Talk:Charles Green (Australian soldier)/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 01:18, 19 November 2020 (UTC)

I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:18, 19 November 2020 (UTC)

• No DABs, exterior links work
• Images properly licensed
• The lede is way too detailed, needs to be severely trimmed.

Disagree, I have trimmed slightly, but the article is around 23,000 characters, and the guidance at MOS:LEADLENGTH for an article of this size is two to three paras. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 02:33, 27 November 2020 (UTC)

I'm not talking about the number of paragraphs, but rather of the excessive details within them. The lede is supposed to be a summary, but you're including stuff best reserved for the main body as well as being unnecessarily wordy.

After the action at Pineios Gorge on 18 April 1941, now-Captain Green and many other members of his unit became separated from the battalion main body, and Green joined a group that avoided capture and made its his way through the Aegean Islands, through Turkey, to Palestine, to rejoin the reformed 2/2nd Battalion.

Done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 05:07, 27 November 2020 (UTC)

After a few months garrisoning captured Vichy Syria, during which Green was promoted to major, the 2/2nd Battalion returned to Australia in August 1942 via Ceylon (modern Sri Lanka), to fight the Japanese

Done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 05:07, 27 November 2020 (UTC)

At the time, the unit was training in Queensland.

It is necessary as otherwise a reader might think it was fighting the Japanese when he rejoined it. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 05:07, 27 November 2020 (UTC)

Granted, but thinking on it a bit more, I think that it should be folded into the preceding sentence.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 15:56, 27 November 2020 (UTC)

Green led the battalion to Korea, where the battalion landed in late September.

Done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 05:07, 27 November 2020 (UTC)

, and his career remains an inspiration to serving Australian soldiers This is almost promotional and isn't supported by anything in the main body. His qualities as a leader are, but not this.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 04:35, 27 November 2020 (UTC)

Yes it is, in "Green's career as a battalion commander in New Guinea and Korea had been "exemplary", and serving Australian soldiers remain inspired by it." in the Legacy section. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 05:01, 27 November 2020 (UTC)

Sorry, that's what I get for trying to edit during a tryptophan overload.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:59, 27 November 2020 (UTC)

• Spell out RAR on first use. More later.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 17:37, 26 November 2020 (UTC)

It is, in the first sentence of the lead and the first para of the Korean war section. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 02:33, 27 November 2020 (UTC)

Quite right, I missed it.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 04:35, 27 November 2020 (UTC)

• Aitape-Wewak campaign against the Japanese Redundant

Removed. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)

• He was enthusiastic about the sport of cricket as well as horse riding. And this is important, why?

Colour? It is included in his Australian Dictionary of Biography entry, so I think it is ok to include. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)

• Gorge and allowed were quickly overwhelmed by the larger German forces "allowed"?

Whoops, fixed. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)

• Close proximity alert for 2/11 Battalion in the 2nd para of the Aitape campaign section

Varied. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)

• battalion lost 20 killed and 29 wounded and had killed tense disagreement, be consistent

deleted "had". Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)

• 710 feature ? Like Hill 710?

It is referred to as the 710 feature in the source (Long, the official history). Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)

• Link Victoria, battery

Done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)

• The brigade then moved north under the operational control of the US 1st Cavalry Division. Proximity alert for "brigade" in the following sentence

used 27th British Commonwealth Brigade

• In confused scenes, the brigade and elements confused "fighting"?

it was mostly just confusion, they mistook each other for friendlies then many KPA surrendered, a few fought. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)

• and while this was renewed antecedent unclear--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 15:56, 27 November 2020 (UTC)

Clarified. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)

Thanks Sturmvogel 66, all done I reckon. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)