Talk:Barys Astana/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Winner 42 (talk · contribs) 01:09, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

Overall Comments

Placing under review, should be done in a day or two. Winner 42 Talk to me! 01:09, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

Sorry for taking so long, been busy IRL, but here is my review please mark items when they are addressed. Thank you!

Although some of the minor issues have been addressed, the major problems with this article have not been in 20 days of holding this review therefore I am failing it for now. Winner 42 Talk to me! 20:33, 26 August 2015 (UTC)

• No deadlinks, dab links, or copyvio
• The article switches between national varieties of English
• Oxford comma usage is inconsistent

Sectional Analysis

• Lead
  • Seems to adequately summarize the article
  • Usage of "it" and "they" to refer to the team is inconsistent, albeit a very minor issue
  • Prior to 2015, the team played its home games at the Kazakhstan Sports Palace for 14 seasons, beginning in 2001. This should be reworded to include where they play now.
  • In general the lead could be reworded so that the history is in chronological order.
• History
  • The subpage seems to be a direct copy of this page. The main page should generally summarize the content on the subpage, might be worth redirecting the subpage for now.
  • a result of resolution -> the result of a resolution
  • who annually were -> who were annually
  • The 2nd sentence needs to be reworded for grammar and clarity
  • in a club history -> "in the club's history", or just delete
  • the team doing fairly well Needs a non-primary source
  • a good one Also needs a non-primary source
  • the first Kazakh team into the new league -> the first Kazakh team to join the new league
  • this time again in shootout Poor wording could be made clearer
  • the team secured a second straight Kazakhstan Hockey Championship title Needs a source.
  • The 2009–10 season saw Barys have a very similar season than the previous. Contradiction, needs editing for wording and clarity.
  • Fan favourite Kevin Dallman Needs a source saying he was a fan favorite.
  • the team's previous manager Andrei Shayanov remained in the team as an assistant coach Needs a citation.
  • formed BBD line What is this? It is not explained.
• Arenas
  • just began to build -> just began construction
  • to the temporary relocations -> to relocate temporarily
  • of existence -> of its existence
  • the team based -> the team was based
  • The main reason was the regrettably little capacity. information not given in source
• Team identity
  • wrote -> is written
  • with adding -> who added
• Rivalry with Ak Bars Kazan
  • Rivalry -> The rivalry
  • teams often refers as -> teams is often referred to as
  • This section is OR and doesn't represent the source
• Leaders and below
  • These sections have some serious WP:MOSLIST issues, I suggest rereading the guideline and changing sections to prose or removing them when appropriate

Review

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

1. Is it reasonably well written?

   A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:

   B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:

2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?

   A. Has an appropriate reference section:

   B. Cites reliable sources, where necessary:

   C. No original research:

3. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. Major aspects:

   B. Focused (see summary style):

4. Is it neutral?

   Fair representation without bias:

5. Is it stable?

   No edit wars, etc:

6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?

   A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

   B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:

7. Overall:

   Pass or Fail: