Talk:CMS Enhancements

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A fact from CMS Enhancements appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 27 December 2022 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:

Did you know... that hard drive reseller CMS Enhancements nearly went bankrupt while attempting to enter the personal computer systems market amid a price war?

A record of the entry may be seen at Wikipedia:Recent additions/2022/December. The nomination discussion and review may be seen at Template:Did you know nominations/CMS Enhancements.

Wikipedia

Did you know nomination

Latest comment: 1 year ago5 comments3 people in discussion

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by SL93 (talk) 20:11, 21 December 2022 (UTC)Reply

(

Comment or view
Article history

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... that hard drive reseller CMS Enhancements twice tried producing complete personal computers? Source: "CMS Enhancements Struggles to Recover From Series of Costly Blunders" ; "CMS shuts division, focuses on high-end VARs" (subscription required)
- Reviewed: Template:Did you know nominations/Nihon Sho Gakko fire

Moved to mainspace by DigitalIceAge (talk). Self-nominated at 02:28, 1 December 2022 (UTC).Reply

General: Article is new enough and long enough
New enough: Long enough:

Policy: Article is sourced, neutral, and free of copyright problems
Adequate sourcing: Neutral: Free of copyright violations, plagiarism, and close paraphrasing:

Hook eligibility:

Cited:
Interesting: - see comments

QPQ: Done.

Overall: @DigitalIceAge: Good article. However, the hook doesn't seem all that interesting and the hook's grammar doesn't seem correct. Could you provide a different hook? Onegreatjoke (talk) 14:37, 2 December 2022 (UTC)Reply

@Onegreatjoke: Thanks for the review! How about ALT1: ... that hard drive reseller CMS Enhancements nearly went bankrupt attempting to enter the personal computer systems market amid a price war?

DigitalIceAge (talk) 23:26, 3 December 2022 (UTC)Reply

That hook is better.

Approving alt1. Onegreatjoke (talk) 23:30, 3 December 2022 (UTC)Reply

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