Talk:Chicago Honey Bears
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Honey Bear Dancers
editRecently, me and 67.167.95.100 (talk · contribs), who-according to my talk page-is the wife of Greg Schwartz, have been deliberating over the addition of these: [1][2] which I stated reads like advertising, and also pointed out WP:COI, but she still adds it in, and I eventually pointed out that some peacock words exist, and it still reads like advertising. Because of this, I have started up this discussion to prevent an edit war. ZappaOMati 22:19, 15 February 2013 (UTC)
Hello,
Not sure exactly where you would like me to respond however I am a little confused what I can and cannot post. Below is the facts on what we have been up to for the past 28 years. Please let me know what words are considered advertising & I will gladly change them to read differently. Thanks!
What are the Chicago Honey Bears Up to Now?
CHICAGO HONEY BEAR DANCERS A year after the squad's disbanding, producer/director, Greg Schwartz trademarked the name, purchased a federal registration, and eventually turned the once-cheerleading squad into a family-oriented variety song and dance show. For the past 28 years, The "Chicago Honey Bear Dancers" perform a full production, family-oriented, variety song & dance show consisting of all dance styles including Country, Jazz, 50's, Broadway, Tap, Swing, Patriotic, Military Tribute, Hip-Hop & Crowd Interaction featuring Singers from "American Idol" & Dancers from "So You Think You Can Dance". The "Chicago Honey Bear Dancers" also hold Dance Workshops for the Kids, an educational program teaching important Life Lessons to kids through the ART of DANCE! The "Chicago Honey Bears" perform Worldwide for Corporate Events, Theme Parks, over 180 U.S. Military Bases & Air Shows, Cruise Ships, Resorts, and hundreds of national county fairs & fests. http://www.chicagohoneybeardancers.com/ — Preceding unsigned comment added by 67.167.95.100 (talk) 21:58, 20 February 2013 (UTC)
- I'd like you to post here, instead of my talk page, and I'd like to point out WP:COI, since you are affiliated with the group. If the page doesn't make sense, read the more practical guide. Caps also do not help, since they merely aid in possible advertising. For the rest of the summary, it appears to still reads like advertising. Also, some of it reads rather like close paraphrasing. To help this comply, a look at the Manual of Style could be an option. Write a more revised version, and I'll take a look. ZappaOMati 22:46, 20 February 2013 (UTC)
External links modified
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- Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20120429105844/http://www.thesportsbank.net/nfl/chicago-bears-bringing-back-cheerleaders-online-petition-circulates/ to http://www.thesportsbank.net/nfl/chicago-bears-bringing-back-cheerleaders-online-petition-circulates/
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