Talk:Carnie Wilson: Unstapled/GA1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 02:04, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• Grabbing this for a review if that is okay with you. Aoba47 (talk) 02:04, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

Lead and infobox

• For a majority of television show articles that I have worked on, the first line or two usually identifies the airdates and the network. I would move up this information to the second sentence as it is somewhat buried in the paragraph.

•  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• Is “Southern” supposed to be capitalized? It just seems a little odd to me as it is not necessarily a proper noun per say.

•  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• For this part (host of Game Show Network's (GSN) The Newlywed Game,), I would remove the network in front of the show’s title, as it somewhat awkwardly divides this part visually up, and put a short descriptive phrase in front of the show’s title to identify it for an unfamiliar reader (i.e. game show or something along those lines).

•  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• For this part (as she strives to lose excessive weight that she has gained over the past decade), I would just say (as she strives to lose excessive weight gained over the past decade) for more concise language.

•  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• I would change this part (after the series aired) to (after the series was broadcast) as you already used the word “aired” in the previous sentence.

•  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• I would add in the lead that it was produced by World of Wonder.

•  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• Please add ALT text for the infobox image.

•  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

Format

• For this part (see some of the struggles she attempts to lose), I believe you need “as” between “struggles” and “she”.

•  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• For this part (50 pounds of weight), I do not think that the “of weight” part is necessary.

•  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• Do you have any. Information on what exactly “The Fresh Diet” is? It may be helpful to gaining a better understanding of the show.

• Not that I could find, other than that I suppose either it doesn't work or Wilson didn't hold to it... --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

Production

• Link GSN upon its first use in the body of the article. I would also spell it out on its first use in the article as well.

•  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• For this part (Wilson herself expressed excitement at the prospect), I do not believe that “herself” is necessary”.

•  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• Are you using the Oxford comma in this article? There are spots where you use it (make scheduled appearances The Dr. Oz Show, Access Hollywood, and The Wendy Williams Show to promote the series) and spots where you do not use it (balance her life as a game show hostess, entertainer, wife and mother of two daughters). Please be consistent one way or the other.

•  Fixed. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• Is there any more information about the settlement?

• Not that I could find. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

Episodes

• I believe that episode summaries would be necessary here if possible.

• If you can find anything, please let me know. I've searched and searched but cannot find a single database that contains summaries. If it would be better to remove the table, I'm not opposed to that. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

Reception

• For this part (Hollywood Junket was), I would say something along the lines either (a reviewer for the Hollywood Junket was) or (a writer for the Hollywood Junket was).

•  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• For this part (Wilson herself was unhappy after taping the show), I do not believe that “herself” is needed.

•  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

References

• I believe that the entries for the work/publisher entries need to be linked for every reference.

•  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• I think that the Daily Mail has been considered unreliable in the past.

•  Removed. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• Would any of these sources (12345678910) be helpful for the article?

• You are amazing.  Added all except the FCC one; seems to be like a massive collection of information that contains nothing we can't find elsewhere would be a bit unnecessary here. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

Final comments

• Wonderful work with this! I will pass this as a GA once my comments are addressed. Aoba47 (talk) 02:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• @Aoba47: Thank you for this; I'll definitely take a look at something of yours if you'd like. Hopefully it's  Done. --Bcschneider53 (talk) 04:34, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

• Thank you for addressing! I will ✓ Pass this. I would greatly appreciate it if you could pick up one of my GANs, but it is not required. Hope you have a great weekend. Aoba47 (talk) 04:39, 27 January 2018 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.