Talk:Brad Miller (baseball)/GA1
Latest comment: 3 years ago by Sanfranciscogiants17 in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 12:54, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
I will be reviewing this. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 12:54, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
References
edit- Ref 7 lists the newspaper as The Seattle Times, but references 27 and 49 list it as just Seattle Times.
Done looks like it's The Seattle Times, per WL — GhostRiver 22:51, 8 August 2021 (UTC)
- If you can, Ref 68 would be good to archive, as MLB.com doesn’t seem to save articles forever.
- Other than that, Refs look good!
Lead
edit- ”Miller was traded to the Rays prior to the 2016 season, and spent the next two years first at the team's shortstop, then first baseman, and finally second baseman” – “Miller was traded to the Rays prior to the 2016 season, where he was used first as the starting shortstop, then as the starting first baseman, and finally as the starting second baseman.” (Assuming he was the starter—if not, replace the starting with a.)
- I would mention his career high 30 home runs in 2016.
- “Miller spent only one month within the Brewers organization before he was released from his contract and underwent microfracture surgery to repair a torn hip labrum.” – “Miller spent only one month with the Brewers before getting released. He then underwent microfracture surgery to repair a torn hip labrum.”
- ”and elected free agency after he was designated for assignment by the Indians” – “and played for the Indians briefly before getting designated for assignment.” Makes clearer that he played in the major leagues for them. Don’t worry about leaving elected free agency out – the lead is not the place to be super-specific, and it can be inferred that he became a free agent based on what follows.
- Done went with "made a brief appearance for" instead of "played for the Indians briefly", but I think both clarify that he had some major league games there — GhostRiver 22:51, 8 August 2021 (UTC)
- ”After some time” – “After Miller spent some time”
Early life
edit- Don’t need comma after Windermere club
- ”Miller’s father Steve” – “Miller’s father, Steve,”
- Don’t need comma after Panthers
College career
edit- ”he scored 11 doubles” – “he recorded 11 doubles”
- Link double, triple, runs scored.
- ”21 bases” – “21 stolen bases”
- Don’t need comma after ACC Player of the Year
- Don’t need comma after college baseball postseason since next part isn’t an independent clause.
- Link hit
Minor league career
edit- ”and quickly rose to the top of the batting statistics with a .415 average in his first 14 professional games.” – “and batted .415 in his first 14 professional games.” 14 games played wouldn’t be enough to lead the batting statistics.
- Done Reworded to "made a quick impression", because his fast start was noted by journalists — GhostRiver 23:17, 8 August 2021 (UTC)
- Link Pedro Grifol
- Don’t need comma after All-Star team
- Don’t need comma after 186
- Who ranked him the ninth-highest prospect? Milb.com and Baseball America have different orders sometimes.
- ”to play for the in the” – USA, I presume
- Link pitcher
Seattle Mariners
edit- ”score a hit” – “record a hit”
- ”following Nick Franklin as the second Mariner rookie to score his first two career home runs in the same night” – “making him the second Mariner rookie behind childhood friend Franklin to hit his first two career home runs in the same game.”
- Franklin’s mentioned in the early life section, so you don’t need to link him again.
- ”scored both a” – “recorded both a”
- ”coming in 76” – Don’t need coming
- ”Going into the 2014 season, Miller's position as the Mariners' starting shortstop was put into question by the signing of Robinson Cano, which in turn pushed second baseman Nick Franklin into competition for the role” – “In 2014, the Mariners signed Robinson Cano to play second base. That put Miller into competition with childhood friend Nick Franklin for the everyday shortstop position.”
- Done Reworded slightly from your suggestion, especially since "childhood friend Franklin" was mentioned earlier, but still following those broad strokes — GhostRiver 23:17, 8 August 2021 (UTC)
- Right. I think I was reviewing this portion out of order and hadn't yet noticed the earlier instance where you could put childhood friend. That makes more sense! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 01:14, 9 August 2021 (UTC)
- Again, no need to link Franklin
- ”His performance” – you do refer to Miller later in the sentence, but probably best to say “Miller’s performance”, to make it clear right away who you’re referring to. Then, change “won Miller” to “won him”
- Might be a good idea to mention the first AL Player of the Week award. When you do, link American League and put the AL abbreviation after it.
- Done Apparently I decided not to do that earlier because the MLB.com announcement was a dead link, but I found an archive of it — GhostRiver 23:17, 8 August 2021 (UTC)
- ”at center field” – “in center field”
Tampa Bay Rays
edit- Link first baseman
- ”stumbled defensively” – probably should put “struggled defensively”, stumbled might be taken too literally.
- Done I mean, presumably he literally stumbled as well! — GhostRiver 23:17, 8 August 2021 (UTC)
- ” his performance was stronger, as he set the franchise record for most single-season home runs”
- Also, that sentence isn’t accurate—Evan Longoria’s hit over 30 home runs for the Rays multiple times. If he moved to first base later in the year, he probably didn’t hit 30 home runs at any specific position. Should probably change this to read that he set a career high with 30 home runs.
- I looked back to the source and found that it was a shortstop-specific record, so I clarified in the article — GhostRiver 23:17, 8 August 2021 (UTC)
- Any highlights from the year? It looks like 2016 was his best season.
- Found a uniquely-placed homer, plus his 30th of the season! — GhostRiver 23:17, 8 August 2021 (UTC)
- Delink 2017 MLB season, since the years are not linked for the most part.
- ”make room in the 25-man roster” – “make room on the 25-man roster”
Milwaukee Brewers
edit- ”his Brewers contract” – “his Brewers tenure”
- Take the comma out after Sky Sox
- ” Miller scored an RBI in the second walk-off walk of his career” – “Miller recorded the second walk-off-walk of his career”
- Also, mention the first one wherever it happened.
- Stats with the Brewers?
2019
edit- Since Miller only played in the majors with two of the teams, I would merge the Dodgers section with the Indians section (titled simply, Cleveland Indians) and the Yankees section with the Phillies section (titled simply, Philadelphia Phillies, first stint)
- ”with an anticipation” – “with the expectation”
- Link opening day (first mention)
- If you merge the sections, probably don’t need 2019 in the Indians paragraph.
- ” On March 24, 2019, Miller signed a one-year, $1 million contract with the Cleveland Indians, where he was expected to replace an injured Jason Kipnis at second base” – He did indeed fill in for Kipnis as the starting second baseman, according to [1]. So what I would do is end the first sentence after Indians, then make the next sentence, “He began the season as the Indians’ second baseman, filling in for an injured Jason Kipnis.” Then, make the third sentence, “When Kipnis returned on May 15, Miller was designated for assignment.” Start the fourth sentence, “Miller was frustrated with the team’s choices, telling reporters…”
- ”the injured list” – “New York’s injured list”
- Believe it or not, this is the first time since the lead that infielder has been used, so go ahead and link it.
- Phillies section looks good!
St. Louis Cardinals
edit- ”had not been” – “had never been”.
- ”hit two home runs and seven RBIs” – “hit two home runs and recorded seven RBIs”
- ” 23 game hits were the highest that season” – “23 hits were the highest in a game that season”. Also, specify if this was the most in a Cardinals game or the most in an MLB game.
Second stint with the Phillies
edit- I would call this section Philadelphia Phillies, second stint (or call the first section First stint with the Phillies)
- ”with the Phillies” – “to return to the Phillies”
- Delink Cubs, already mentioned
- Don’t need the comma after Miller’s career
- Exact date of the walkoff grand slam?
Player profile
edit- Delink American League, since already linked earlier.
- The way the section is currently written, it looks like Goldschmidt may have given him the gloves in addition to the mitt. Perhaps put “three different baseball gloves, as well as a first baseman’s mitt given to him by Paul Goldschmidt, depending”
Personal life
edit- Looks good!
Another great article from you. Just some mostly minor changes. Let me know once you’ve made them! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 23:56, 5 August 2021 (UTC)
- Sanfranciscogiants17 Thank you for the review – I believe everything has been addressed! If I'd been chipping away at this yesterday, I'd say something about how I brought Brad luck, but he went 0-for-3 today. Silly me, all I got at the park was, uh, (checks notes) a complete game shutout from Zack Wheeler. — GhostRiver 23:38, 8 August 2021 (UTC)
- I'm sure Miller'd be happier going 0 for 3 in a win than 4 for 4 in a loss any day! Article looks great now, passing. Well done once again! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 01:18, 9 August 2021 (UTC)