Talk:Azati Prime/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Ruby2010 (talk · contribs) 23:58, 2 December 2013 (UTC)

I shall review this, hopefully within the next few days. Thanks, Ruby 2010/2013 23:58, 2 December 2013 (UTC)

Comments

• "The guest actors who portrayed members of the Xindi Council appeared in this episode..." - this reads weird, maybe because it isn't clear when they portrayed the members? Suggest a rewrite

• Redrafted. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

• " In this episode, the crew track the Xindi superweapon down to a planet..." -> In this episode, the crew track a Xindi superweapon down to a planet...

• Changed from "the" to "a". Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

• "...and Captain Jonathan Archer (Scott Bakula) seeks to destroy in a suicide attack." What is Archer trying to destroy? The weapon? Needs rewording.

• Clarified. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

• % vs percent - consistency needed

• Changed to percent. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

• " "Azati Prime" received Nielsen ratings of 2.6/4%, and critical reaction was mostly positive with praise directed at the pacing of the episode and the plotting of the overall arc." -- verging on a run-on sentence, could use a comma somewhere in there

• Edited. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

• Xindi is overlinked

• Fixed - also noted I had Captain Jonathan Archer (Scott Bakula) in there twice too. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

• "Meanwhile, Archer orders Enterprise destroys a Xindi facility on the planet's moon so that it cannot reveal the ship's presence." -- could use a copyedit
• Explain who or what Jannar is (like you do for Degra)

• It was Archer's first time meeting Jannar in this episode (the audience saw him in Xindi Council meetings), so I've simply explained that he is also a Xindi. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

• "As Archer begins to convince them that Starfleet did not start the conflict, but Dolim..." -- would remove the "but" here

• Done. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

• "Filming took eight days, concluding on January 14, although this was due to an overlap with the following episode, "Damage"." -- I don't quite understand why this was due to an overlap; could you clarify it?

• Redrafted to explain - the episodes typically took seven days to film. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

• "The episode was directed by Allan Kroeker, who "The Xindi" earlier in the season..." -- word missing

• Redrafted to remove potential repetition. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

• "...who occurred in their recurring roles on the Xindi council." -- "occurred" seems wrong here; maybe "appeared"?

• Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

• "However, she found the pacing made..." -- not sure why you have "However" here, unless the Star Wars comparison is meant to be a negative criticism?

• Removed the however. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

Otherwise, not too many issues. Will place on hold for the usual seven days. You've done a great job improving this -- the previous state of the article was awful. Keep up the good work! Ruby 2010/2013 04:08, 5 December 2013 (UTC)

• Thanks for the review - sorry it took a couple of days to make those edits! Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

• Looks good! Passing for GA. Ruby 2010/2013 03:46, 12 December 2013 (UTC)