one thing to bare in mind, Sudan is not the US when it comes to coverage. Even now, it is really hard to get any information, if does not relate to war or massacre. The sources listed in the article, is almost any and every article that mentioned Malwal, ever. I have even read Malwal autobiography but there he still focused on his opinion of the events, and not what was going on the ground.
Thanks for calling that out I will certainly keep that in mind. I think if this captures all the available material it can certainly be considered good Czarking0 (talk) 01:44, 17 March 2024 (UTC)Reply
Thanks for your understanding. Please see my reply below in green and I took the liberty to delete what I though I have solved (feel free to double check)
I think I have covered most of your comments and waiting for you to conduct further reviews and indicate where your concerns was resolved and where you think I need to do better. Thanks to your comment the article size has increased by 20%
I moved the review forward a bit. I wonder if there are more sources on his government duties in arabic texts or another language but I do not speak any that will be of use here. Czarking0 (talk) 21:15, 17 March 2024 (UTC)Reply
I responded to that. I also wanted to point you toward this source which is in polish so it probably is not too helpful for us but it does cite some English sources. Part of the value of this review I think is some source material discovery. I think the Sudan project could benefit from some tips on sourcing.
"As a journalist, Malwal's began as an Information Officer in Wau from 1951 to 1961." Starting a sentence with two prepositional phrases sounds bad. Doubly so if the preposition is the same in the two phrases. 'As' in this case.
"Apart from his political engagements, Malwal worked as a senior research fellow at the Columbia University,[18] and senior research fellow (1978-1979)[2] and visiting academic at St. Antony's College, University of Oxford as part of the Sudanese Programme.[19] " This sentence doesn't make sense. My guess is that it should only say senior research fellow once?
"Additionally, among many books, Malwal authored" pick one adverb or preposition to start the sentence. I think starting with the adverb and burying the preposition sounds best.
" became a minister between May 1973 to 1978" another case of incorrect use of "became"
" Nimeiry was able to rally the nation via Radio Juba and his government was narrowly saved after a column of army tanks entered the city." Not clear whose side the tanks are on here.
"Malwal did not join the Sudan People's Liberation Movement (SPLM) since its founding in 1983." 'Since' does not make sense here
"But he recon" don't start sentences with conjunctions
The Political Career section is odd to have the single sentence before the Nimeiri Era. There is certainly more of note to say. How was he elected? Who ran against him? How much did he win by? What did he run on? Who supported him? When we was dismissed was that normal? Who else was dismissed alongside him? What did he do during office? Did he give any notable speeches or sponsor bills?
again, this is Sudan, it is tough to find information online about revolutions let alone a member of the parliament, but I tried to find more but could not find more details
"After he was released, he fled to the UK and the US, where he opposed Sadiq al Mahdi's government and testified in front the US Congress about Slavery in Sudan in 1987.[31]" This sentence covers two events which are three years apart and it should be split into two.
"He also stood for election for" not clear whom 'He' refers to here.
I think Jieng Council of Elders should have its own page and here we can just say that Bona Malwal is a member of the council. Unless there are notable things that he did on the council that should be specifically called out.
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
Team, Editorial (1 July 2015). "Jieng Council of Elders leading figure wanted by Juba Court for failing to pay Hotel bills". Nyamilepedia. Archived from the original on 8 May 2021. Retrieved 18 March 2024. Is not a reputable source [1]
how did you come to this conclusion? could not find any thing that support this assertion. Radio Tamazuj, Radio Dabanga, Sudan Tribune, Sudans Post, Nyamilepedia and Paanluel Wel Media are the main active news outlet in South Sudan, see VOA and Human Rights Watch. I understand that you might not like how they write but I never used Nyamilepedia in isolation but rather when they converge our supplement. These are news outlet constantly harassed by the government so I am not sure why are you dismissing them. I tried to see what Ground Newssays about Nyamilepedia but unsurprisingly there is nothing, yet.
Done .. sorry missed the source. Removed any text that is sources to Nyamilepedia. Well spot!
"he resigned in protest against the shift to Sharia law" Book citations should have page numbers. What is verifiable here that he resigned or that it was in protest?
both
"In March 2009, al-Bashir became the first sitting head of state to be indicted by the ICC, for allegedly directing a campaign of mass killing, rape, and pillage against civilians in Darfur." This failed verification. Also is it really still "allegedly" when the charges were introduced 15 years ago? I would think this is resolved. ICC charges are very notable and the resolution should be mentioned. Malwal's opposition to the charges was mentioned. What about his reaction to the outcome?
removed allegedly, and mentioned the indictment. However, no source for Malwal -additional- reaction following that
What is up with there being multiple birth dates? He does not know when he was born?
not for me to comment that why I shared the information with the sources with the reader. all of these came from good sources but I put the one that is cited frequently. There is also a dispute about where he studied
"He is from the Dinka ethnic group and is the son of a Gogrial Dinka chief." Is marked with the source: Deng, Francis Mading (2022). A Personal Perspective on the Ngok-Twic Conflict in Abyei (Report). Sudd Institute. Searching this doc I see no mention of Bona Malwal or Gogrial. What is up with that?
that is actually not true, The Guardian article verify this information. The source you mentioned, include a mention about Malawal where it states "... Madut Ring, the father of Bona Malwal and then Chief of Kuac (Twic), ...". Gogrial contains Twic
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
Books should have page citations
Done
This source needs page citations: Galander, Mahmoud M. (2001). Mass Media in Sudan: Towards History of Media-politics Interplay. IIUM Press. ISBN 978-983-9727-22-7.
this is an article from the International Islamic University Malaysia Communication in the Muslim World Occassional paper series but I removed the source as I lifted this sentence from The Vigilant article.
This source needs page citations: Johnson, Douglas Hamilton (2003). The Root Causes of Sudan's Civil Wars. International African Institute. ISBN 978-0-85255-392-3.
Doneit is included. as this book is used twice, I added the page number using template after the citation, for example in the paragraph at start of the "Political career" section
"The JCE is often accused of being behind hardline SPLM policies". I took this quote from your second source to mean JCE is anti-SPLM? "According to the official, those who ousted Machar were “self-interest” groups who intend to destroy the SPLM/A-IO leadership." I don't think its fair to say they are often accused when neither of these sources say that, there are only two of them, and they are both talking about the same incidence. I think a better summary would be "the JCE was behind the ousting of former government officials connected to former Vice President Machar (bluetext). They claim to advance these policies in the name of peace and the prosperity of the Dinka people in South Sudan".
JCE is pro SPLM and anti SPLM-IO. There are three sources including openDemocracy but let me think of a better summary
sorry I am not too familar with Sudanese politics so I did not understand the distinction.
I think it’s irrelevant now since I moved the JCE to a separate page as you requested
This source is an opinion piece which is not disclosed in the article text: Ettore, Alma Ettore (26 February 2021). "Opinion | JCE: The axis of evil governing the country by proxy". Sudans Post . I think this is too far into the opinion category for it to be considered a good source. It reads like something my Aunt would post on facebook about Trump.
lol I hope your aunt is not into South Sudan politics. Anyway, removed ref and related text.
The source is still linked. If you search "axis of evil" you will see where.
Done
This is press release not original reporting from the Sudan Tribune. "Following Garang death in 2005, it was reported by Sudan Tribune that Malwal attended Garang's funeral 'to laugh at his dead body'". I think the attribution should be changed from Sudan Tribune to "an official press release from the Chairman of Dinka Caucus of Mainstream Democratic Forum in U.S.A.".
"Malwal completed a diploma in journalism from Indiana University in 1963, followed by a bachelor degree in economics and a Master of Arts in journalism and communications both from Columbia University in 1969" Does he have any writing on the impact of his education on his career or outlook? This is very little info for a significant period of his life
if I may say, finding these details about a (South) Sudanese early life is really difficult. I scanned Malwal memoir and couple of sources about his early life, and they give far less information
1969-1972 there is a three year gap
agree, found/added some trivia but no detailed coverage about this
Not a single detail of what he did as minister of culture
I cannot even find a document about the government cabinet during that time. Even now, it is difficult to pin point who is the minister, forget what they did
No details on what he did in the national assembly from 1974-1976
same but added information for the period between 1974 to 1976
No mention of what he is doing in the 90's expect that he worked at Sudan Democratic Gazette. Are there articles of note in this time period?
found/added more information about 1990s, especially interviews
No mention of what he did in 2003 and 2004
found/added some trivia about 2003 and 2004
3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
Is it accurate to say his opposition to authoritarian regimes? It sounds like he was an al-Bashir supporter and al-Bashir was authoritarian?
Donetrue. I amended the sentence to read "Malwal co-founded the Southern Front, served in the national assembly, and held ministerial positions, advocating for cultural, informational policies, and economic development before and during Gaafar Nimeiry's era. However, he also notably resigned in protest against the imposition of Sharia law and Arabic as Sudan's official language after the 1977 National Reconciliation, before later joining the Southern Sudan Autonomous Region's government. In the 1990s, he advocated against human right abuses in Sudan while in self-exile."
5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6.Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
No images. I expect it may be difficult to find appropriate ones but I'd like the editors to indicate that they tried
I did look, this is only picture that would have been free under Sundanese law if it were taken in Sudan, but it is not. also this screenshot] from the US seminar which licensed. I did not include other images in the article, as it will be indexed by google as being his image, so unless it is necessary, I comment it out until a proper main image is found (or he dies and then I can use a non-free image)
