Talk:B. Chance Saltzman/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 03:16, 31 August 2023 (UTC)

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written. a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): It is factually accurate and verifiable. a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism): It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): b (focused): It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: Pass/Fail:
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A variety of fixes to be made here. Ping when ready. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 01:59, 1 September 2023 (UTC)

Copy changes

• Be consistent about date formatting. There are many mdy dates and some dmy dates. The article appears to be mostly mdy dates and should stay as such.

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 14:02, 8 September 2023 (UTC)

Lead

• He transferred to the Space Force in 2020 where he served as its first chief operations officer. Maybe reword to He transferred in 2020 to the Space Force, serving as its first chief operations officer.

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

Early life

• Saltzman was born to Belinda C. Troutman in Daviess County, Kentucky on June 30, 1969. Needs an MOS:GEOCOMMA after Kentucky

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

• University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill Should be "at Chapel Hill", no comma

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

• where they are taught how to be weapons instructors in their units Maybe "they" should be "students"

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

• Center For Creative Leadership "for" lowercase

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

Military career

• Saltzman commissioned into the United States Air Force on May 15, 1991 Is this a correct use or should it be was commissioned?

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

• at Vandenberg Air Force Base, California, No need to link or recite "California" again. You already did on first mention.

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

• In 1996, Saltzman was selected for the Air Force Intern Program where he was assigned to Air Force office of the director of intelligence, surveillance, and reconnaissance and the Air Staff History Office. Add a comma after Program. Add "the" after "assigned to". Capitalize the title of the USAF office; it appears to be a proper noun.

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

• While on the Air Staff, he worked planning, programming and budgeting issues for the Information Warfare Panel, wrote higher headquarters inspection classification guidance for information operations and provided historical research for the chief of staff of the United States Air Force. The first list item has a comma, so semicolons are needed. While on the Air Staff, he worked planning, programming and budgeting issues for the Information Warfare Panel; wrote higher headquarters inspection classification guidance for information operations; and provided historical research for the chief of staff of the United States Air Force. (You can probably get away with changing United States Air Force to USAF here.)

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

• Buckley Air Force Base, Colorado Comma needed

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

• In September 2016, General David L. Goldfein outlined his three priorities as chief of staff of the United States Air Force, among them is advancing multi-domain, multi-functional command and control. The part after "Among them" is a sentence of its own. The comma before "Among" should be a semicolon, and maybe "was" instead of "is"

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

• MCD2 typo

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

• "Z-grams." We use MOS:LOGICAL quotes, so this should be "Z-grams".

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

• (1) avoiding operational surprise, (2) deny first-mover advantage, and (3) responsible counterspace campaigning "denying" would be a better counterpart to the "-ing" in the other two items

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

• crowd-source for revising the mission statement maybe crowd-source ideas?

 Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 05:45, 4 September 2023 (UTC)

References

• Is sortedbybirthdate.com a reliable source, especially for a BLP? Is there a more reliable source, maybe from the Space Force, for the birthdate?
  • @KingEdinburgh: Another source is needed here for the birthdate per WP:BLPPRIMARY. We can't just use public record for this on a BLP. Please reply to me when you have changed out this source. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 22:02, 3 September 2023 (UTC)
    • @Sammi Brie: I found a secondary source, but it only displays June 1969. Would this be enough? KingEdinburgh (talk) 14:08, 8 September 2023 (UTC)

      @KingEdinburgh That doesn't exactly look like a reliable source to me. It may be that you cannot list a birth date in this article while citing it to an RS. (I'd take a year only if you could get that from one of the military bios, etc.) Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 21:48, 8 September 2023 (UTC)

      @Sammi Brie I found this source. KingEdinburgh (talk) 00:31, 9 September 2023 (UTC)

      Good, KingEdinburgh. You can't say "June 30", but you can say 1969 and everything else in the article around his birthdate with that source. Edit the article and make it conform to that information, and it will be passable. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 00:32, 9 September 2023 (UTC)

      @Sammi Brie  Done KingEdinburgh (talk) 01:52, 9 September 2023 (UTC)

Spot checks

• 13: The link is dead. I ran IABot to add archives to pages...stand by...
  • OK, that's done. Almost checks out. But it's Director, Strategic Integration Group, not Initiatives. Fix. Y
• 17: That's what U.S. Air Forces Central Command did when choosing its first non-flying deputy Combined Force Air Component Commander. Y
• 24: Mission capable rates and other traditional measures of readiness don’t translate to Space Force, Saltzman said. “Readiness is that term of art to express: Can you do your mission or not?” he observed. He said he was about to take a briefing on readiness and expected to be “underwhelmed,” because “quite frankly, we took a system that was primarily designed to show how Air Force expeditionary units made themselves ready for deployment or a high-end fight, and we tried to make that system work for Space Force,” which usually operates from garrison and is doing its mission every day. Y
• 31: The whole paragraph starting in To ensure the Space Force can accomplish this important mission, we need to be successfulacross three broad fronts... Y
• 36: Hoping to prod a debate on the Space Force’s future, Chief of Space Operations Gen. B. Chance Saltzman unveiled his “Theory of Success” concept Feb. 22, as the force carves out its military role. Within this debate, he said some ambiguity is acceptable. Y

Earwig has a higher than normal similarity percentage to the Space Force biography (attributed PD-USGov, so fine) and the "Salty" quote (attributed).

Media

The page is loaded with images and a long sound sample. Everything is PD-USGov. Encouragement (not needed for GA status): Add alt text.

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.