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Talk:Characters of Final Fantasy XV/GA1

< Talk:Characters of Final Fantasy XV
Latest comment: 4 years ago by Judgesurreal777 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 4 years ago6 comments2 people in discussion
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Reviewer: Judgesurreal777 (talk · contribs) 14:55, 29 June 2020 (UTC)Reply


Review

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I’ll take this one, I don’t believe I have ever touched this article except for cleanup, vandalism protection or spelling stuff. Judgesurreal777 (talk) 14:55, 29 June 2020 (UTC)Reply

GA Review Template

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GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar):   b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section):   b (citations to reliable sources):   c (OR):   d (copyvio and plagiarism):  
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):   b (focused):  
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):   b (appropriate use with suitable captions):  
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:  

Ok, let’s begin!

Consider adding alt text to the images so those with low vision can get a description of what the image looks like.
Done.
LEAD - Link dragoon, in case people don’t know what that is.
Done.
LOCALIZATION - “ The localization methods also ended up backfiring due to the dialogue matching mechanism for characters causing line repetition or omission. They also needed to deal with the clash between normal dialogue and the fantastic elements, which threatened to undermine the narrative. This forced the different pieces of media to take different approaches, and some scripted character interactions to join up the different sides of the narrative.[55]”
Done.
Ok, so with this paragraph, it isn’t clear to me when the localization problems occurred, before release? After? It’s also not clear how the normal dialogue clashed with the fantastic elements, might be good to have an example if there is one. And what different approaches were taken? The whole paragraph needs some specificity.
MAIN CHARACTERS - we need more of Noctis, a few more sentences about how he was conceived, I know we have a main article, but it’s one short paragraph and then like 5-6 for the very next character.
Judgesurreal777 I can do this if you insist, but I was basing it on my work for Characters of the Final Fantasy XIII series, which didn't include that kind of info for a character with such an extensive main article
LUNA - ”her position granting limited autonomy to Tenebrae.” I’m not sure what this means, more autonomy than before? For her, from her family or her duties?
Done.
”Ring of the Lucii” - what is this, why is it worth dying for?
Done.
I would wikilink Astrals so people can look up what they are
Link to where? If you mean in the same article, I've gotten rockets for that kind of interior linking. You're sure it's necessary?
”preparing Noctis' covenants” - what does this mean? This “covenant” idea should maybe be explained, not sure what it’s about.
Done.
why is she trying to wake the astrals?
Done.
what is this about rebelling against Bahamut, needs some context.
Done.
”Stella was initially redesigned” - probably mean designed?
Done.
”One of the major changes was the replacement of Stella Nox Fleuret (above) with the similarly-named Lunafreya (below) as the main heroine.” - similarly named, their names both refer to the heavens, or objects in the heavens, do we have a source on that, or is it too obvious?
No source at all. I've adjusted it.
“ARDYN - During the ensuing fight Ardyn's beloved Aera was slain, resulting in him losing control of the plague within his body and the Crystal rejecting him.” - so is the order of events his love is slain, his plague is unleashed, then the crystal rejects him? Or did his lover being slain cause the crystal to reject him?
Done.
”truth of their kinship in Zegnautus Keep.” where is this?
Done.
”After ten years, Ardyn finally” why does 10 years go by?
Don't know. I think the devs pulled it out of a hat.
” setting the infected Ifrit and Lucii on him” - who are they?
Done.
GLADIOLOS - ”to face the Founder King's Shield Gilgamesh.[64][95][96] The events at Altissia and Ignis' injury drive a brief wedge between Gladiolus and Noctis until Ignis forces a reconciliation.[89][97] Gladiolus and Ignis later make their way through the Niflheim fortress Zegnautus Keep after being separated from Noctis, encountering the Daemon form of Emperor Aldercapt and seeing footage of Ravus' death.[82]” - what is this all about, who is Gilgamesh? The description of fortress zegnautus keep should be up where the first time it is mentioned. who is emperor Aldercapt?
Done.
IGNIS - Ignis and Gladiolus later make their way through the imperial fortress of Zegnautus Keep after being separated from Noctis, encountering the Daemon form of Emperor Aldercapt and seeing footage of Ravus' death.[82] Ignis, along with Noctis' other companions, become Daemon Hunters until his return, and accompanies him to the final battle against Ardyn.[59][69]” - this paragraph exactly repeats from the one above, and is very unclear the second time to anyone who hasn’t played the game.
Done.
“ expressed in both his looks, the way he spoke, and his gestures.” the way he spoke doesn’t fit the sentence, rephrase?
Done.
” through the least changes despite” - the fewest amount of changes?
Done.
” technological improvements during the shift between Versus XIII and Final Fantasy XV” - should probably be “improvements that occurred during...”
Done.
” As with the rest of the party, he is dressed in black due to its specific significance to the Lucian royal family.” - another word for word copied sentence from the previous character section, perhaps move to earlier and the article and say this once about all Noctic’s friends.
Done.
PROMPTO - “ encounter with an injured Pryna“ - who is pryna, did we mention this person/thing already?
Done.
” Prompto, along with Noctis' other companions, become Daemon Hunters until his return, and accompanies him to the final battle against Ardyn.” - sentence copied again, also should probably mention where Noctis went in the first explanation of this part of the story.
Done.
” expressing this in his words and actions.” what does this mean, what words, what actions?
Tried to rephrase.
” As with the rest of the party, he is dressed in black due to its specific significance to the Lucian royal family.[99]” this sentence repeats as well with all of Noctis’s friends, perhaps put it early on so it can be stated once about all the characters?
Done.
REGIS - “ but the two become estranged due to Regis's failing health to meet the Wall's energy demands.” - it’s unclear how this caused estrangement, did they not see each other? Did noctis disagree with his father doing this?
Done.
” Noctis away from Insomnia from the chaos that” - perhaps it should be “ to protect him from the chaos” etc.
Done.
” Regis dies fighting the general despite Lunafreya and Nyx Ulric” - who is Nyx Ulric?
Done.
” As with the rest of Lucis' royalty, he is dressed in black due to its specific significance.[99]” this sentence for a fourth time.
Done.
Sean Bean voiced this character, there are comments by other voiceover artists, did he have any about anything related to this work?
Nothing.
ARANEA - Wikilink dragoon, seems like a good spot to do that.
Done.
” her weapon, which was altered as it was deemed unsuitable” - do we know what was unsuitable about it?
Nope. I've put that word in quotes.
COR LEONIS - “guest character” - do we have somewhere to link this to? Not clear to the general reader what that means.
Rephrased
” and managed to cut the Blademaster's arm despite using his Genji Blade to him.” - what does “using his blade to him” mean?
That's a remnant of an old version I didn't pick up.
@Judgesurreal777: Decided to address some running stuff. On a side note about the plot-related edits...this game's story is a complete and utter mess, so I'll do my best but I can't guarantee anything. --ProtoDrake (talk) 08:18, 1 July 2020 (UTC)Reply
Good to know! Let’s continue :) :
“ancestral Royal Arms.[65][89] In Comrades,” - What are the ancestral arms? What is “Comrades”?
Added stuff about Comrades in the dev section, and explained the arms.
” Noctis on orders from Gentiana” - who is this again?
Explained who she is in Luna's bit.
” He later rallies the surviving people around Noctis when he returns, and lends him final aid” - what’s this about surviving people, what did they survive? And what does “lends them final aid” mean?
Did my best.
” role was reduced to a guest character and mentor figure for the group” - guest character again
Did my best.
” rather than have an older man changing that dynamic.” - rephrase, not well phrased
Did my best.
IRIS - ” she got into trouble wandering outside” - what did she do?
Done.
” Following Ardyn's conquest of the world and Eos' descent into eternal night,” - this is a lot of unexplained plot, maybe rewrite/reduce/cut
Done.
EMPEROR ”Niflheim as the reborn version of the Solheim civilization” - what is this about?
Done.
LIBERTUS “ learning of Drautos's secret identity Libertus returns to aid Nyx” - I see he’s listed below, but if we are reading from start to finish we don’t know who Drautos is yet, so identify.
Done.
ASTRALS - “ Lunafreya wakes and forms Covenants with the Astrals“ - what is this about covenants again?
” In Comrades, the Astrals witness Bahamut's trial of the Kingsglaives on their sacred island of Angelgard.” - whose sacred island? The Kingsglaive? The Astrals?
Done.
” while the other Astrals first aid in the assault” - probably can cut “first”
Done.
” inspired by the Fabula Nova Crystallis” - probably a good time to wikilink this series name.
It's linked in the Creation and development section
” were present alongside the summons,” what does this mean
From all I've gathered, it means they were two distinct existences.
” In gameplay, four of the summons—Titan, Ramuh, Leviathan and Shiva—act as regular summons during the game, triggering based on the local environment and Noctis's situation.” - Should avoid saying summons twice if possible. Also triggering feels awkward, perhaps “which are triggered”?
Done.
” Ifrit warmed her heart,” - romantic, but unless it literally happened this way, it should be made more encyclopedic in tone
Done.
” Her faith in humanity was rekindled by Lunafreya, and she willingly aided Noctis through his quest.” - we just established that Ifrit did this, so we should probably say “was further rekindled”
Done.
” Her Astral body was attacked upon awakening at Ifrit's infection, and felled by Niflheim's troops.” - I get what it’s trying to say, but it’s so awkward, needs clarity.
Done.
” to the citadel and deals the finishing blow to Ifrit.” - what’s the context of any of this? Why are we fighting ifrit, because of the infection? What citadel?
Done.
” she directly rebels against Ifrit out of liking for Lunafreya and Noctis.” - “out of a liking for”
This was just a big bobo on my part. She rebels against Bahamut, not Ifrit.
” humanity's betrayal turns him hostile.” - did we ever establish why humanity betrayed the gods?
Nope.
” becoming enthralled to the Starscourge.” - did we ever establish what exactly the starscourge is or where it came from or who caused it?
No, and neither does the game. See what I meant about the story being a mess? I've did my best to explain it in Noctis's section without getting into overly-long explanations
” She is awakened from beneath Altissia” - did we establish what this place was?
Done.
” Located outside the town of Lestallum,” - like on the outskirts?
Done.
” Noctis acquires him by completing a trial in the region fo Duscae,[65] and aids with the other Astrals during Noctis's final battle.[60]” - should probably be “and joins with the other” and “region of Duscae”
Done.
MINOR CHARACTERS - “Loqi helps rescue Solara“ - we didn’t establish who Solara is yet, so say
Done.
” but apparently manifests for Prompto” - does he, or doesn’t he?
Done. And it's she. I've clarified that.
” Umbra continues to watch Noctis during his final battle.[60]” - he watches him, or helps him in battle?
Clarified.
” young Noctis through a small mascot to guard his dreams.” - what does this mean
Done.
” Carbuncle also featured” - perhaps “was also featured”
Done.
Is there any physical description of what a carbuncle is?
No.
” version of a recurring character in the series.[131]” - what series?
Done.
” and grants him his favour and one of the weapons he took from a warrior before him.” - before who? Rewrite this
Done.
” Somnus's Mystic form aids in destroying the Starscourge.” - what is his “mystic” form?
Done.
” Her death would play a vital role in Ardyn's vendetta against Somnus's bloodline and once Ardyn realizes she knew the Astrals' plans for him after learning his predestined role and death from Bahamut, his vendetta only worsened and expanded to her bloodline.” - this should probably be two sentences and totally rewritten for clarity.
Removed.
” she is rescued from Gralea by Aranea ” - what is Gralea?
Done.
”Ten years later, she has become an experienced Daemon hunter, and helps the revived Lunafreya after she first wakes, ultimately helping her escape to Insomnia.” - first awakes? And needs rewriting, perhaps “during the next ten years she becomes an...”
Done.


RECEPTION - “ Top 75 of NHK’s All-Final Fantasy Grand Poll of Japanese players in 2020 - should the poll be in quotations?
Done.
”and felt other characters were appreciated despite a lack of development” - were appreciated by who?
Done.
” but faulted with minimal representation of supporting characters despite portrayals in additional media.” - what does this mean?
Done.
”and its romancic elements” - romantic
Done.
” Compared to his opinion on the storyline and heavy criticism of its treatment of supporting characters, Hardcore Gamer's Adam Beck said the main cast "serve strong character building and chemistry".[143]” - I don’t like this sentence, it feels backwards and has me wondering from the start who the “his” is. Also, the quote must be cut off because it doesn’t make sense.
Done.
” handling of secondary characters.” - should probably “of the secondary characters”
Done.
wiki link “damsel-in-distress.”
Done.
” In his review of the movie,” - what movie?
Done.
” Ashley Oh felt a lack of character development compared to other Final Fantasy narratives” - “felt there was a lack” maybe?
Done.
” while in contrast GamesRadar praised its cast as relatable.” - I’m not sure this is a contrast, imagine a character could be both underdeveloped and relatable, so probably needs to be changed.
Done.
” Michelle Nguyen of Geek.com, a feature following the release of the anime's third episode, enjoyed the camaradere between the leads despite disliking the lack of female characters, and particularly praising Prompto's episode for fleshing out his character.” - what does “a feature following the release” mean? And I think it should be “praised Prompto‘s” Finally, the use of “particularly” is odd, lets change that. And why is there a comma after Geek.com?
Rewritten.
” Writing about Episode Gladiolus, Andrew Webster of The Verge faulted the lack of the main game's camaradere between the party members.” - This is a very awkward sentence, let’s change this.
Done.
” and Ignis's portrayal.” - need an “as well as Ignis’s portrayal” for clarity.”
Done.
” alterante storyline featured in the DLC - “alternate”
Done.
” with particular attention drawn to Episode Ardyn and its anime tie-in.” - this is not clear
Done, I think.
” commenting that his characterization in the expanded media as outstanding and that his rage at the royal bloodline of the kingdom of Lucis "fully justified".” - it should be “is outstanding” and “kingdom of Lucis is “fully justified”
Rewritten. That was left over from an old version.
” described Ardyn as a smarmy "jester of a villain" who "dances circles around Noctis".” - what is this quote intended to convey? I can’t tell if it’s a compliment or a criticism, or what’s the point of it.
This was someone else's addition, written without context. The writer had a negative opinion of the character, and I've clarified that. I've also added an extra review to add more stuff specifically about Episode Ardyn.
REFERENCES - what is Note B? I can’t read Japanese this well yet, and why isn’t a seeming RS formatted like a reference? It won’t help readers in Japanese either :)
This is from a contentious discussion a few years ago about whether Final Fantasy XV could still be considered a part of Fabula Nova Crystallis. That quote from the Famitsu article says that while specifics were dropped, the lore was used as a foundation for XV's rewritten stuff. Because of conflicting statements on the subject, it was a confusing issue. I can remove this if you like, but it passed well enough in the game's Dev article and other places I've used it.
Are these all reliable sources? Many I recognize, any that are used specially, or of unknown quality?
They're all reliable, from the production team, or admissible due to being interviews and similar which aren't anywhere else. Wikipedia didn't kick up a fuss, so I'm leaving them in.

Judgesurreal777 (talk) 02:56, 3 July 2020 (UTC)Reply

@Judgesurreal777: I hope I've addressed all of the above satisfactorily. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:44, 3 July 2020 (UTC)Reply
I am indeed most satisfied! I shall pass it! My FA advice is to continue to read the article through as someone who has never heard of any of this, and keep massaging the prose to match that audience. Awesome work! Judgesurreal777 (talk) 11:28, 3 July 2020 (UTC)Reply
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