Talk:Butterfly (Mariah Carey song)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer:  Candyo32 00:52, 23 November 2010 (UTC)

Sorry it took so long. I just kept putting it off for so long, but I won't ever hold of on another one this long! :)

Background

• The whole quote should be in quotes and quotes within that quote denoted with 'dlfkajlsdk'
• Uncap magnum opus.

Composition

• Link pop, gospel and R&B.

Critical reception

• Good

Chart performance

• What rules kept it from charting?
• As she reaches the properties outskirts, Carey mounts a horse; which assists her in jumping over the barbed fence. --> replace ; with ,

Live performances

• Usage of "older" is iffy, maybe "previous" instead?

Good work, easy fixes, and on the way to GA! Candyo32 - Merry CHRISTmas :) 23:47, 12 December 2010 (UTC)

Thanks Candy. I'm all done. I really don't want to touch the wuote, it isn't breaking any rules and is a direct quote from her. Thanks :)--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 04:58, 13 December 2010 (UTC)

Well its not that it is a direct quote, it is just that quotes " " cannot be inside " " quotes, therefore the usage of ' '. I'll makes some more fixes as it meets the GA criteria, and nothing critical is going on that needs to be addressed such as in a FAC. Good job. I'll fix the quote and a few grammar issues. Candyo32 - Merry CHRISTmas :) 23:19, 13 December 2010 (UTC)

Oh okay. Thank you :)--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 23:22, 13 December 2010 (UTC)

Further comments

• "As she reaches the properties outskirts, Carey mounts a horse; which assists her in jumping over the barbed fence." Needs rewriting for grammar and clarity.
• "The video drew many comparisons to the rumors of Carey's deteriorating marriage at the time." Completely ungrammatical.
• "The video begins with with scenes of a man's man leaving his home one early morning; only his feet are shown." "man's man?
• "As she walks down the stairs, Carey sits on the staircase, lamenting in agony at her loneliness." ???? This is extremely poor prose.
• "On September 17th," see MoS on dates.
• "The song was sung during her Butterfly World Tour in 1998, throughout every show." Really? One song sung throughout every show?
• "The performance featured the same musicians on set, with the exception of Afanasieff, who was absent." Well, if he was absent he couldn't have performed, could he? Poor rpose.
• "The performances served as the closing song on the set-list" What the whole performance was the closing song. What is meant here?
• "Similar props and set-up were used for the following shows of the tour, with the addition on the "Fly Away (Butterfly Reprise)" addition at the show's finale." Meaningless, almost garbage.
• See Wikipedia:MOS#Quotations, the section about quotations within quotations.
• "After contemplating on the matter, Carey re-wrote "Fly Away" in ballad form, and incorporated new lyrics and vocals." "After contemplating on"?
• "Due to current conflict with Columbia, "Butterfly" was never issued a commercial release, therefore hindering its charting ability." "never issued a commercial release"? Al;so, if it was never released commercially, how come the infobox has label as Columbia and format as CD single?

On the basis of the above, I would recommend a fail on the grounds of extremely poorly written prose. This should never have been nominated with out being copy-edited. WP:GAN nominees should meet the Ga criteria. It is a waste of everyone's time nominating sub-standard material. Jezhotwells (talk) 11:37, 13 December 2010 (UTC)

I've made fixes concerning the grammar and quotation problems you have noted. Any other opinions on the prose might hinder it if this were FAC, but the article seems to meet general GAN criteria. Candyo32 - Merry CHRISTmas :) 23:25, 13 December 2010 (UTC)

Did anyone ask for you're nasty and rude opinion and/or comments. Didn't think so.--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 22:46, 13 December 2010 (UTC)