Talk:Atari Calculator/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: Appsoft4 (talk · contribs) 21:48, 11 September 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: Jlwoodwa (talk · contribs) 15:43, 2 October 2024 (UTC)

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	Prose is often unclear and ungrammatical; see § Prose
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
2. Verifiable with no original research, as shown by a source spot-check:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
	2c. it contains no original research.
	2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
	7. Overall assessment.

Prose

The article has frequent grammatical errors. In particular, there are several instances of missing or incorrect articles. For example:

• In 1979, the screenshot should be a screenshot.
• program got product ID number CX-8102 should be the program.
• in the form of boxed diskette should be either a boxed diskette or boxed diskettes.

Examples of more general grammatical errors:

• After 1982, there was little news about the Atari Calculator, its development, and it was excluded from the listing in the next official catalogs by Atari.
• Cover design and fan art illustrations assisting the article authored by Oliver Rapp.

Some sentences have too many errors for me to figure out what they're meant to say:

In addition, two source printiouts, which included code for floating-point arithmetic handling, were scanned and uploaded the Atari Calculator cartridge specification, handwritten by Shaw, and the official prited user manual for the Atari Calculator. Savetz uploaded it all with a permission from Shaw, and the original printouts Shaw had donated to and now are storing at the Strong Museum, as well as all of the materials related to Atari, she collected during her employment period at the Atari (1978–1980).

Beyond the outright errors, many sentences are too long and roundabout to easily follow. For example:

In 1979, the screenshot of the Atari Calculator, with the title ATARI CALCULATOR COPYRIGHT 1979 in the main window, was printed in the "Touch the future." brochure on the screenshots gallery page, featuring the upcoming Atari 800 computer. The UI was colored in light bluish text on a dark blue background.

I would phrase this instead as:

In 1979, Atari printed a brochure titled "Touch the future", which featured the upcoming Atari 800 computer. The brochure had a gallery of screenshots, including one of the Atari Calculator's main window. In this screenshot, the program had the title "ATARI CALCULATOR COPYRIGHT 1979", and its UI had light bluish text on a dark blue background.

This groups related information together, and gives necessary context before going into the details. jlwoodwa (talk) 18:52, 2 October 2024 (UTC)