Talk:Bernard Waldman

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Bernard Waldman/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Seabuckthorn (talk · contribs) 19:04, 17 February 2014 (UTC)
Nominator: Hawkeye7 (talk)

Hi! My review for this article will be here shortly. --Seabuckthorn ♥ 19:04, 17 February 2014 (UTC)

1: Well-written

• a. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:
• b. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:

WP:LEAD:

Check for WP:LEAD: Check for Correct Structure of Lead Section:  Done Check for Citations (WP:LEADCITE):  Done Check for Introductory text:  Done Check for Provide an accessible overview (MOS:INTRO):  Done Major Point 1: Early life and education "" (summarised well in the lead) (not a concise summary of the corresponding section in the body) Major Point 2: Manhattan Project "" (summarised well in the lead) (not a concise summary of the corresponding section in the body) Major Point 3: Later life "He later served as the dean of the College of Science at Notre Dame University, director of the Midwestern Universities Research Association Laboratory, and associate director of the National Superconducting Cyclotron Laboratory." (summarised well in the lead) Check for Relative emphasis:  Done Major Point 1: Early life and education "" (the lead gives due weight as is given in the body) (the lead does not give due weight as is given in the body) Major Point 2: Manhattan Project "" (the lead gives due weight as is given in the body) (the lead does not give due weight as is given in the body) Major Point 3: Later life "He later served as the dean of the College of Science at Notre Dame University, director of the Midwestern Universities Research Association Laboratory, and associate director of the National Superconducting Cyclotron Laboratory." (the lead gives due weight as is given in the body) Check for Opening paragraph (MOS:BEGIN):  Done Check for First sentence (WP:LEADSENTENCE):  Done "Bernard Waldman (October 12, 1913 – November 1, 1986) was an American physicist, who during World War II flew on the Hiroshima bombing mission as a cameraman." Check for Format of the first sentence (MOS:BOLDTITLE):  Done Check for Proper names and titles:  Done Check for Abbreviations and synonyms (MOS:BOLDSYN): None Check for Foreign language (MOS:FORLANG): None Check for Pronunciation: None Check for Contextual links (MOS:CONTEXTLINK):  Done Check for Biographies: NA Check for Organisms: NA Check for Biographies of living persons: NA Check for Alternative names (MOS:LEADALT):  Done Check for Non-English titles: Check for Usage in first sentence: Check for Separate section usage: Check for Length (WP:LEADLENGTH):  Done Check for Clutter (WP:LEADCLUTTER): None

WP:LAYOUT:

Done Check for WP:LAYOUT:  Done Check for Body sections: WP:BODY, MOS:BODY.  Done Check for Headings and sections:  Done Check for Section templates and summary style:  Done Check for Paragraphs (MOS:PARAGRAPHS):  Done Paragraphs should be short enough to be readable, but long enough to develop an idea. (WP:BETTER) Fix short paragraphs in the Later life section. Check for Standard appendices and footers (MOS:APPENDIX):  Done Check for Order of sections (WP:ORDER):  Done Check for Works or publications:  Done Check for See also section (MOS:SEEALSO):  Done Check for Notes and references (WP:FNNR):  Done Check for Further reading (WP:FURTHER):  Done Check for External links (WP:LAYOUTEL):  Done Check for Links to sister projects:  Done Check for Navigation templates:  Done Check for Formatting:  Done Check for Images (WP:LAYIM):  Done Check for Links:  Done Check for Horizontal rule (WP:LINE):  Done

WP:WTW:

Done Check for WP:WTW:  Done Check for Words that may introduce bias:  Done Check for Puffery (WP:PEA):  Done Check for Contentious labels (WP:LABEL):  Done Check for Unsupported attributions (WP:WEASEL):  Done Check for Expressions of doubt (WP:ALLEGED):  Done Check for Editorializing (MOS:OPED):  Done Check for Synonyms for said (WP:SAY):  Done Check for Expressions that lack precision:  Done Check for Euphemisms (WP:EUPHEMISM):  Done Check for Clichés and idioms (WP:IDIOM):  Done Check for Relative time references (WP:REALTIME):  Done Check for Neologisms (WP:PEA): None Check for Offensive material (WP:F***):  Done Check for WP:MOSFICT:  Done Check for Real-world perspective (WP:Real world):  Done Check for Primary and secondary information (WP:PASI):  Done Check for Contextual presentation (MOS:PLOT):  Done

WP:EMBED:
Done Prose is preferred over list (WP:PROSE): Check for Tables (MOS:TABLES):

2: Verifiable with no original research

• a. Has an appropriate reference section: Yes
• b. Citation to reliable sources where necessary: excellent (Thorough check on Google.)

WP:RS:

Done Check for WP:RS:  Done Cross-checked with the other FAs: Edmund Herring, Neil Hamilton Fairley, Landing at Nadzab, Albert Kesselring, James Whiteside McCay, Harry Chauvel, Thomas C. Kinkaid, Leslie Groves, J. Robert Oppenheimer, Kenneth Walker, Thomas Blamey, Douglas MacArthur, Frank Berryman, James B. Conant, Iven Mackay, Walter Krueger, Vernon Sturdee, Enrico Fermi, Niels Bohr Check for the material (WP:RSVETTING): (contentious)  Done Is it contentious?: Yes Does the ref indeed support the material?: Check for the author (WP:RSVETTING):  Done Who is the author?: Does the author have a Wikipedia article?: What are the author's academic credentials and professional experience?: What else has the author published?: Is the author, or this work, cited in other reliable sources? In academic works?: Check for the publication (WP:RSVETTING):  Done Check for Self-published sources (WP:SPS):

WP:MINREF:
Done Check for inline citations WP:MINREF:  Done Check for Direct quotations:  Done Check for Likely to be challenged:  Done Check for Contentious material about living persons (WP:BLP): NA

• c. No original research:  Done

WP:NOR:
Done Check for primary sources (WP:PRIMARY):  Done Check for synthesis (WP:SYN):  Done Check for original images (WP:OI):  Done

3: Broad in its coverage

a. Major aspects:

Done Cross-checked with the other FAs: Edmund Herring, Neil Hamilton Fairley, Landing at Nadzab, Albert Kesselring, James Whiteside McCay, Harry Chauvel, Thomas C. Kinkaid, Leslie Groves, J. Robert Oppenheimer, Kenneth Walker, Thomas Blamey, Douglas MacArthur, Frank Berryman, James B. Conant, Iven Mackay, Walter Krueger, Vernon Sturdee, Enrico Fermi, Niels Bohr Check for Article scope as defined by reliable sources: Check for The extent of the subject matter in these RS: Check for Out of scope: Check for The range of material that belongs in the article: Check for All material that is notable is covered: Check for All material that is referenced is covered: Check for All material that a reader would be likely to agree matches the specified scope is covered: Check for The most general scope that summarises essentially all knowledge: Check for Stay on topic and no wandering off-topic (WP:OFFTOPIC):

b. Focused:
Done Check for Readability issues (WP:LENGTH): Check for Article size (WP:TOO LONG!):

4: Neutral

WP:NPOV:

Done 4. Fair representation without bias:  Done Check for POV (WP:YESPOV):  Done Check for naming (WP:POVNAMING):  Done Check for structure (WP:STRUCTURE):  Done Check for Due and undue weight (WP:DUE):  Done Check for Balancing aspects (WP:BALASPS):  Done Check for Giving "equal validity" (WP:VALID):  Done Check for Balance (WP:YESPOV):  Done Check for Impartial tone (WP:IMPARTIAL):  Done Check for Describing aesthetic opinions (WP:SUBJECTIVE):  Done Check for Words to watch (WP:YESPOV):  Done Check for Attributing and specifying biased statements (WP:ATTRIBUTEPOV):  Done Check for Fringe theories and pseudoscience (WP:PSCI): None Check for Religion (WP:RNPOV): None

5: Stable: No edit wars, etc: Yes

6: Images  Done (PD)

Images:

Done 6: Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:  Done Check for copyright tags (WP:TAGS):  Done Check for copyright status:  Done Check for non-free content (WP:NFC):  Done Check for valid fair use rationales (WP:FUR):  Done 6: Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:  Done Check for image relevance (WP:IMAGE RELEVANCE):  Done Check for Images for the lead (WP:LEADIMAGE):  Done Check for suitable captions (WP:CAPTION):  Done

I'm glad to see your work here. I do have some insights based on the above checklist that I think will improve the article:

• I think the lead can be improved in order to provide an accessible overview and to give relative emphasis.
• I think the first three paragraphs of Later life can be merged as they are too short and develop the same idea.
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
• "He attended New York University, which awarded him his Bachelor of Science and Doctor of Philosophy degrees." (Can you rephrase it in a way different from "him his … degrees"?)
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
• "His thesis, on "The Resonance Processes in the Disintegration of Boron by Protons",[2] formed the basis of a paper on the subject published in the Physical Review." (I think "on the subject" is redundant here.)
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
• "His research confirmed the estimates of Robert Oppenheimer and Robert Serber.[3]" (I think "supported" would be better here.)
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
• "During World War II, Waldman served in the United States Navy as an engineering officer, and was involved in base development in the United States.[4]" (I think meaning of the term "base development" is a bit unclear here.)
  • Done. But I have many articles in which I've written a section entitled "base development". Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
• "He took a leave of absence from Notre Dame University and joined Oppenheimer and Serber at the Manhattan Project's Los Alamos Laboratory in 1943,[1] where he was assigned to Norman F. Ramsey's E-7 Group, which was part of the Ordnance (O) Division responsible for "integration of design and delivery"." (Can you break this sentence at "where" into simpler sentences?)
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)
• "He was then assigned to Project Alberta.[5][6] As such, he participated in the atomic bombing of Hiroshima, as a camera operator on the observation aircraft." (Do you think "Project Alberta" needs to be explained by adding "which was …" because "As such …" in the next sentence is a bit unclear?)
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)

Besides that, I think the article looks excellent. Hawkeye7, please feel free to strike out any recommendation you think will not help in improving the article. All the best, --Seabuckthorn ♥ 23:10, 20 February 2014 (UTC)

• All points addressed. Thanks for your review. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:01, 21 February 2014 (UTC)

• Thanks, Hawkeye7, very much for your diligence and dedication. --Seabuckthorn ♥ 22:52, 21 February 2014 (UTC)

Promoting the article to GA status. --Seabuckthorn ♥ 22:52, 21 February 2014 (UTC)

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