Talk:Bazy Tankersley/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Rosiestep (talk · contribs) 21:20, 22 March 2014 (UTC)

I'll review this one within a week. --Rosiestep (talk) 21:20, 22 March 2014 (UTC)

In general

• There are wl issues: These include an abundance of duplicate linking, sometimes the wl occurs at the second mention of a name rather than the first time, and some underlinking.
  • Did I at least get the underlinked things you noted? On one hand, I'm prone to overlinking, on the other hand, sometimes if something is linked in the lead but not again until near the end of the article, my read of the MOS is that it can be ok? But either way, I'll try to work on this - however, my eyeballs (developing a cataract, long story) have a little trouble spotting these; feel free to point out the worst offenders so I can find them on word search? @Dana boomer: - can your eyes help me here? --MTBW
• Newspaper names: be consistent with naming, italization and hyphenation, i.e. Washington Times-Herald vs. Times-Herald vs. Washington Times Herald.
  • Did I get everything that needed to be italicized? - on italization, But dropping the city name for short form of the paper is common, so I think that's OK, though if it's needed somewhere, say so. --MTBW

Lead

• Image: consider increasing in size to 300px and adding her first name to the caption
  • FIXED by creating infobox. Better? --MTBW
• "Add nationality in the lead sentence
  • FIXED --MTBW
• "... first running a newspaper with her first husband": first/first is a bit clumsy
  • FIXED - better? --MTBW
• "... As a horse breeder Tankersley became fond of Arabian horses as a child ..." - This doesn't make sense.
  • FIXED - better? --MTBW
• "... her ranch name" - add the ranch name (Al-Marah Arabian Horse Farm is mentioned in another section so I'm assuming it's the ranch referred to in this section)
  • FIXED - better? --MTBW
• Hat Ranch - be consistent in this section and others whether it's in quotes or not
  • FIXED - killed quote marks, did I get them all? --MTBW

Early life

• wl: Chicago, Illinois
  • Now linked in infobox. Will that do? --MTBW
• " ... and served as a member of Congress from Illinois, serving as": served/serving is a bit clumsy
  • Killed one "serving" - better? --MTBW

Newspaper career

• Image caption: for consistency, consider removing 'Bazy's uncle' from the caption as the mother's caption doesn't include 'Bazy's mother'.
  • FIXED --MTBW
• "Tankersley first gained experience running a newspaper with Peter Miller in La Salle, Illinois." - is the newpaper's name known?
  • Haven't found it yet, no --MTBW
• "... 1948 Presidential campaign" - presidential should be lc; consider linking to United States presidential election, 1948
  • FIXED --MTBW
• wl: Democratic
  • FIXED --MTBW
• " ... helped cost Tydings his race" - clumsy
  • Rephrased - better? (If not, I'm open to ideas on how to do it better) --MTBW
• wl: First Amendment
  • FIXED --MTBW
• "The Times-Herald sold to the Washington Post": reword as 'The Times-Herald was sold to the Washington Post'
  • FIXED --MTBW

Horse breeding career

• "Tankersley is recorded as the breeder of over" - suggest simplifying to 'Tankersley bred'
  • No, it's significant phrasing because being the "officially recorded" breeder is technical language in breeding registered horses; owner of the mare at time of the foal's birth. "She bred" is much looser - could include other people's horses who came to her ranch to be bred to her stallions, etc... very different meaning. Does that make sense? --MTBW
• "She purchased her first Arabian horse, a mare named Curfa, with money from the sale of another horse she had ridden while at her boarding school in Virginia when she was 19 years old, and founded the Al-Marah Arabian Horse Farm when she first lived Tucson, in 1941." - suggest starting the sentence with 'In 1941' rather than ending it with that clause as it could be construed that the 2nd event occurred in 1941 vs. both events.
  • Clarified - better? --MTBW
• wl: if you wl stallion, you should wl mare
  • FIXED --MTBW

Maryland

• "Upon arrival in the Washington, DC area, Tankersley first located her horse farm in Bethesda, near Washington" - omit 'near Washington' as it's superfluous
  • Not to those who don't know where Bethesda is; or for those of us who live in the west and think nothing of a 30-mile commute from a country place to town (grin) ...? I'm open to rewording, but back then Bethesda was enough in the country for a horse farm, which is a nuance I somehow want to convey. Open to ideas for rewording --MTBW
• Why does Maynesboro link to William Robinson Brown?
  • He owned Maynesboro, no reason to do separate article on his horse farm from his bio - kind of like how there is no real way to separate Al-Marah from Bazy here, so Al-Marah redirects to this article. Does that make sense? --MTBW

Tucson, Arizona

• wl: Arizona Highways
  • FIXED --MTBW
• "... in the 1980s" - add comma after 1980s
  • FIXED --MTBW
• " Williams, AZ" - spell out Arizona
  • FIXED --MTBW

Legacy

• Some of this section really isn't about her legacy.
  • Which parts? Thoughts on where to put some of the material? --MTBW

References

• For consistency use lname, fname for authors (vs. fname lname)
  • Think I got them all, did I miss any? --MTBW
• Tucson Citizen vs. Tucsoncitizen.com
  • FIXED --MTBW
• Articles.washingtonpost.com - unnecessary
  • FIXED --MTBW
• TIME - italicize
  • FIXED --MTBW
• High Country News - italicize
  • FIXED --MTBW

Sources

• Ahneman-Rudsenske - page numbers unnecessary here
  • I'd prefer to keep them in, it's proper full citation, even though I also have the pinpoint cites in the refs above. For one thing, my understanding of the MOS is that they should be. For another thing, MAH articles sometimes have vanished from the web server in the past, I have the hardcopy, just in case... ;-) --MTBW

Categories

• Add: Deaths from Parkinson's disease
• Add: American newspaper publishers (people)
• Add: American columnists
  • DONE--MTBW

No major concerns with this article. I'll put it on hold for the usual 7 days. Please ping me when you're ready for me to look at it again. --Rosiestep (talk) 03:53, 26 March 2014 (UTC)

@Rosiestep: - I think I've got most things fixed and will value your input/comments on the more complex issues above. Let me know if I failed to fix something I thought I got... the linking issue is probably the trickiest one for me, I'd appreciate some extra eyes on that. Montanabw^(talk) 05:09, 26 March 2014 (UTC)

@Montanabw: - Thanks for your fast response. Here are some answers and/or comments:

Infobox

• age 93 vs. aged 91?
  • Infobox parameters. Birth date parameter must presume they are still alive, I tweaked the parameter :-P FIXED. --MTBW

Lead

• Peter Miller - I googled him and found his full name is Maxwell Peter Miller, Jr. In some gbooks, he's referred to as Maxwell, so I'd include his fname.
• Add her middle name (Elizabeth)
  • Got a source for those? Do shoot me the URL where you found them - Can't do that without a source! -MTBW

Early life

• "Her father... " - For the sake of context, what about mentioning her mom's and great-grandfather's newspaper connections?
  • Cool new stuff! Good find! (How did you search that and bring it up?? ) Give me a little time to work in some of this material. --MTBW
• "Over the course of her two marriages..." paragraph - You might consider moving this paragraph to the Legacy section as it mentions her death.
  • Renamed section to "personal life" which is how I handled WR Brown and Homer Davenport (though each a bit differently). Later will probably expand legacy to mention more of her charitible works and such; note at talk I have a lot more sources; kind of want to get GA nailed down, then expand for FA later on --MTBW

Newspaper career

• Found the info on the first newspaper: LaSalle News Tribune also known as La Salle Post-Tribune; and they bought the nearby Peru News-Herald
  • Yay! Will add. -_MTBW

Horse breeding career

• "first lived Tucson" - first lived in Tucson
  • FIXED -- MTBW

Legacy

• "Tankersley's politics..." paragraph - You might consider moving it to the Tucson section.
  • Would prefer not to at this time; my thinking was it tied in with the conservation easement on the Hat Ranch and other ways she wound up a progressive environmentalist instead of a right-winger seem mostly to be expressed now. I can't date precisely when her party allegiance began to shift, in fact hearing she voted for Obama in 2008 - well, it was a surprise to hear this about a wealthy Arizonan in general, let alone one who partied with Joseph McCarthy! (But also kind of cool, and consistent with her mother's Progressive beliefs) --MTBW

Not much left to do on this one. Please ping me when you're ready for me to look at it again. --Rosiestep (talk) 19:58, 26 March 2014 (UTC)

OK, @Rosiestep: as to a source on everyone's middle name thing above. I will do a bit more on the other items while I await your return! Montanabw^(talk) 23:52, 26 March 2014 (UTC)

Middle name source? Take your pick: Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, Time Magazine, etc. --Rosiestep (talk) 00:05, 27 March 2014 (UTC)

Thanks! I must admit, with some chagrin, that it did not occur to me to look for material on Bazy via articles about "the Colonel." Much appreciated!. Montanabw^(talk) 13:41, 27 March 2014 (UTC)

@Rosiestep:, OK, I think I got everything now. And more... found all kinds of additional good stuff with your prompting! Montanabw^(talk) 21:38, 27 March 2014 (UTC)

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

1. Is it reasonably well written?

   A. Prose quality:

   B. MoS compliance:

2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?

   A. References to sources:

   B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

   C. No original research:

3. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. Major aspects:

   B. Focused:

4. Is it neutral?

   Fair representation without bias:

5. Is it stable?

   No edit wars, etc:

6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?

   A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

   B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:

7. Overall:

   Pass or Fail:

Good job. Looks adequate for GA. --Rosiestep (talk) 01:56, 28 March 2014 (UTC)

Thank you! Montanabw^(talk) 22:21, 29 March 2014 (UTC)