Talk:Avery Memorial Association/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 16:18, 24 May 2014 (UTC)

I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 16:18, 24 May 2014 (UTC)

• Tell the reader what the Avery memorial society is all about in the very first sentence; I shouldn't have had to read through to the middle of the paragraph. Dates of founding, etc. are far less important and should open the article. Annual meeting, etc. is fairly trivial info; remember that the purpose of the lede is to summarize the whole article, so move that info to the main body.
• You've got several typos that need to fixed and put a hyphen between six and year as it's a compound adjective.
• The article doesn't flow very logically.
• Move the very last sentence of the history section to the beginning and combine it with the existing first sentence.
• "The descendants of the Avery family" implies that every Avery descendant lived in the house; drop the "the" at the beginning of the sentence. Tell how many generations that was.
• I don't think that the presidents of the association is actually notable. I expect you disagree, but this whole section needs to be cleaned up regardless. At some point you need to discuss the structure and membership of the association, forex, it is open only to Avery descendants? This is where the annual meeting info would come in.
• The presidents section mentions various issues, but doesn't say how they were resolved. That info needs to be added or the issues deleted; you can't leave a reader in suspense. Also is the association active in supporting research into the family's history or is it mostly engaged in operating the museum.
• You've way overlinked things for such a short article.
• You don't always need to use the full name of the house each time, best to shorten it most times.
• Did the house burn down completely or was it only partially burned? If the latter, when was it rebuilt/restored? Probably best to move the house section before the memorial as the former is more important.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 19:52, 29 May 2014 (UTC)
  • Failed as non-responsive.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 05:22, 14 June 2014 (UTC)