Talk:Battle of Trapani/GA1
Latest comment: 6 years ago by Gog the Mild in topic GA Review
GA Review
edit| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: Gog the Mild (talk · contribs) 20:41, 20 October 2018 (UTC)
Hi Constantine. Just a starter.
- The image needs a US PD tag.
- Optional: A map? I like maps.
Gog the Mild (talk) 21:07, 26 October 2018 (UTC)
As usual I have done some fairly bold copy editing. As usual, feel free to flag anything you are not happy with up here.
- Very optional: "in large degree" is a little odd; 'in large part'?
- "Borbonino and most of his captains were tried and fined large sums for cowardice on their return to Genoa." May read better in chronological order? Ie 'On their return to Genoa, Borbonino and most of his captains were tried and fined large sums for cowardice.
- "For the 1266 raiding campaign, Genoa prepared a raiding fleet". "raiding" twice is redundant. Pick one of them to delete.
- Gallipoli, Apulia. It may be helpful to change "likely at Gallipoli" to 'Gallipoli in Apulia', or, given the uncertainty, just 'likely at a port in Apulia'. I spent several minutes searching your sources and scratching my head trying to work out why the fleet was at the top of the Aegean and why anyone would walk to Venice from there!
- "many of whom were apparently Lombards and foreigners" doesn't really work. It needs rewriting. Something like 'did not trust their crews; it is believed that many were Lombards or other foreigners who had been hired as substitutes...'?
- "practically without facing any resistance". But "Twice the Venetian attempts to break the Genoese line failed", which suggests a fairly stout resistance against the first two attacks. Seems inconsistent on the face of it.
- "except for five, were found guilty". Any idea how many were found guilty?
- ISSN needed for Dotson 1999 - 0083-5897
- Publisher location needed for Stanton - Barnsley, South Yorkshire.
A fine little article.
Gog the Mild (talk) 12:10, 27 October 2018 (UTC)
- Hi Gog the Mild. Your edits were fine, as usual. Map added, as well as another image. Did some copyediting per your suggestions, some (e.g. the lack of resistance) was in there before I got Wiel's information into the article. On the convicted Genoese officers, I managed to find a copy of the Annales, and although my Latin is rudimentary, it simply says "the said admiral, his councillors and officers of the fleet, except for five, ...". No other number is given. In general, from what I can see, the original source does not contain anything of substance to add here. That said, if you know anyone who knows good Latin, I'd love to have a second opinion. Constantine ✍ 11:39, 28 October 2018 (UTC)
- Hi Constantine. What a wonderful map! It really ups the quality of the article. Fine work as always. Happy to pass as GA. It is probably up to an ACR IMO.
- Shameless plug time. If you fancy assessing one of my GANs it would be much appreciated. The naval Battle of Winchelsea (1350) might be up your street. Obviously, if time does not permit then that can't be helped.
- Gog the Mild (talk) 12:45, 28 October 2018 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
|
