Talk:Benjamin B. Talley/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hog Farm (talk · contribs) 03:39, 8 January 2021 (UTC)

• Consider linking brigadier general in the lead

Done

• Optional - infobox. I'm a fan of infoboxen, but I know not everyone is. So ignore this if you have no desire to add one. It's not part of the GA criteria.

Added-- I like them too, I'm just lazy

• "As a second lieutenant,[5] Talley was stationed with the 2nd Engineer Battalion in Texas and Colorado before attending the Engineer School in Virginia" - When?

Source doesn't specify, unfortunately. Talley is one of the few prominent generals to not have attended West Point, a group that is generally under-documented, in my experience

• "Talley was assigned to put out the ensuing fire after the earthquake hit Managua" - Presumably he was put in charge of making sure it got put out? Or was he personally tasked with the firefighting himself? The current phrasing leaves both interpretations open.

The source doesn't actually specify, it just kinda says "the job of extinguishing it was given to Lieutenant Talley," which I'd say also leaves both interpretations open

• "In the lead-up to World War II" - Consider rephrasing to something about the American involvement in WWII, because it was in full force in a lot of places by September 1940.

clarified, I think

• "In November he visited John L. DeWitt in San Francisco to get several projects approved." - Maybe briefly gloss who DeWitt was?

Sure

• "He arrived back in Alaska on December 6, just a day before receiving news of the Attack on Pearl Harbor." - Is "receiving new of" necessary? Because it was also simply a day before the attack, as well.

Sure

• "though he eventually lost that role" - Is when and why known?

he diverted a ship to Umnak, added-- why that was a problem I don't exactly know...

• "Under Talley's command, the brigade headquarters returned to England, and embarked for the United States on 23 December. It arrived at Fort Dix, New Jersey, on 30 December." - I'm not personally sure exactly how the best way to handle this will be, but until I read through the rest of the paragraph, I thought 23 December might be 1945, as that was the most recent year mentioned. Can this be rephrased to avoid potential confusion to readers?

Tired to order it better

• "Talley was subsequently district engineer for Huntington, West Virginia and later Louisville, Kentucky. He then attended the National War College and was "chief of the estimates branch of the intelligence division on the Army General Staff", briefing the Joint Chiefs of Staff on the Soviet Union's military capacity during the Korean War and other relevant intelligence" - Is when known?

Added dates, removed quotes because it's his job title

• The last three sentences of the later career section all start with the same word, can this be rephrased some?

tried a bit

• " and oversaw the group as it rebuilt Anchorage, Alaska after the" - Need a geographic comma after Alaska, I believe

I think you're right

• Can we get a publishing location for the book sources that don't include one?

Added

• Also, be consistent with title case vs sentence case in the source titles.

Think I got them

That's all for GA status, I think. Good work. Hog Farm _Bacon 04:02, 8 January 2021 (UTC)

Thanks Hog Farm, all points now addressed, I think Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 14:32, 8 January 2021 (UTC)