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Talk:Bergen Beach, Brooklyn/GA1

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Latest comment: 6 years ago by The Rambling Man in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 6 years ago12 comments2 people in discussion
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 19:24, 16 November 2018 (UTC)Reply


Comments

  • " the New York City borough of Brooklyn" a bit of a sea of blue happening here, particularly as the piped link (which goes to a redirect, incidentally) for "borough" is really for "New York City boroughs".
  • Any reason only one fact in the lead necessitates an inline citation? Everything in the lead should be in the article, and expanded, and thus can be referenced there, leaving the lead cite-free and nice and tidy.
    • Moved below.
  • As a clueless reviewer, I don't know what "uplands" are.
    • Fixed.
  • "shell middens" and "univalves" are piped to redirects.
    • Fixed.
  • "late 1890s.[5]:77 It was" merge, the two very short sentences are jarring.
    • Merged the sentences.
  • "However, some sources give the filling-in date as 1911.[7] " this would probably be better suited as a footnote.
  • " landfill to fill in the marshland.[6] However, some sources give the filling-in date as 1911.[7] More fill was added in the 1980s.[8] This fill " count the "fills", repetitive and off-putting.
    • Fixed.
  • "Forgotten NY delineates" no idea what this is, so perhaps prefix it with "Website ..."
    • Done.
  • "[4]:4[14]:146 " why isn't that "[4]:4, 146"? (maybe it doesn't work this way, I never use this style of citation...)
  • "[15]:65[3]:9" [3] before [15].
    • Fixed.
  • "bequeathed 60 acres" convert.
    • Fixed.
  • "Norwegian" is piped to a redirect.
    • Fixed.
  • Consider linking vaudeville for non-experts.
    • Done.
  • "Flatbush Avenue streetcar route[17] (the present-day B41 bus[24][8]). " this is a cite mess. I would suggest putting all three in numerical order after the period. I'm sure our readers can wait one or two words before getting them and it would refresh the prose.
  • Image caption: Boardwalk of Bergen Beach - can we put a timeframe on this?
    • Done.
  • Bergen Beach:[26] - the cite isn't necessary here as it's at the end of the quote.
    • Fixed.
  • Just checking, the Trocadero Theatre was spelt Theatre and not Theater?
  • " $25,000 in damages" (et seq) is there value in adding the inflation value for these figures to put them into modern context?
    • Yes, done.
  • "Max Natanson and Mandlebaum & Levine " who or what were these?

That takes me to the "Redevelopment" section, away for a bit, back soon. The Rambling Man (talk) 09:24, 17 November 2018 (UTC)Reply

Continued

  • Shouldn't "zip code" be "ZIP Code"?
    • Done.
  • " counted in 2000." that's an Easter Egg link, perhaps " counted in the 2000 Census."
    • Done.
  • 2000 Census is also overlinked.
  • Should really expand NYPD before using it as an initialism.
  • "As of 2017, the 63rd Precinct reported 3 murders " is that "3 murders to the year up to 2017"?
    • Clarified.
  • Quite a bit of SHOUTING in the ref titles.
    • Fixed.
  • Some refs use "Accessed" instead of "Retrieved", be consistent.
    • Fixed.
  • Avoid spaced hyphens in ref titles, use en-dashes per MOS instead.
    • Done.

That's about it for a quick run-through. As you can see, most of this is technical stuff, the article is basically already at GA quality, these pointers may just polish it up a bit, so I'll put it on hold. The Rambling Man (talk) 14:26, 17 November 2018 (UTC)Reply

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