Talk:Australopithecus africanus/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Vaticidalprophet (talk · contribs) 02:37, 26 January 2021 (UTC)
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This is excellent work, and well on the path to GA and even FA. Most of the issues I have with the article's current state have to do with prose, but permit me to reiterate -- especially considering how long this review sat for -- that they're not in the least insurmountable issues. This is great work, and I'm sorry you got stuck at the end of the backlog.
- I'm not really planning to get to FA User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:27, 27 January 2021 (UTC)
Without further adieu:
- The first specimen, Taung child, was described by anatomist Raymond Dart in 1924, and was the first early hominin found.
My understanding is the specimen in question is generally referred to as "the Taung child", rather than just "Taung child".
- The specimen "Little Foot" is the most completely preserved early hominin, with 90% intact, and the oldest South African australopith, but it is controversially suggested this and similar specimens be split off into "A. prometheus".
This is a somewhat unwieldy sentence. "The specimen "Little Foot" is the most completely preserved early hominin, with 90% of the skeleton intact, and the oldest South African australopith. However, it is controversially suggested that it and similar specimens be split off into "A. prometheus"." reads better to me.
- A. africanus was a competent biped, though was less efficient at walking than humans.
"Though was" seems to be too many words for the amount of information -- just "though" (or "albeit") works.
- A. africanus also has several commonalities in the upper body with arboreal non-human apes, which is either interpreted as evidence of an at least partially arboreal lifestyle or nonfunctional traits inherited from more apelike ancestors.
Couple distinct things being discussed here, which impedes readability. My rewrite would be: "A. africanus also had several upper body traits in common with arboreal non-human apes. This is alternately interpreted as evidence of a partially or fully arboreal lifestyle, or as a non-functional vestige from a more apelike ancestor".
- A. africanus, unlike most other primates, seems to have exploited C4 foods such as grasses, seeds, rhizomes, underground storage organs, or creatures which eat those such as locusts, termites, grazing mammals, or even animals which eat those creatures. Nonetheless, the species had a highly variable diet, making it a generalist.
The former sentence has a lot packed into it, even moreso than where I previously called that out. It also seems obsolete next to the second sentence. Suggested rewrite: "A. africanus had a highly variable diet, making it a generalist. Unlike most other primates, it seemed to have eaten C4 foods such as grasses, seeds, and rhizomes, in addition to creatures higher on the food chain".
- and Taung child appears to have been killed by a bird of prey
See previous note on "the Taung child". (Assume this applies to all future mentions of "Taung child" alone, including in captions.)
- In 1933, South African palaeoanthropologist Robert Broom suggested moving A. africanus into Hominidae containing, at the time, only humans and ancestors.
Awkward sentence. Suggested rewrite: "In 1933, the South African palaeoanthropologist Robert Broom suggested moving A. africanus into Hominidae, which at the time contained only humans and their ancestors".
- the then popular model of human evolution
Should be "the then-popular model".
- To this extent, Dart made note of the amalgamations of large mammal bone fragments in australopithecine-bearing caves which are now attributed to hyena activity, but Dart proposed that the bones were evidence of what he named the "osteodontokeratic culture" produced by australopithecine hunters, manufacturing weapons using the long bones, teeth, and horns of large hoofed prey:
This is long and unwieldy. I don't have a quick suggested rewrite of it, but I do feel I need to call it out -- it scans as multiple sentences for sure.
- split into 2 sentences User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:27, 27 January 2021 (UTC)
- Wider acceptance of A. africanus prompted re-evaluation of Piltdown Man in 1953 and again in 1955, revealing its falsehood.
My understanding of the Piltdown Man is that it was exposed conclusively in 1953, making the part about 1955 irrelevant.
- Australopithecus is considered a grade taxon whose members are united by their similar physiology rather than close relations with each other over other hominin genera.
Run-on sentence. Should have a comma after 'grade taxon'. (Possibly also one after 'physiology'? Not sure.)
Hominin timeline should link Ardipithecus kadabba, if possible. (Not a prose issue per se, but slots most neatly into the chronological prose discussion.)
- A. africanus had a fast ape-like dental development rate.
Putting a comma after 'fast' improves the readability/scannability of this sentence, lest 'fast ape-like' blend into each other and seem as though it's describing a particularly fast subset of apes.
- important for swiveling and stabalising the head
Should be 'stabilising'.
- StW 573 has a narrow thoracic inlet unlike A. afarensis and humans, though the clavicle is proportionally quite long, with a similar absolute length to that of modern humans.
Two sentences. Suggested rewrite: "StW 573 had a narrow thoracic inlet, unlike A. afarensis and [specify 'anatomically modern'?] humans. However, the clavicle is proportionately quite long, with a similar absolute length to that of modern humans".
- The A. africanus hand and arm exhibit a mosaic anatomy with some aspects more similar to humans and others to non-human apes
Run-on sentence -- put a comma after 'anatomy'.
- She is the first and only early hominin specimen to definitively show that the arms were almost all long as the legs.
Confusing sentence. Not really sure how to rewrite this.
- the actual proportions of early hominins is unclear because they don't fossilize as completely, so having the whole arms and legs as this individual shows that the arms of at least some early hominin individuals were as long as the legs User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:27, 27 January 2021 (UTC)
- this could possibly indicate that A. africanus either did not often consume high-sugar cavity-causing foods—such as fruit, honey, and some nuts and seeds—or often did consume gritty foods which decrease cavity incidence rate
The wording on both clauses here, especially the latter, seems suboptimal. "Often did consume" seems like it could just be "frequently consumed".
- which indicates this individual was regularly biting into acidic foods such as citrus, but tubers could have caused the same damage
Two sentences. "...which indicates this individual was regularly biting into acidic foods, such as citrus. However, tubers could have caused the same damage..."
- Because the Barium was most likely sourced from breast milk
'Barium' should not be capitalized except at the beginning of a sentence (this also applies to lithium and strontium).
- The juvenile specimen STS 24a was diagnosed with an extreme case of periodontal disease on the right side of the mouth which caused pathological bone growth
Run-on sentence, which should have a comma after 'mouth'.
Considerations aside from prose:
I mentioned the citations issue in the table; I'm not really sure what's up with that. It's a drop in the ocean relative to the other citing. It looks like it could just be a false alarm, but it may be a predatory journal -- I'd recommend looking more into it.
- I use that journal frequently and have seen established researchers publish in it User:Dunkleosteus77 |push to talk 20:27, 27 January 2021 (UTC)
Captioning: This is, honestly, a nitpick, so feel free to tell me to drop it, but it concerned me. The very first image -- the skull in the infobox -- has a caption on Commons which includes a red link to an article that isn't on Commons. I'd fix it myself, but I'm unclear whether the correct solution is to redirect it to a category, or to remove the link entirely. You likely know better than me.
This is, overall, an article clearly on the GA path. With these issues fixed, it'll easily be a high GA with a view towards future FA status. Excellent work. I'm putting it on hold until the issues are fixed, and hoping to give it full GA status soon after what must have been a frustrating wait. Vaticidalprophet (talk) 06:23, 26 January 2021 (UTC)
Changes all look good. Bringing this to GA. Vaticidalprophet (talk) 02:47, 28 January 2021 (UTC)
- "Without further adieu"? 109.249.184.146 (talk) 19:54, 23 November 2022 (UTC)