Talk:Berkyaruq/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 13:47, 1 March 2021 (UTC)

Hello History of Iran, happy to review this article.

Review

Lead section / Infobox

• His full name needs to be in the main text of the article, as does any other information not already included (MOS:LEAD).

Didn't see this comment. Sorry, but imho I on't think we should follow MOS:LEAD in this instance, as I've never seen this in any other GA / FA article (at least with these long Arabic names) [1] [2] [3] [4] --HistoryofIran (talk) 18:49, 21 March 2021 (UTC)

• The source for the infobox image cannot be verified as coming from this, as stated in WikiCommons, a self-published website. See https://images.is.ed.ac.uk/luna/servlet/media/book/showBook/UoEsha~4~4~64742~103064, as an alternative—let me know if you want me to upload this image instead.

Yeah sure :). --HistoryofIran (talk) 19:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)

1 Name

• As far as I know, "Berkyaruq" should be in italics.

2 Background

• Link Turkoman (move link from section below).
• Bosworth (1968) p.103 says he was 12 years old.
• latter’s, not latters; brother’s, not brothers.
• His half-brother – whose?
• as a vast empire – what was it called?
• Unlink Baghdad (see MOS:OL).
• stretching from Kirman to Anatolia and Syria – is not verified by Bosworth (1988)

It's the last bit of text in the article. --HistoryofIran (talk) 19:09, 16 March 2021 (UTC)

• named Tutush I – this was his title, not his name.
• This would ultimately pave… - this sentence needs to be copy edited to help it make more sense.
• four year old son - four-year-old son.(MOS:HYPHEN)
• Why include (known as the "Nizamiyya")?

It's a commonly used term to refer to his supporters. --HistoryofIran (talk) 17:45, 8 March 2021 (UTC)

• Who was Er-Ghush?

3.1 Initial challenges and consolidation of power

• I would amend A. C. S. Peacock to Andrew Peacock.
• Be consistent about introducing place names (e.g. as the new governor of Khwarazm. (not explained) He spent a total of seven months in the city of Balkh, (explained)
• The sentence ending in (Bosworth) needs to be copy edited.

Is that necessary? It's just one quote, and its not uncommon to see stuff like that, for example Al-Mu'tadid --HistoryofIran (talk) 19:40, 17 March 2021 (UTC)

There's nothing wrong with using the quote, but the author should be properly included in the sentence, not added in brackets after the quote. Apologies for not being clearer. Amitchell125 (talk) 16:15, 20 March 2021 (UTC)

Done. --HistoryofIran (talk) 21:13, 20 March 2021 (UTC)

• was probably partly true – can you be more specific? - which bit was true, and why ‘probably’?

Neither Bosworth nor Peacock go further into detail unfortunately. --HistoryofIran (talk) 19:11, 17 March 2021 (UTC)

• following her – needs amending (see MOS:EUPH).
• captured several cities in Khurasan (except Nishapur) – 'several' is imo too vague.
• Unlink Iraq.
• besieged Antioch - should simply be linked to Siege of Antioch.
• Amend spent a total of seven to 'spent seven'.
• which indicates the – an indication of?
• was unavailable – was unable?

Unavailable :). --HistoryofIran (talk) 20:15, 12 March 2021 (UTC)

• They besieged Antioch - who did?

The crusaders, fixed. --HistoryofIran (talk) 19:44, 5 March 2021 (UTC)

• You are the expert, but is Ghilman a better link than Ghulam?

Yup. --HistoryofIran (talk) 20:15, 12 March 2021 (UTC)

• Ref 17 (Bosworth (1968) pp. 105-106) is one of 3 citations next to each other. I can’t see how it verifies the text.

I'm not sure I understand, it verifies the event in Khurasan. --HistoryofIran (talk) 19:14, 17 March 2021 (UTC)

3.2 Conflict with Muhammad I Tapar

• The image has the same issue as the one in the infobox. See https://images.is.ed.ac.uk/luna/servlet/media/book/showBook/UoEsha~4~4~64742~103064.
• However isn’t needed – it’s too conversational.
• Can you clarify what in 1098/9 means? It could interpreted to mean different things to different readers.
• Consider amending which was made easier due to Muhammad's young age, who was approximately 17 years old at the time to ‘made easier because Muhammad had yet to reach adulthood' (or something similar).
• He died in the same year at the age of 25 – amend to 'That year he died, aged 25'?
• who had Malik-Shah II executed – imo infants are not executed, but 'killed' or 'murdered'.

5 Sources

• Use https://anticompositetools.toolforge.org/hyphenator/ to ensure your ISBN links are formatted in a consistent way.

Now done. - AM

• Link Clifford Edmund Bosworth throughout.
• There’s not much point in linking Bosworth (1968) using Google Books, as the page cited in the article can’t be cited from there. I would replace it with https://www.academia.edu/12555076/The_Cambridge_History_of_Iran_Volume_5_The_Saljuq_and_Mongol_Periods_edited_by_Boyle_J_A_Cambridge_University_Press_1968_732_p?auto=download.
• Urls are available for the following sources:

1. Blake - https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=vJ0e0kfgttUC&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gbs_navlinks_s
2. Bosworth (2001) - https://www.jstor.org/stable/1580488
3. Tetley - https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=SVV9AgAAQBAJ&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&dq=tetley+%22The+Ghaznavid+and+Seljuk+Turks%22&source=gbs_navlinks_s

• Cahen has a location and the other sources do not, for consistency they should be the same.

Unfortunately it does that automatically, I'm not sure how to find the location of the rest of the sources. --HistoryofIran (talk) 19:13, 16 March 2021 (UTC)

• Replace the link to Peacock with https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=hAndCQAAQBAJ&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&dq=The+Great+Seljuk+Empire&source=gbs_navlinks_s, as no preview is available using the current url.

6 Further reading

• Link Bernard Lewis.
• Van Donzel should be moved into the Sources section, as it is cited.

On hold for a week

Hi HistoryofIran, another interesting little article to review—the above list shouldn't take too long to address. I'm putting the article on hold for a week until 13 March. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 14:36, 5 March 2021 (UTC)

Can it be extended a little? Work is killing me x). --HistoryofIran (talk) 23:24, 12 March 2021 (UTC)

OK, another week.. Amitchell125 (talk) 07:13, 13 March 2021 (UTC)

@Amitchell125: Thoughts? --HistoryofIran (talk) 19:41, 17 March 2021 (UTC)

I need a couple of days, but I'll back to you asap. Amitchell125 (talk) 21:58, 17 March 2021 (UTC)

Final points to address

Hi HistoryofIran, the review is close to completion, but there are still a number of issues not yet addressed. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 16:24, 20 March 2021 (UTC)

HistoryofIran and Amitchell125, "and was also acknowledged as the sultan by the caliph". Shouldn't the caliph's identity be specified here? Is it Al-Musta'li? --► Sincerely: SolaVirum 15:17, 21 March 2021 (UTC)

@SolaVirum: It's the Abbasid caliph, I will make it a bit more clear, thanks notifying me. @Amitchell125: Sorry for being such a slack - regarding the images, shouldn't I just change the links of the already existing images to that site you've linked?(https://images.is.ed.ac.uk/) --HistoryofIran (talk) 18:52, 21 March 2021 (UTC)

Yes, I would do that. Amitchell125 (talk) 20:10, 21 March 2021 (UTC)

@Amitchell125: Done, I think that's about it. Thoughts? --HistoryofIran (talk) 22:11, 21 March 2021 (UTC)

No worries now. Amitchell125 (talk) 07:12, 22 March 2021 (UTC)