Talk:Ayane (Dead or Alive)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Bridies (talk · contribs) 17:24, 25 September 2012 (UTC)

Starting review. bridies (talk) 17:24, 25 September 2012 (UTC)

All right, after giving it a once over, this one should be pretty straightforward:

• 1. *I'll copy edit the article.
• 2. *No obvious issues, will check a sample of statements later
• 3. *Broad coverage
• 4. *Neutral
• 5. *Stable
• 6. *Images: I think I'm good with the 3 images in this one. But just improve the rationales a little. The licence tags which you're familiar with give the criteria saying why such an image might generally be used on Wikipedia. The detailed fair-use rationales have to explain why a particular use meets the NFCC. So for the film still, don't just say it's purpose is "The film section"; say exactly what it's illustrating and why it needs to be there. And for the minimal use criterion, don't just say it's "all fine", explain why it's "all fine". bridies (talk) 13:01, 27 September 2012 (UTC)

Copy edit coments

• "In video games" section is too much "in-universe" in the first place. Try and tone it down a bit so I can just copy edit rather than rewrite it.
• This doesn't make sense: Ayane's design requirements are of "beauty and mystery". Either it means something like Ayane's design requires "beauty and mystery" (which I don't think is much better, maybe: Ayane's design calls for "beauty and mystery") or something like Ayane's design conveys "beauty and mystery". I can't check the print source.
• [She] possesses the second largest bust (stated at 93 cm / 37") after Tina Armstrong. Is there a source for this, at least?
• [She] has one of the most distinctive appearances out of DOA girls because of her unusually-colored purple hair and red eyes. Is there a source for this?
• She emerges as official winner of the third DOA championship. Does this mean canonical winner?
• Ayane has a threefold stake in this revenge trip for Raidou being changed into a monster, for Hayate being brainwashed in their attempt to realize Project Epsilon. Project Epsilon? Ditto I don't think Raidou being changed into a monster is mentioned or clarified beforehand.
• Ayane made her debut appearance in Koei's Dynasty Warriors franchise in 2009 with an unplayable guest appearance in Dynasty Warriors: Strikeforce. What does "unplayable" mean here? Just non-player controlled, or so bad as to be "unplayable"?
• A bend in the space-time continuum. For real? It needs quotation marks, a relevant link, some kind of clarification.
• "now requires much more skill in high-level players, as her best attack as nowhere as dominant as they were in the past." Is this quote right? Grammar's broken.
• Ayane was controversially portrayed by Natassia Malthe. Why was this controversial, and what is the source for it? (looks like there are relevant cites in the reception section; perhaps include one or two here).
• The merchandise items featuring Ayane include a variety of statuettes and action figures for the Dead or Alive and Ninja Gaiden series. Are 11+ cites for this necessary?
• However, in contrast to Kasumi, often commended for her personality, the overwhelming amount of critical attention Ayane received regarded solely her physical appearance. Source for this?
• Is "eye candy" used in the source? Otherwise, it's a slang term that should be replaced.
• Presumably "underage" means under the Age of consent; this should be linked or otherwise clarified.

I don't have this book. Being second to Tina is irrevelant, maybe it also changed since then. A winner, yes. Raidou indeed turns into a monster/demon, Project Epsilonis DOA2 plot thing.[1] In Strikeforce she's literally an NPC (and there should be some better sources for this). The plot of Orochi 3 does not make sense. I'm not a master of English grammar, so I don't know. Film portrayal reception is in Reception. No, actually 1 would be enough. Just a section summary (maybe too strong). Underage - she's only 14-16 in most games, 18 only in DOA5. --Niemti (talk) 14:09, 3 October 2012 (UTC)

• There's also a mix of UK and US English. Which is supposed to be used? bridies (talk) 18:37, 7 October 2012 (UTC)
• This should be removed: a nukenin, though the word "shinobi", which really means simply a ninja, is mistakenly used instead throughout the movie. First it appears to be original commentary (I could be mistaken, but didn't see it in the source), and secondly this character article doesn't need to discuss mistakes in the film.
• Ditto with including jargo/non-English language words and in-universe proper nouns, especially if it can't be linked to a Wikipedia article. If "shinobi" and "ninja" mean the same thing, it's probably best just to use "ninja" as the more recognisable term. And "outcast" is easier than "nukenin". With in-universe names, the worst instance I think is ...Eye of the Dragon, a jewel that increases the power of Ryu's Dragon Sword. "Dragon Sword" isn't going to mean anything more to the reader than "sword", because it's not explained. And the mention of the sword is pertinent to Ryu, not Ayane, so going into detail about it doesn't belong here. It would read a lot better and be just as informative if it just said she gives him a special jewel that increases the power of his sword. bridies (talk) 19:10, 7 October 2012 (UTC)

DOA officially always uses "shinobi" (shinobi is actually a historically correct term, too). Dragon Sword is extremely important thing in the Ninja Gaiden series - even the original title was Ninja Ryukenden ("ninja dragon sword story'). It's the number one plot device and main weaponin the series for almost a quarter of century, of course it's "going to mean". --Niemti (talk) 22:01, 7 October 2012 (UTC)

I'm not too bothered about shinobi. This article is about Ayane, not the Ninja Gaiden series, and no: "Dragon Sword" (nor "Eye of the Dragon") will not mean anything to a reader unfamiliar with Ninja Gaiden. US or British English? bridies (talk) 05:13, 8 October 2012 (UTC)

I think the relevant info is in Ninja Gaiden's and Ryu's articles (or should be). I don't know which English, or even how exactly different it is. --Niemti (talk) 06:05, 8 October 2012 (UTC)

• She may have managed to reconcile her feelings of hatred towards Kasumi somewhat, as demonstrated when she stops Kasumi from entering the burning DOATEC building seconds before it explodes in DOA4. Most of the time Ayane appears to be vindictive, haughty and arrogant, but sometimes she displays a softer side, such as when she cried at Genra's funeral pyre. Is there a source for these subjective inferences, other than the game ending (primary source)? bridies (talk) 05:26, 11 October 2012 (UTC)

That's just a simple telling of what happens. Citing this GameSpy quote, she's seemingly like "an uptight bitch with a massive chip on her shoulder" except not really/enitirely, and yes she actually has empathy. And by at the end of DOA5 they (and also Hayate) are reconciling entirely, which also means Kasumi will be no longer pursued. --Niemti (talk) 09:42, 11 October 2012 (UTC)

---

• Tagged this for a 2nd opinion on some minor style issues, which I think are the only outstanding disagreements. Specifically, the (IMO, over-)use of in-universe and other nomenclature in the sections dealing with fiction. Examples include: Ayane appears only near the end of the game to give Ryu the Eye of the Dragon, a jewel that increases the power of Ryu's Dragon Sword (which should say some thing like Ayane appears near the end of the game to give Ryu a jewel which increases the power of Ryu's sword (for reasons described above); another example might be At the end of the game, Ayane uses her secret ninpo technique to blow up the DOATEC Tri-Tower, ("ninpo" redirects to Ninjitsu, which doesn't really clarify how one might blow up a building using the martial art; it would be better to describe simply what this "secret ninpo technique" is, and how she blows up the building). bridies (talk) 05:21, 15 October 2012 (UTC)

The Dragon Sword is a plot device of the series. It was originally titled "Ninja Dragon Sword Story" and even one of the recent games is titled Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword (which is also where the Eye of the Dragon plot device comes from). Just explaining all this would be enough. Ninpo = special ninja technique / "ninja magic", it's always officially "ninpo" in the games. The one in question is actually this. --Niemti (talk) 05:40, 15 October 2012 (UTC)

• Passed Tried to town down down the stuff about the sword/jewel myself. Otherwise it's not a big enough issue that I want to hold this up any further. bridies (talk) 10:11, 16 October 2012 (UTC)

Dead or Alive image?

Shouldnt we use an image from dead or alive in the infobox? She's much more relevant in that series than in ninja gaiden plus she debuted in dead or alive series.Lucia Black (talk) 18:05, 27 September 2012 (UTC)