Talk:Ben Crosby/GA1

GA Review

Article Passed GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch Reviewer: ТимофейЛееСуда (talk · contribs) 03:01, 21 January 2014 (UTC) I will be taking on this review. As usual, I will fill out my GA Criteria form followed by prose review. My initial review should be up by tonight (UTC). -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 03:01, 21 January 2014 (UTC) Review GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria Is it reasonably well written? A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors: Good, just a few small things in the prose review below. B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists: Is it factually accurate and verifiable? A. Has an appropriate reference section: B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary: C. No original research: Is it broad in its coverage? A. Major aspects: B. Focused: Is it neutral? Fair representation without bias: Is it stable? No edit wars, etc: Only two major editors. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic? A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content: B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions: Overall: Pass or Fail: Just a couple of things on the prose review below. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 20:50, 21 January 2014 (UTC) Prose Review As the whole article is a biography, it would be wise to change the name of the Biography and career section to just "Career" Simplified. Do you know what "law office" Crosby joined after starting NY Law School? If so, this should be included, if not, then its good. No the name is not known. I was really bothered by the lack of info, and that was one specific thing that annoyed me. Two run-on sentences that would read better if split up: He accepted the position, and on the twelfth of the same month, he coached his first game and became the second head football coach of the program. As they are separate thoughts, I would end the first part after "position" and start with "On the twelfth..." I agree. Split. The loss continued a losing streak from the previous season, which was extended when Navy was defeated three days later by Princeton in a 28–0 shutout. This one should end at the first comma and start a new sentence: "The streak was further extended..." Ditto. The award was made Gorham Manufacturing Company, and presented to him on December 22. I believe you are missing the word "by" in the beginning of that sentence, ie "was made by Gorham..." I could swear that it was there yesterday... anyways, I added the "by". In the last section of this section it says that Crosby contracted a "severe cold"... Did Crosby know that he had contracted this "cold"? If he did not, the word "however" is appropriate as that word means in contradiction of. If he knew that he contracted the cold (not typhoid fever) then I would split the last few paragraphs into a separate section entitled Death or something of the sort and start with "While he was coaching...." Although it is not stated, most sources imply that the illness was a complete surprise to Crosby. That's my review, if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask. As always, great work, very well polished and I cannot wait to pass this article after these few revisions. -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 20:50, 21 January 2014 (UTC) I attempted to fix all of your concerns. Thanks for the great review, _ Awardgive. Help out with Project Fillmore County 03:36, 22 January 2014 (UTC) Everything looks good, I'm happy to pass this article to GA status! -- ТимофейЛееСуда. 13:18, 22 January 2014 (UTC)