of the poor.

Duthomas (talk) 06:10, 6 November 2011 (UTC)

Some Feedback For AOP

- In First paragraph: When you say AOP "is a non-governmental organization in Thailand. Add (NGO) after Non-governmental origination (NGO), that way you don't have to keep using the full wording and it becomes clearer what you are talking about - You should go through and take out or break up all your run on sentences Example: "During the proceedings of its establishment on December 10th, a manifesto titled, “Mun River Declaration” was created to announce the formation of the Assembly of the Poor and to critique industrial development based on the rights to, “sustainable livelihoods and political participation of local communities” then declared itself the platform in which the disadvantaged could use to voice their problems due to being poor. " - you should break this up into a couple of different sentences. It will make your meaning clearer.

- quite a bit of the wording you chose is a little confusing. Example: "In other cases, local resources are being plundered by exports." Do you mean ... the government is plundering local resources to facilitate its high demand for exports? or are private companies taking local resources for inputs needed on manufactured exports? and... " Second, they have made a political and national identity out of being “poor” and “victims" of development creating a sense of shared struggle, and eventually, shared victory, And finally, within their tactics, the recognition that said political identity must be forged through conflict and struggle."-- not sure what your trying to say here. try rewording it and breaking it up into two sentences.

- I also think you should merge the Leadership section with the historical background section. Or...go into more detail and give more content to the leadership section. -use clearer words to convey her ideas Example: "The emergence of this organization has been one of the most striking political events to happen throughout Thailand in the 1990's. "-- not quite sure what you want the word "striking to mean here" Maybe try saying...The emergence of the AOP has become one of the most important political developments in Thailand recent history--- but I am not sure if that is what you mean by "striking". - your "recent Activities" section is somewhat confusing because you discuss historical events. So I am not quite sure what you mean by "recent activities"

hope this helps... --Meighon (talk) 08:05, 12 November 2011 (UTC)

Hi: Below are my comments

--Too much information in one sentence. ‘While it is in alliance with NGOs and a political voice for villagers, the Assembly of the Poor when it first began was accused off dismantling Thailand unity and the democratic principles from Thailand ideologies that had not been altered.’ This sentence needs to be separated into at least two. The AOP is inalliance with NGOs and political voices for villagers. However, when the AOP first began, (the Thai government) accused it of dismantling the unity and democratic principles of Thailand.

--Need a clearer explanation of the AOP’s structure. Right now the information is scattered.

What time was it established? Why did it come into place? (Would the Mun River Declaration better fit in here?)

Who are those people? What are the difficulties to them in the beginning (plus example)?

A organized order would help explain things better.

--Expand the ‘Key Strategies’ section.

What happened after they employ those strategies?

What are the outcomes and achievements? Are they effective?

How do the local Thai people feel about it? How does the Thai government feel about it? These need to be more than one sentence.

Some specific examples would be helpful.

-The Mun River Declaration seems to be here and there, rather than staying in the same section. I read it in its own section but read it again in Recent Activities. Maybe consider restructuring so that there is no repetition of information.

-Too much general information that needs to be expanded. For example, 'According to the Bangkok Post the recent issues in Thailand have a lot to do with the political divisions

trying to undermine the AOP. The lack of unity among the poor poses a major obstacle in the battle to a more democratic society.'

I would want to know a fuller story.

How do the political divisions try to undermine the AOP?

What have they done?

This is a page about Assembly of the Poor, why does it tell me that the poor actually lacks unity? How did that happen? Has the AOP not doing its job? Or there are other reasons? Has the AOP contributed to Thailand’s democratization or not?

-I tried to fix a few sentences and grammar mistakes. However, there are sentences I could not fix because many of them are in passive voice with many pronouns. I do not have enough information to change them. It is important that in each sentence you show the reader very clearly who and what you are referring to. I would suggest that you change the passive voice as well.

Twang617 (talk) 22:44, 12 November 2011 (UTC)

Feedback from Prof.

Hi there. Don't be overwhelmed by the comments. We'll see how much info you are able to get. It's a tricky topic after all.

Regarding language, I agree that you should be careful with "they", "them". Make sure the reader knows who they are. Also, it's true you have a lot of passive voice. Go over your writing looking for the words "by" and you should spot the passive voice and be able to make it active.

In the first paragraph of the intro, the sentence regarding how AOP was seen in politics should be moved to the bottom of the second paragraph.

Leadership - Starts out with passive voice, can make active. Any info on other leaders? Also I think leadership should come after historical background

You probably should incorporate the Mun River Declaration Section into the history section. What you really need is some sort of link between the two. How do we get from the status of wanting to organize to the declaration?

Can you combine the strategies and activities sections? It seems like your recent activities are really strategies. Why not have a main header strategies and then subheaders for - demonstrations; discussion forums; letters of protest; legislative proposals? Then try to add more information under each one. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Prof M Johnson (talk • contribs) 04:13, 13 November 2011 (UTC)

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Assembly of the Poor/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Jezhotwells (talk · contribs) 03:35, 18 November 2011 (UTC) I shall be reviewing this article against the Good Article criteria, following its nomination for Good Article status.

Disambiguations: none found. Jezhotwells (talk) 03:38, 18 November 2011 (UTC)

Linkrot: none found. Jezhotwells (talk) 03:38, 18 November 2011 (UTC)

I aim to post a substantive review within 48 hours. Jezhotwells (talk) 03:38, 18 November 2011 (UTC)

Checking against GA criteria

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

   Prose is very poor, almost illiterate in parts. Some examples:

   While it is in alliance with NGOs and a political voice for villagers, the Assembly of the Poor when it first began was accused off dismantling Thailand unity and the democratic principles from Thailand ideologies that had not been altered.

   Among the group's co-founders was Vanida Tantiwittayapitak. She was among the student activists at Thammasat University. She fled from Bangkok to the countryside after the brutal massacre of students during a right-wing coup. She became a leader of the Pak Mun fight in the 1990s. She died of breast cancer at age 52 on December 6, 2007 This tells us almostnothing, just a list of facts.

   During the 1950's Thailand's development agenda was at the forefront of the government.

   The World Bank supported the agenda. The rapid industrialization around the world was the driving force.

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

   Large amounst of cut and past or close paraphrase from http://rsmag.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/claimsto200802.html

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

   OK, poor prose and copyright violations make this a quick fail.

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