Talk:Canterbury Mounted Rifles Regiment/GA1

Latest comment: 10 years ago by Jim Sweeney in topic GA Review

GA Review

edit

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 07:18, 6 January 2014 (UTC)Reply

I'll start this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 07:18, 6 January 2014 (UTC)Reply

  • Add commas after "which" and the second "division" New Zealand and Australian Division which along with the 1st Division
  • OK, I'll bite, what happened? The regiment's first casualty of the war came on 15 March, when a trooper was burying some Australian dead that had drifted ashore.
  • midnight 18/19 midnight "on"
  • I'd delete his name here: commanding officer Findlay
  • missing a comma after command: second in command Major Overton. More later.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 03:56, 9 January 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • All the above   Done except for the burial party mystery. Incidentally, Findlay reappears later as The commanding officer Findlay, was invested as... in the Honours section at the end; I wonder if there's sufficient context to trim this the other way round, i.e. to "Findlay was invested as..."? --Demiurge1000 (talk) 05:08, 9 January 2014 (UTC)Reply
The source does not clarify what happened to him so I have taken that line out.
  • Fix the names of the further information links like First battle of Gaza. Battle should be capitalized as a proper noun.
  • I suggest reordering the clauses in this sea south of Gaza following the route of the road to Beersheba so that "following the route..." comes last.
  • I liked the maps of the individual battles, but can you add a map of Palestine so the reader can see the relationship between Jerusalem, Jericho, etc.?
Added one that covers all the main Palestinian battle areas, which I thing works